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AIBU

Charging family for Christmas lunch

(263 Posts)
Mapleleaf Sat 04-Dec-21 19:14:27

Now, is it just me, and this is the way things are done nowadays so I’m behind the times? Had invitation for Christmas lunch at a family members home, along with other family members, but the person doing the lunch requests all who would like to attend pay them x amount for the privilege, to cover the costs of the food and drink (this includes their parents having to pay, too).

Now, whenever I’ve hosted Christmas lunch, or other events, I’ve never asked the ones I invite to pay for the privilege of eating with me. Some have offered to bring something along - perhaps a dessert, some cheese, a bottle of wine, etc, which was welcome and kind- but this was never an expectation on my part, and I certainly wouldn’t have it as a condition of them being able to come, my view being that I was offering an invitation to join us for lunch or tea, not expecting them to pay or bring something as a condition for coming to it.

I will also add that the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting. I think it’s especially poor that they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year.

Those invited also help with the preparation of the meal and the tidying up afterwards, plus they bring along “extras”.

The ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension).

They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.

Now, maybe I am being “bah, humbug”, but this charging doesn’t sit easily with me, although many family members have accepted the invitation with this charge (though not everyone).

So, am I being unreasonable to think this is not right, or am I completely old fashioned and behind the times? It’s just I thought such invitations to go to family for lunch were just that - invitations, with no provisos. Therefore, if you can’t afford to host a meal for extended family members, then you don’t offer to host one?

Chewbacca Sun 05-Dec-21 21:23:22

If the person concerned has worked out the cost and divides it between those attending who can afford it (working adults for example, not children or the retired), I can't see the problem.

But that's exactly where the problem lies isn't it? If you read the OP it says they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year. And the ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension.

The OP also states the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting.

So, having enjoyed the support and largesse of their family throughout the years, they've decided to hold a family Christmas gathering this year and charge them all for the privilege. It isn't just custom and bad manners that need stuffing!

Shelflife Sun 05-Dec-21 21:24:42

Outrageous!! I have heard if this before . I have hosted many Christmas lunches and welcomed a pudding or bottle of wine. This year we will be with DD abd SIL they would'nt dream of charging us, Damned cheek , I would decline the invitation.

Pamaga Mon 06-Dec-21 11:19:45

Unbelievable! What a cheek! Not exactly exhibiting the spirit of Christmas.

gangstergranny Mon 06-Dec-21 11:19:50

Good for you....I would have done the same. ;0(

Kryptonite Mon 06-Dec-21 11:23:13

Some people offer to bring food or drink, which is fine. Money - no. Unbelievable. I'd decline too - and say I'm going to a proper restaurant!

MayBeMaw Mon 06-Dec-21 11:23:23

So, having enjoyed the support and largesse of their family throughout the years, they've decided to hold a family Christmas gathering this year and charge them all for the privilege. It isn't just custom and bad manners that need stuffing!
Love it!

Frankly the whole idea is in the worst possible taste, ill- mannered, vulgar and selfish.

pce612 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:24:36

What everybody else has said.....with bells on.

Pedwards Mon 06-Dec-21 11:25:18

Dumbstruck! I agree with you completely

OmaWal Mon 06-Dec-21 11:28:13

Think the pandemic has shown a wider gap between those that give and those that just take....

Ktsmum Mon 06-Dec-21 11:29:46

It's just not right however you look at it, I come from a large family and we have lots of get togethers, never have we charged each other for the pleasure of the company, we will usually take an offering towards the meal, cakes, cheese wine etc, but the love is taken out ofvthe equation if you are asked to pay, just NO .

Lulu16 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:32:52

This is so mean-spirited that I am lost for words!

Nannan2 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:33:26

YANBU! i would have told them to stuff it- along with their turkey!?

Frosty60 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:34:53

I would never consider asking anyone to pay for their meal when I’ve asked them. If they offer to bring dessert or turn up with something then it’s much appreciated.
We had a similar thing though asked of us. A relation of my husbands was having a milestone birthday celebration and they sent invites at the same time as asking us to pay for the meal. We declined the invite.
I must admit though a good few years we decided to give a donation at our family Christmas lunch. This was discussed beforehand with everyone who was attending and we sent it to a charity who we belong to. My eldest DS has a metabolic disease so we wanted to help the charity out as they were raising funds to keep it going.

Buffy Mon 06-Dec-21 11:34:54

If the same family members host the Christmas meal year after year I would automatically offer to share the cost. A turkey alone costs £80. I’ve never been asked to contribute but always offer.

SusanLau09 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:35:44

Never heard of it to pay when invited.
You can go and contribute the cost and bring no presents or declined the invitation.

Sputnik Mon 06-Dec-21 11:36:18

Not in the Judeo-Christian spirit of hospitality, nor in the Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist one either come to that.
For shame!

Plunger Mon 06-Dec-21 11:37:14

I'd offer to take a special dessert, bottle ( or 2) of wine, maybe some chocolates but money changing hands, no way. How much do they expect per person?

chris8888 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:37:57

That would be a no from me then, I have always taken/received things like some wine or a bunch of flowers.

Naninka Mon 06-Dec-21 11:37:57

YANBU
I'd tell them to Foxtrot Oscar.
Rude!!!!!

pennykins Mon 06-Dec-21 11:38:33

I would be insulted especially as a parent who has helped out during the year and all their lives. If I went, I would take a couple of bottles of wine or whatever you drink and ask if you can make something to help out but certainly I would not PAY what a cheek,
Perhaps this is a sign of the times and other people are doing it so perhaps they thought that they would do the same.

Lin663 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:39:14

Absolutely outrageous…tell them to do one and have a lovely Christmas on your own! Cheeky beggars!

Nannan2 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:39:46

If they were not well off it may have been understandable to ask you all to provide a dish or dessert, etc, but you say are not poor- or if they were donating the cash to charity, maybe acceptable- but to ask family to pay, yet NOT ask the friends & neighbours to pay for their drinks bash is unacceptable in my view.(they wont want the neighbours thinking they cant afford a 'do' will they?)??

Rosina Mon 06-Dec-21 11:44:13

How mean - I wouldn't want to go either, and subsidising the entertaining of neighbours would really wind me up!

sandelf Mon 06-Dec-21 11:44:35

Oh no no no no! If affording the food and drink is a problem then should be open about it and suggest a bring and share. Can be interesting mix of comestibles, but no one coming is really coming from hunger, but to meet friends and family. From what you say, they want you all round theirs but intend to make a bit out of the do. NO WAY - that's not how family treat each other!

Brewteaful Mon 06-Dec-21 11:48:45

Sorry if this has already been posted, I’ve not had chance to read all of the replies. There was a lady in the newspaper who is charging her guests £35 per head or £70 if they want alcohol!! She is even charging her own children and out of the products is getting a manicure, massage and facial for all her efforts. Unbelievable!!