To say what more can we do?

To my mind this isn’t just something between you and your nanny. The children need to be thought of. If you have custody it is clear that something serious has happened in their past so if they’re fond of this young woman you are causing another upset for them.

As others have said, why on earth would you expect her to look after your house for you? If you’re that worried you could hire housesitters or install a burglar alarm.

Sorry, but your husband has blow it. I don’t blame the Nanny for taking the attitude she has done.

what more can you do? nothing. Do you pay her to housesit?

If I was the nanny I would be out of there as soon as possible and into another job. However it was said by your DH the nanny would quite understandably feel it was being aimed at her. She's in a vulnerable position going in and out of your house and could be accused of anything that goes astray (like the jewelry) and frankly apologies mean nothing once the seed has been sewn.

He sounds like a complete idiot! What WAS he doing ? He should have consulted you with his thoughts before any decision to speak to nanny. Who is he? Kubla khan!? He needs to absolutely throw himself at her mercy and beg forgiveness. I was very publicly accused of stealing a so called friends ring in 70s ,and very privately told she'd found it 3 years later! I simply gave her my Paddington Bear long hard stare and walked away from her . The damage she'd done had already taken it's toll and lost me my job.

Isnthis a new idiot novel I'm reading "he wasn't accusing her" ?!?!?! What world do you live in , I wonder what I fluence you'll be exerting on the kids frankly, warped ideas!

Wow, so sad for everyone involved. It sheds a very uncomfortable light on the fragility of trust in this situation. You people are just a paycheck to her now. Bet she is great with the kids, they're the ones who stand to lose the most.

Gabrielle are you having a bad day or are you always so nasty? I’ve just commented on what you said on another thread. I was always told, if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything.

You said it maybe better if you get a new Nanny as she no longer trusts you and that you think a future with her in your employ will no longer work. What reason will you give for asking her to leave ? She has done nothing wrong ?

Gabrielle56

Isnthis a new idiot novel I'm reading "he wasn't accusing her" ?!?!?! What world do you live in , I wonder what I fluence you'll be exerting on the kids frankly, warped ideas!

Don't be ridiculous. Obviously the husband handled the situation clumsily. We all do stupid things and it is obvious the OP feels very badly about it all.

It's a very unfortunate situation and really the main thing is that the children don't lose out as a result.

Surely there are 2 issues here. One is the matter of trust which may or may not have been eroded. The other is the responsibility of the house whilst you are away which seems the Nanny, not unreasonably, doesn't want.
You are making a huge assumption that trust has been irrevocably eroded. My advice would be to move forward and just see how things pan out. I think getting a new nanny is a complete knee jerk reaction for something you are assuming.
As to the key of the house, just ask a neighbour or a relative. It is not likely to be part of her job description unless you have specified it will be. I hope you have sensibly provided her with a proper contract with holiday pay conditions, etc to protect you and her from misunderstandings. Unless your Nanny is working for lots of other people and invoices you, she is an employee with all the encompassing rights.

A message to CRAZY H!!!
Why mention the 85 year 'friends' religion. Actually I think the 85 year old was spot on! You'll be saying some of your best friends are Jews next.

Your current nanny does not want to be responsible for your house when you are away. It is not part of the nanny duties she is paid for. Stop insisting she take a key to your house. If you get rid of this nanny because she does not trust you the next nanny you interview must be made aware that her duties involve her looking after your property when you are aware. Not sure anyone would take that on especially if they live miles away.

So, have I got this right - OP and her DH felt there had been a break in, though the evidence for this is virtually non-existent? And OP’s DH is still talking about this alleged break-in and apparently accusing the nanny of not securing the house when she’s out? In one way, it sounds like a complete storm in a teacup, but if I was accused of not looking after my employers’ property, I’d be looking for another job.

As many posters have said, once trust is broken, it’s hard to restore. Your nanny feels she’s been blamed for causing a non-existent crime. It would take most people a while to get over that.

I'm surprised the nanny didn't resign. When you're lucky enough to find someone who cares well for the children, she should be shown the utmost respect.
I'd be kissing her feet. I thought she was asked whether she'd locked up before leaving the house. That's not clumsy. Plain rude! She's done nothing wrong!

As for the key issue! I was just happy to be insured when we had a burglary.

Went on holiday as a PA carer with a disabled couple. The lady's new make up disappeared. The chambermaid admitted using her perfume and tipped it over accidentally. Lady accused me of stealing her new makeup when we were home. I didn't even bother denying it or answer her. I finished the shift and never went back. I know I didn't take it so that's good enough for me. Pretty sure the chambermaid had it though.

I think OP said the nanny has health issues so perhaps not easy for her to find another post or I would think she would have done so as quickly as possible.

Two things - the jewellery was found - in a plausible place? And do either of you think the laptop was interfered with? Do you both believe that 'nothing happened' or that something untoward did? If you are not both sure that your nanny is being straight - time to bring a little distance at the very least. If you are sure she is fine, explain this to her - together, and why you were worried and why you no longer are. Keys and house minding are a separate thing entirely, and a tie and worry for her while you are away. She might like to feel free of you while you are away. Do not take her time and goodwill for granted.

I bet you wish you had not posted this dilemma?
The concensus of opinion is regardless of how your husband said it the trust was lost from her and throwing her the crumb of having the responsibilty of a key and keeping an eye on your house as pretext to show you trust her is a poor show.
Why should she? to salve your conscious.
Its no good trying to justify yourself, you and your husband are in the wrong, leave her alone and if she leaves so be it.

This sounds like the heist of the year. Poor nanny having to do your job for you looking after your grandchildren. Now you want to turn her into the housekeeper as well. I think she needs to find a better employer who values her skills.

If I were accused of stealing stuff, and then an apology was squeeed from someone, after the stuff was found, mind you, I would have left the job... but maybe this nanny does not have another source of incomne, so she stays, but on her terms. Also, not even if you offered me the bonus of being able to sleep in while you were away, I would not accept.

Clearly your husband didn't stop to think before he spoke to your nanny. The situation has obviously upset you or you wouldn't have posted here.
Some of the replies, I feel, go further into the realms of unfounded accusations than your husband's clumsy words.
Firstly, well done on caring for your grandchildren - I'm sure that can't be easy. We're exhausted just having one of them overnight!
I'm sure working while looking after grandchildren, and also having had to deal with whatever circumstances led to you having custody of them will have taken it's toll.
The idea of asking her to take the keys while you're away was probably well intentioned but not the best way to demonstrate trust. She may have found the suggestion a bit odd or stressful, in fact.
Anyway - if the relationship with her has been good in the past and, more importantly, the kids like her and are safe with her - try to slowly rebuild the relationship if she stays in the role.
Little things like wishing her a happy birthday if you know when it is, asking after her family members if she's discussed them in the past, expressing genuine thanks and praise for specific things she's done with the kids and so on might slowly rebuild the relationship (more than offering extra duties). Maybe a Christmas card ( with a more special gift than usual if you usually give one) expressing thanks for all she does, and gently saying sorry for upsetting her, might help as well.
Good luck.

I think this is a really unpleasant thread, and I feel very sorry for the young woman involved if it is genuine. You are lucky she didn’t tell you to stick your job where the sun doesn’t shine because that’s what I would have done. ?

Gabrielle56 - What a dreadful way to be treated. What an upsetting experience for you. ?

Perhaps it was the tone that was used ....