Second Opinions - Saying NO to Quarentine in Our House with Our Baby

What a cheek to expect to quarantine in someone else's home. You are right to refuse. You have lots of good reasons - your family's health and safety - you could pass on the virus. You should not be expected to look after other people with a new baby - it is far too much to expect. Good luck

No is a complete sentence as someone once said. No absolutely No. They should never have even thought such a thing. My daughter has just had a baby and we all test twice a week before even visiting. A young mother should be kept safe because if she gets Covid who will care for the baby? How would she cope being ill and having just had a baby she wants to look after. They are sulking! Please get them out of your life. Snip-snip as someone else once said.

OP said 'No cultural difference, just a parent used to always getting their own way and being a bit of a bully.
So sunshinedad do we assume its your Mum or Dad making this demand? I can see how difficult this must be.
But you've had 100% backup from Gransnet so stand up to the bully in your family.

Don't allow them to manipulate you!
Stay firm & say NO!

Are these people for real !!
Stupid to the nth. degree IMO.

They are being totally ridiculous. How dare they get upset because you said no. Stick to your guns.

icanhandthemback

Just a brilliant reply and great suggestion for wording.

Doesn’t matter who they are, no one has a right to put you in this position and they’re being incredibly selfish. Although you may be getting a lot of nastiness now, in my experience setting out clear boundaries from the outset as a new family usually pays dividends in any future relationship with people. If you look back you may be able to identify other times when they’ve imposed their wishes on you and you’ve complied because of feeling pressure. Now is the time to stand firm and take no nonsense. Shield your partner as best you can from this. You are right - this is time to be happy and enjoy your newborn. Anyone who is trying to get in the way of that needs to be held at arm’s length for as long as necessary and don’t feel guilty for doing this.

You have to look after your own immediate family. Your visitors should accept that.

You must say no. You presumably would rather not have a major falling out over it, but may not be able to avoid that.
Explain you miss them and can't wait to see them when things are back to normal.
However - there would not be space for them to stay separate from the rest of you in a two-bedroom house which would therefore be breaking the law. You also agreed you need time to adjust to family life with a new-born anyway so had decided not to have anyone stay for the first few months ( unless one night in special circumstances, for example).
You could say that you know they would never forgive themselves if they happened to catch Covid on the way, passed it on and made you, your wife or your baby ill. You don't want to put them in that position and you also wouldn't forgive yourself if that happened just because you were keen to see them and let that override health/legal considerations.
Stick to your guns! Congratulations on the new baby - not easy during Covid ( my daughter also had a baby recently).

Boot them out now. Hard cheese to what they think.

Presumably the visit would be for more than 10 days in total? What happens the rest of the time? Would they be able to rent a holiday cottage for the 10 days, then see you after that. It definitely isn't fair to expect 4 people to stay with you with a new baby, even without a pandemic!

Surely if they are quarantining with you, that would mean you, your DW and baby would have to quarantine too? That’s just not fair, I couldn’t imagine if I’d had to stay inside for so long when ds was a baby, getting out and about kept me sane!

Your family needs a reality check! The visit is all about them as the newborn won’t remember. Would four of them actually live locked up in one room (the second bedroom) for 10 days, wash down the bathroom every time it’s used and let you wait on them hand and foot preparing and cooking meals to shove through their door? Not to mention putting on a mask every time they go to the bathroom. I doubt it, I imagine they think they can go in and out of your kitchen, bathroom and living room, have meals together etc. They’re either very very stupid, uninformed, bonkers or conspiracy theorists who don’t accept there’s such a thing as Covid. All this when you have a newborn ……..I think my family can sometimes be unreasonable and unthinking but yours wins the prize easily!

even without covid and quarantine its too much to ask to have 4 extra people in the house, even if they are family ,especially as you say you only have 2 bedrooms. this is your special time, don't let them spoil it. enjoy your new baby x

you are not being unreasonable this is your home you have a young child and no one should expect you to provide them with accommodation at any time yet alone during this pandemic .

They sound like a total pain. If they must come, book a b&b for them through Booking.com. They usually have no cancellation fee if they refuse to go there. Agree to meet them outside only. I expect they'll be blaming their Di L for blocking them. State that what they are asking is illegal in this country so you will need to put them straight on that too. I wonder who they imagined was going to do the housework, cooking, shopping, laundry required for FOUR extra people?

Although I haven’t read every comment, I have seen enough to know that the vast majority, if not everyone, is of the same opinion that your relatives are being completely unreasonable.

Something you have actually mentioned twice SunshineDad21 stood out for me. You said they had been “incredibly spiteful” in response to your perfectly correct refusal to let them quarantine with you.

That’s horrific. In your position I wouldn’t be in a rush to have them visit at all until they tempered their behaviour.

Stick to your guns !

Quarantining aside they are being completely unreasonable to expect 4 people to stay in your home when you have a newborn anyway! I am a new grandma to 4 month old twins and we weren't able to meet them until they were 10 weeks old. We did stay with my son and daughter-in-law (quarantining wasn't required) but if they weren't happy for us to stay in the house we would have booked in somewhere else whatever the cost!

Quarantine means just the people who they are traveling with. And no-one else. I'm with you . Firstly wouldn't want anyone staying with me. I think they are being unreasonable. Stick to your guns. You shouldn't be put in this position.

Just adding my voice to agree: NO, NO, NO!
Even without a newborn I would never agree to this. Please stand your ground on this. Parents with new babies need peace & quiet. The only visitors should be supportive people whom you choose to see (& who are permitted under current rules).
Congratulations on your new baby - enjoy this precious time.

Janeainsworth is very wrong‐ you should NOT accommodate them.what is she thinking that she would try to do so personally(i.e. if it were she in that situation)? ? That is madness.Why are Gov't telling them to ISOLATE- i.e.- not go mix with others?- Because its a Risk!!

The point is that if they are quarantining in your house you too would have to quarantine. Obviously this cannot be acceptable to you. Tell them this, perhaps they have not considered that.

The only point of having someone extra in the house is to provide help and support, not to take up space and create work so even without the dreaded virus this visit is totally unreasonable. No, no, no!

Just say No.
They are being the awkward ones asking this of you they should make their own arrangements and then see you when it is safe. They are pulling on your heartstrings.