I've hosted Christmas for over 40 years, from being a struggling young family to retired parents. No-one ever brought a contribution, nor was it expected. In our young family days, I saved towards the big day (Co-op divi!) or collected things like the pudding, drink, sweets and seasonal goodies gradually. Then we'd be skint for January! We have eaten out more lately and, if we ask family to come, we pay for the meal.
If they can't afford to host everyone, they shouldn't do it.
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AIBU
Charging family for Christmas lunch
(263 Posts)Now, is it just me, and this is the way things are done nowadays so I’m behind the times? Had invitation for Christmas lunch at a family members home, along with other family members, but the person doing the lunch requests all who would like to attend pay them x amount for the privilege, to cover the costs of the food and drink (this includes their parents having to pay, too).
Now, whenever I’ve hosted Christmas lunch, or other events, I’ve never asked the ones I invite to pay for the privilege of eating with me. Some have offered to bring something along - perhaps a dessert, some cheese, a bottle of wine, etc, which was welcome and kind- but this was never an expectation on my part, and I certainly wouldn’t have it as a condition of them being able to come, my view being that I was offering an invitation to join us for lunch or tea, not expecting them to pay or bring something as a condition for coming to it.
I will also add that the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting. I think it’s especially poor that they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year.
Those invited also help with the preparation of the meal and the tidying up afterwards, plus they bring along “extras”.
The ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension).
They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.
Now, maybe I am being “bah, humbug”, but this charging doesn’t sit easily with me, although many family members have accepted the invitation with this charge (though not everyone).
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is not right, or am I completely old fashioned and behind the times? It’s just I thought such invitations to go to family for lunch were just that - invitations, with no provisos. Therefore, if you can’t afford to host a meal for extended family members, then you don’t offer to host one?
What a strange idea! I hosted Christmas and Boxing Day for thirty years until one of my sons took it over ten years ago. Any food/drink offerings from guests were welcome, but not expected. If anyone asked me what they could bring I always said Just yourself! And meant it. I wouldn't have accepted money and would have been embarrassed if offered it. ( Actually when Oldest Son did it for the first time DH wanted to give him some money but I restrained him.)
I'm horrified but much more interested in why they think they should do this. If this isn't common practice in your family can you ask them why they think they should do so? I'd be really interested to know the reasoning - if any.
I'm sure that cannot actually be legal. Surely if one charges for a meal, one would be subject to health, safety and hygiene laws ...not to mention Income Tax and VAT. I think I would ask to see their Public Liability Insurance and and Environmental Health Certificates. 
Perhaps you might also try asking them whether they charge all guests for lunch, dinner or any other occasion.
I'm gobsmacked. Unbelievably rude and thoughtless. I hope you enjoy Christmas some other way.................
YANBU. Even if they were not apparently better off than most of their guests this is just MEAN.
By all means encourage guests to bring part of the meal, the host could keep a list to help them to decide what to contribute. And guests like to contribute to festive meals so I'm sure most of them would offer.
My daughter and I are doing just this, she's made a list of what she will do and I have done the same. We're going to compare lists at the last minute and share out any other purchases. My DS is usually short of money so we wouldn't dream of asking him to contribute, but I'm guessing that he will bring some nice chocolates or similar. My DS and DIL will come with the children and do the same, as will any other neighbours who would like to come.
Book a lovely Christmas lunch at a nice hotel/restaurant which you don't mind paying for since there will be young staff giving up their day off to serve you or people who need to work to make ends meet rather than your money grabbing family asking you to pay to come to a family home for what should be a family meal served with cheer and kindness.
Maybe they are not as well off as you think or are just tight. If you don’t like it don’t go.
We have up to 25 of us for Christmas in normal times, everyone brings something, either pudding, cheeses, cocs, drink, crackers ,wine, vegetables all planned, the host does the turkey and table setting..
either a wind up, or they don't want you .
My sister would add everything up,even down to loo rolls,and charge accordingly. I’ve only found this out recently,and am gob smacked…although I shouldn’t be really. She’s wealthy. I can’t imagine charging my adult kids anything. They all just bring something.
I’m only to happy and grateful that they do come home.
Good for you for not going.
A few years ago a friend suggested we do Christmas together at her house. We are both divorced and each had 2 young adult children at home along with another divorced friend whose adult kids were going to his ex wife. We each brought contributions but shared the costs and shared the leftovers too. It was nice to have the bigger gathering but it wasn't an invitation with a price for a ticket! We agreed to share the costs fairly. I have happy memories of that Christmas day but it sounds as if the invitation Mapleleaf received is somewhat different. Quite sad really!
I host a buffet during Christmas week for around 15/16 people. I would never ask for a contribution. If it was a struggle for me financially, then I'd simply say I'm going to skip it this year as it's getting so expensive. I certainly wouldn't accept an invitation of this kind.
Unbelievable!! No way would I accept an invitation on those terms. I'd have told him/her where to stuff their turkey!
PS Love Old Wolf's comment. Made me think if I was the gran who'd been asked for payment I might alert Elf and Safety about it instead!
I'm lost for words!
my 2 girls are buying the meat and we cook and provide everything else, not asked to it's just their contribution, we provide a roast dinner every Sunday all year
Daughter, her 2 teenage children and myself will be going to my youngest son's house on xmas evening. He can well afford to provide all the snacks , for all of us and would have done so, but his wife is very 'tight' (sweet girl though). So, I may be giving them some money towards it. I say 'may' because I still think, why should I ? Surely, they can afford to treat us. I will take some drinks ofcourse.
Absolutely not.. Ive never heard of charging family for dinner...If you can't afford to entertain for a dinner, then just invite for an evening mince pie and wine. Or don't entertain.. Ebenezer Scrooge springs to mind.
My family usually come to my house for Christmas dinner, because I have more room. They tend to bring a dish of something, or wine, but I don't expect it. I do expect help to lay tables, clear and wash up, nd usually get it. lol
Years ago it was considered the norm that if you invite people over for a meal then you would naturally pay for it yourself. It was always this way when I was younger.
However, over recent years it has become much more expensive to host a meal and while some would love the opportunity to allow the family to get together over a meal, being unable to afford it may prohibit them from doing so. I think this would be such a shame.
One of the best aspects of being in a family is when they come together. This is such a nice event, especially over a meal. What a shame it would be, then, if these events didn't take place because those prepared to host such an event were unable to afford it? Where are we putting the priority here? On the meal itself or the fact that people who care about each other are coming together as a family?
Instead of putting the priority on whether someone can afford to host a meal or not, I would prefer to put the priority on being grateful that the person hosting the event was actually prepared to host the event, which in itself is a lot of work. And I would also be grateful that person was giving the family a chance to get together in a cordial way over a meal.
Times are changing. Younger people don't always have the money to host an event, especially if they have children or a lot of people to buy presents for. What they can offer, however, is their energy to host an event for everyone to enjoy.
I would be more than happy to contribute my share towards this kind of event, and frequently do.
I also meant to add to my post that I wouldn't use the word a 'charge' for each person. I prefer the words 'share the cost'.
I can't believe someone would charge you for your meal, I have never heard the like. Bah bloomin Humbug! Gone are the days when you arrived with a bottle of wine.
It’s ridiculous in my opinion. If folk are happy to pay to attend then all well and good, but I’d be telling them “ no thanks”. You invite folk to join you with absolutely no expectations whatsoever.
FarNorth
I think there's no harm in it if the hosts are upfront that they need contributions to the cost because they can't afford it all themselves.
If the hosts can afford it but choose not to, that's different.
But if you cannot afford the cost, why are you inviting people? Issuing an invitation to any meal presumes you have the means to pay for it without charging your guests. There should not even be any expectation of a contribution be it a dish to add to the table or a bottle of something. If someone offers either, then I see no problem in saying something along the lines of it would be great if they could make their lovely apple pie for dessert, or just bring a bottle. As other people have said, my usual response is "no, just bring yourselves".
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