Competitive Grandparenting

DanniRae

Hithere

"12:33NambyPamby

As the sole carer of granddaughter- SHE IS my life.
Some people put family before their own lives.
I have given up everything to do this."

What is going to happen when you are no longer her carer?
What is your plan?

What an unkind thing to say Hithere - it sounds to me like NamyPamby is doing a wonderful thing for her granddaughter.

Obviously, I’m not sure exactly what was meant here, but I read it as Hithere was saying that Namypamby, may not be needed as a carer any more, and then may be a bit lost. It is worrying to hear someone make a grandchild their whole life, not good for them, the parents or the child.

At our 1st DD's Christening DGM (in law) wouldn't let my mother hold my DD because 'my mum had other grandchildren', whereas my DD was her only one. Strangely she wasn't really that interested in my children that much especially when her own DD had children, but I guess this is another thread..

Thank you Disco Dancer. That is what I meant

Without me she would be in care - right now I'm watching a 2year old running around in fairy wings whilst I do the gardening.

But yes, you go on feeling high and mighty that I have no life !

Without me she would be adopted.
Gransnet really is up itself with self important people that really have nothing better to do than moan about inconsequential dramas.

I am disgusted by your opinion.

NambyPamby

Without me she would be in care - right now I'm watching a 2year old running around in fairy wings whilst I do the gardening.

But yes, you go on feeling high and mighty that I have no life !

Without me she would be adopted.
Gransnet really is up itself with self important people that really have nothing better to do than moan about inconsequential dramas.

I am disgusted by your opinion.

I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to come across like that at all. Now you’ve given more information, it makes sense. Enjoy the rest of your day.

@NambyPamby

You weren't exactly clear in your initial post. "Sole Carer" could mean what you are doing or in the case of some entitled GMs, the fact they do full child minding in their minds means they consider themselves sole carer which given the context of this thread would be understandable.

Absolutely no one on this thread would question your decision or your love.

Our eldest son is the only one settled, married and happy of our 4. We have 2 beautiful grandchildren by them.

Our other 3 aren't in relationships with children. Though my 2nd son does have a boy by his ex.

I've always accepted we don't come first. My son my son until he gets a wife, my daughter my daughter all my life is a very true saying.

Basically I've kept my nose out. Offered help when they married if they wanted it just to ask. Same when their children are concerned

Always knew I wouldn't be first. Get on very well with DiL mom. There is a unique bond born out of we have both lost our husbands within a year of each other. Mine was 60. Her husband 56.

Even before our husband past, the grandchildren birthdays and Christmas days etc was and is spent with them as all of us as one big extended family.

Quieter this Christmas just gone as it was just eldest, DiL, 2 grandchildren, DiL mom and I. Usually there is about 12-14 of us.

I don't get as much time with my grandchildren as DiL mom does. That's mainly cos they live in the same village. We live 20 minutes away.

I stand back. I've found by doing so we have always had more inclusion in different ways.

It was my late mom that helped me bring my 4 up so I get it.

The last year our DiL and son have been very good at facilitating Facetime inbetween the times I couldn't see them.

I have a good relationship with them because I respect and get it.

Of course no one wants to be left out or feel unwanted.

But I don't think the grandparents are usually in competition with each other, even if they think they are. For example, if the young couple don't get along too well with one of the grandparents or sets of grandparents, I think that would be the same whether they get along well with the grandparents on the other side or there not even being any grandparents on the other side.