Family Wedding Invites

It's not your wedding. I'm sure when you got married you made your choice of venue to suit you not relatives. I was never at any of my cousin's weddings. It hasn't been an issue for me. Please don't loose sleep over it. It's not that important, and it's their choice.

2 of my childten were married pre pandemic it was aunties and uncles through the day and cousin's at night.

This is very normal. Up to you if you feel its unreasonable. But guessing you're allowed an opinion.

The bride and groom invite who they want to be and as they are footing the bill, that is their right.
The hotel will allocate the number of rooms they think is the right number of the size of the wedding and you are entitled to book any of the others.
The bride and groom have no say about that as it is a commercial decision by the hotel.
The bride and groom choose where they have their wedding but take the chance that relatives and friends will find it too far to travel. They pays their money, they takes their choice. It could be worse, they could be marrying abroad!
If you want a large, all inclusive family gathering, I'm afraid the onus is on you.

It’s always hard deciding who Nd who. It to invite to a wedding, and I think your niece has been very honest by saying it’s to do with finances. Wedding meals can sometimes be £50 a head and I can understand the invitation not being extended to cousins. Where do you stop with occasions like this? They have been invited to the evening celebration but have chosen not to go - that’s their choice and I hope they don’t make the bride and groom feel guilty about their decision.

I get why your a bit miffed, my nephew invited me, my DD's and their partners to his evening do, as it was across country and involved a hotel stay we politely declined, my other DS who lives near me was showing me photo she'd taken at the actual wedding there was her two children, partners and GC and DB partner DC and DGC. I also felt a bit miffed

I agree , the way some people have put their point across has been truly horrible. I've only just joined this but I am going to unjoin I think.

Try looking at it a different way.... The couple probably can only invite a certain number to the entire thing as that bit costs the most. If they had invited your children to that and not you they possibly would think they were being disrespectful to their aunt/uncle. It's far more usual for the younger people to come to the evening if everyone can't be invited to the whole thing, so bear this in mind, and try to see they are doing their best to be fair. Venue, as others say, is up to them so they can remember it as the place they wanted, and not necessarily as a convenient place because maybe there just isn't a place that pleases them and suits everyone too.

That should have said I agree with MaggsMcG

Can understand why close family are only invited to the evening do. Weddings cost a fortune. Can be a couple of hundred pounds per guest. That would soon mount up. Extended family can be stingy with gifts too. Bride and Grooms often pay for the weddings. themselves.
I worked with a lady who decided to marry at Gretna Green. Cheap option for her. But then complained bitterly that elderly grandparents chose not to travel up from the South coast! Umpteen hours by coach.

04 MaggsMcG

This forum is getting aggressive. All of Social Media is getting aggressive now. It was all help and nice advice at the beginning of Covid cut everyone has very quickly reverted. You can tell people they are wrong without being so nasty about it.

Totally agree with you Maggs. I’d be quite upset by some of the comments on this thread if I were the OP.
I belong to a sewing group on FB and I’ve got to say there’s never a bad word said on there. Everyone is so supportive and kind.
There’s a way of saying things.

Bette22, I sympathise with you. Not only are you miffed on your children's behalf (which I totally support) but you are having to fend off aggressive and confrontational posts. You are entitled to your feelings and opinions. I wish you all the very best.

Probably curtailed the numbers for the reception due to costs. Wedding dinners can be very expensive. Is the whole hotel taken up with those invited to the full day? If my family were keen to attend in the evening think I'd be checking on the availability of rooms myself. The bride and groom can't stop your family from booking if one is available.

Marathonrunner, don't unjoin! Balanced opinions needed on this forum.

Thankyou dorcas1950 .

I didnt imagine a forum for the over 50s would be so reminiscent of a high school playground .

I think sometimes its worth reminding ourselves if we would respond to another person that way face to face . Just because you are on your couch in front of your keyboard doesnt make it ok to make light of another person and what makes them upset and to respond in such an abrupt manner .
We arent the only ones to notice it .

I find it very immature personally and the tone of some has been quite aggressive.

Totally not what I was expecting when I joined .
I do hope Bette22 is ok

You are being unreasonable I got married 4 years ago and didn't invite cousins only Aunts (Uncles all dead) My cousins aren't close to me no way was I inviting them and not my friends Finances are not infinite and weddings are expensive

I rarely comment on this forum, as retribution and backlash can be harsh! However, I felt Bette22 needed support, and you, Boyzone and Maggs were there, so I wanted to add my two Pennyworth.

My son gets married this November,
(fingers crossed) after it being postponed from last October.
From the start he and his partner have stipulated 'no children' at the wedding except for my daughters 5 year old twins (my son's niece & nephew). As the wedding is quite a distance from where we live this means that my son's adult cousins who have children won't be attending, as it would mean an overnight stay away from their young children who aren't invited.

Personally I feel very priviliged to be invited to a wedding and will always do my best to be there, even if it means staying in a hotel. I have very rarely regretted going. I woyld suggest renting an air b and b instead of a hotel, asking your adult children to come, and organize a brunch the next day .. so that you get to spend time with them. If several couples are involved, might be possible?

We've had a similar thing for a Wedding next year. I have booked a cottage for us all , about a mile away ( rural posh hotel. ).TBH, there are often cheaper and pragmatic alternatives. Don't make an issue of it for yours . Hope you all have a lovely time. X

I understand how you feel. Logically it shouldn’t matter that your children, who grew up with their cousin, haven’t been invited to the marriage service but emotionally you feel very upset. Quite understandable. My cousin invited us to the afternoon meal at her wedding, ie the main and very expensive meal, but not to the marriage service which was held in the same hotel, an hour earlier in the day with about 60% of the guests attending it. I had thought that we were long term friends but clearly we were not important enough to go to the marriage ceremony itself. At the meal, an hour later, half our table had attended the service and said it was sublime, spiritual and amazing!

I was very hurt, although I had wanted to be grown up and I know that people can invite exactly who they want to all or part of a wedding, it actually upset me. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t go to the wedding meal at all but would have made a diplomatic excuse and invited them to a lovely dinner with us and our immediate family on their return from their honeymoon.

Logic doesn’t always win out over emotion! Don’t feel bad about it, and please don’t let the replies from some people here upset you. ???

JadeOlivia, what a really good idea about Airbnb and brunch, etc. That could work very well indeed. There is often a way! ???

It is the couple's choice but personally I think having your family around you is far more important than flashy, expensive wedding venues and ceremonies. I can understand the OP feeling a bit put out but, judging from the comments on here, it is the way of the world now.

I do agree that it is understandable if hardly ever seen relatives are omitted from guest lists, with close friends being given preference, but the OP says her children have had quite a close relationship with their cousins since childhood.

It’s really difficult with weddings. They are incredibly expensive and often venues limit the numbers anyway.
But I don’t think you’re being old fashioned at all - this is a family wedding and not a transitory relationship that has died a natural death as everyone grew up. I would also be rather hurt in these circumstances and I can sympathise. We looked after the child of friends for a year whilst the parents were living abroad and our children treated her as their sister and she did likewise. When she got married a few years later and didn’t invite them to any part of the service they were upset. Of course we went anyway to support her but it rather took the shine off the whole relationship. The children had had to share their mum (me) for a whole year when they were at school still so it had been a big deal and we did it for love not for money - but the relationship had obviously meant more to them than it did to her.
You can’t say anything though - what’s done is done and no point in upsetting your niece - so just go and wish them all well and enjoy the event. They almost certainly don’t mean to offend even if they have been a bit thoughtless where your children are concerned. Whether your children attend or not, if they are adults, it is up to them.

Bette22 I must say some of the answers do sound a bit aggressive, biting your head off because you’re feeling a bit miffed. I think it’s because only you know the close relationship you’ve all had and are a bit puzzled why your children are not invited to the whole ceremony.Arranging weddings is quite a traumatic experience and so costly, so I suppose cuts have to be made somewhere, especially if it’s a sit down meal. Be of good cheer and enjoy the day.

When my son married several years ago, they chose a place near where they lived, miles from our family and hers. The meal was over £100 per head and we are a large family but the bride's is small. They chose who they wanted to be there and also had a separate evening do. People understood and no-one felt second class or B team. You can't claim that you are owed because of things done in the past. If you feel so strongly, then perhaps you shouldn't attend.