Bloody rude. I would politely decline to attend.
Sometimes it’s just the small things that press the bruise isn’t it? 😢
MAKE A SENTENCE GAME [FEB '26]
Now, is it just me, and this is the way things are done nowadays so I’m behind the times? Had invitation for Christmas lunch at a family members home, along with other family members, but the person doing the lunch requests all who would like to attend pay them x amount for the privilege, to cover the costs of the food and drink (this includes their parents having to pay, too).
Now, whenever I’ve hosted Christmas lunch, or other events, I’ve never asked the ones I invite to pay for the privilege of eating with me. Some have offered to bring something along - perhaps a dessert, some cheese, a bottle of wine, etc, which was welcome and kind- but this was never an expectation on my part, and I certainly wouldn’t have it as a condition of them being able to come, my view being that I was offering an invitation to join us for lunch or tea, not expecting them to pay or bring something as a condition for coming to it.
I will also add that the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting. I think it’s especially poor that they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year.
Those invited also help with the preparation of the meal and the tidying up afterwards, plus they bring along “extras”.
The ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension).
They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.
Now, maybe I am being “bah, humbug”, but this charging doesn’t sit easily with me, although many family members have accepted the invitation with this charge (though not everyone).
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is not right, or am I completely old fashioned and behind the times? It’s just I thought such invitations to go to family for lunch were just that - invitations, with no provisos. Therefore, if you can’t afford to host a meal for extended family members, then you don’t offer to host one?
Bloody rude. I would politely decline to attend.
YAnbu!! I'm glad you have declined, I certainly would have. Have a nice, relaxing Christmas x
You are absolutely NBU!! What a cheek. In my opinion, it’s fine to have a well-organised do where everyone brings something (when my big family had a big Boxing Day do, I was “a whole glazed ham and many, many mince pies”. There’s something very vulgar and mean-spirited about asking for money, isn’t there?
YANBU. How on earth can they ask for money especially from their own parents? I think it's awful.
A family I know would usually meet at the parents’ home. After the parents moved to a small flat the eldest daughter took over the hosting aa she has the most spacious home. However the first year she did it they had 2 very young children, one only a few weeks old. So they bought everything ready made from M and S and split the cost. Now the children are older the daughter hosts in the normal way with contributions from her guests. I would never charge for anything but would ask people to bring things if I was struggling to budget.
It's outrageous, mean, inhospitable and totally unacceptable. They sound ghastly!
Its a bad show and the height of bad manners! Dont ask people if you cannot afford to be a host is my opinion.
I wonder if the friends and family involved can send back dated invoices for any events attended by this greedy couple.
Have they know pride? Perhaps they consider people will feel honoured to attend!
If you can’t afford to host then you don’t host. Simple as. To ask for money is disgusting. Wouldn’t attend anybodys do for cash and would put them at arms length for the rest of my days.
Many years ago all the family (around 11 of us) always went to my brother in law's as he and his wife loved to cater ......we all helped but the kitchen was small so the two of them usually did it all and then we all helped tidy and wash up ....it was a lovely day ...with some who didn't live locally sleeping on the sofa/anywhere ......my in law's gave the couple around £70 and we all chipped in with a donation ...absolutey had NO problem with that ! Later on, my sister in law married someone with lots of money and said no donation is required when hosting the whole lot of relatives .....she also had a large house so everyone who wanted could stay as driving home late at night after all the food and drink would have not been a good idea !...............
It’s absolutely appalling and very mean spirited, if you cannot comfortably afford to host then don’t or do the Turkey and get all attending to bring different dishes and share the cost but when the hosts earn considerably more then their guests and use leftovers to show largesse to friends at neighbours at the cost of family it is utterly unacceptable
In the days when I hosted family Christmases I never expected our guests to bring anything but they always brought wine, liqueurs, chocolates, nice cheeses which were gratefully received. These days I’m the guest and always take the pudding , brandy butter, brandy cream etc. also make a vegetarian stuffing as I don’t like sausage meat, bread sauce and braised red cabbage. In fact anything that’s a bit fiddly to make as I have more time to do it.
I wouldn’t object to making a financial contribution either but it depends on how it’s approached I think. If the lunch is being charged for as in a restaurant I think Id be a bit taken aback but if there’s been a discussion beforehand along the lines of “ I’m very happy to host if everybody helps out with the cost” that’s an informal agreement that’s worked out in advance.
What a cheek!
You are not being unreasonable at all.
If they were hard up, I could possibly understand but in this situation they are expecting others to supply their meal and to showoff to friends and neighbours too later. YANBU, it would be a non-polite no from me I'm afraid
Poor manners. If you do go, take enough doggie bags for all the other (paying) guests! YANBU
Apart from the whole unreasonableness of this situation, the law does prohibit the sale of cooked food without the appropriate licences. Who does the guest who is violently sick after the meal sue I wonder?
Just read this message out to my husband - his duggestion was to charge the person hosting for the cost of petrol/travel to get to their party ?????
I think it is rude and very mean spirited. You did right to decline the invite. Charging patents is truly shocking. How devistayed the poor parents must be to realise they raised such horrible children. I too have read of charging guests for Christmas on Mumsnet in previous years. The common consensus on there was don't go.
Good gracious ! Never heard the like ! If they cannot afford to host, then they shouldn’t be ! The other alternative is to ask guests in advance if they’d all like to make a contribution of part of the meal ! If I wanted to part with cash I’d go to a restaurant !
Thanks but no thanks is what my answer would be!
As I think I’ve said upthread, in the past when we’ve had family gatherings such as Christmas lunch, we have all contributed something towards it, be that a joint, a dessert, some cheese, the starter, the wine, etc. To me, this is the way it should be, or at least offer to, even if the host might say no, just bring yourselves, but to charge a set fee as a proviso to going seems a strange way of going about things and contrary to what we are used to doing.
I would definitely not go .
It's seems to me that if you are invited somewhere it is that a invite not a restaurant booking.
I have always taken a little something for the house bottle of wine ,home made cake or some chocolates.
It's never expected but I feel a little tank us nice.
No way would I charge family or friends .
I would say no thank you
We are all going to my middle daughter’s for Christmas dinner. At the beginning we all agreed to split the cost. When I’ve hosted I’ve paid (although my mum always slipped money into my bank). I have no problem splitting the costs. But it would be very presumptuous, in my opinion, to invite along with a charge. We discussed this as a family prior to arranging. YANBU
Back in the distant past when the AC were newly married or with young children I would slip them a couple of notes and say it was towards the turkey or whatever they were short of. Nowadays they are in a better position than we are and we just have to turn up and enjoy, well we hope we do this year.
I would be more than surprised if I was asked for money, YANBU enjoy your day.
Presumably you will tell jokes, recite some family anecdotes and maybe sing a song.
SO -- charge THEM for the entertainment.
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