Wow My son is paying for myself his wife and two daughters for Christmas dinner at a restaurant now while it’s £75 per head, yes I nearly passed out to at the price too lol. I offered the money and he said no mum I invited you and you have paid for Christmas dinner all my life now it’s my turn. I’ve being invited to my other sons inlaws before and I asked if anything I can bring and they said no just yourself. But I did turn up with a Christmas cake. Asking for money is cheeky
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AIBU
Charging family for Christmas lunch
(263 Posts)Now, is it just me, and this is the way things are done nowadays so I’m behind the times? Had invitation for Christmas lunch at a family members home, along with other family members, but the person doing the lunch requests all who would like to attend pay them x amount for the privilege, to cover the costs of the food and drink (this includes their parents having to pay, too).
Now, whenever I’ve hosted Christmas lunch, or other events, I’ve never asked the ones I invite to pay for the privilege of eating with me. Some have offered to bring something along - perhaps a dessert, some cheese, a bottle of wine, etc, which was welcome and kind- but this was never an expectation on my part, and I certainly wouldn’t have it as a condition of them being able to come, my view being that I was offering an invitation to join us for lunch or tea, not expecting them to pay or bring something as a condition for coming to it.
I will also add that the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting. I think it’s especially poor that they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year.
Those invited also help with the preparation of the meal and the tidying up afterwards, plus they bring along “extras”.
The ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension).
They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.
Now, maybe I am being “bah, humbug”, but this charging doesn’t sit easily with me, although many family members have accepted the invitation with this charge (though not everyone).
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is not right, or am I completely old fashioned and behind the times? It’s just I thought such invitations to go to family for lunch were just that - invitations, with no provisos. Therefore, if you can’t afford to host a meal for extended family members, then you don’t offer to host one?
So:-
-you have offered hospitality gratis in the past
-they are charging for food and drink
-they are expecting guests to help prepare and clear up
-they are using the leftovers paid for by others to host on
Boxing Day
Taking the Michael. Don't go.
After you decline, if they ask why, I'd remind them the meaning of Christmas in the first place! I never went into the holidays with the hopes of being "in the black" on the other side of it! Part of being the host/hostess is fitting the bill. If they never ask why, I'd just leave the topic alone. Maybe others feel the way you do and they will see a lot few faces at this year's event! Sometimes non-spoken truths speak volumes and lend very nicely for self-reflection on their parts! You did the right thing, in my opinion!
I saw a tv discussion on this very topic last week, apparently it’s becoming more common. I host my small family for Christmas every year and wouldn’t dream of charging them. From October I add one or two items to my weekly shop to spread the cost leaving just the fresh produce to get Christmas week. Sons always bring the alcohol and the enjoyment from the day is payment enough
There are no words.
Well said Chewbacca- get all the protocols needed for a restaurant- need to ask everyone about allergies of course - and make allowances- provide a menu for veggies and vegans- They need to supply some waiters and washer uppers- if you’re paying for it all, you don’t want to be doing any chores- socially distanced tables might be necessary-
Unbelievable! If that happened in our family - they’d be ‘laughed out of town’ .
I would never charge my family/friends towards Christmas Dinner, Drinks, nibbles etc. I have been hosting Christmas Day for the last 10 years and happy to do so.
My children love to see everyone and it is nice for my parents to have everyone together. Sometimes family members will bring alcohol, box of chocolates etc which is an extra treat.
Maybe they don’t want to host, and have done this as a way of making sure no invites are accepted!
My sister in law charged her own Dad £70.00 for his Christmas lunch a few years ago, if you can’t afford to host don’t invite,
When my Dd and her partner invited us for Xmas day lunch, they requested £30 towards the food. I paid it as really wanted to spend Xmas with them. Also, two years down the line they again requested money towards the Xmas day lunch.
I was a bit put out as her partner works in IT and is very well paid.
On the other hand, I have hosted numerous Xmas day dinners over the years, and no one, my son included ever offered me anything.
Different generation- different values.
If 12 people go to the dinner they are making a very healthy profit. If they get things all year have healthy salaries etc… then it sounds to me as though they are not doing it out of the goodness of their heart more to get a few extras into the coffers.
Im hosting Xmas dinner this year, no one has been asked for anything as the host we are providing everything and I like it that way. I want my parents to put their feet up and enjoy being fed and spoiled for the day with no washing up and no costs incurred - after all they did it for me when I was growing up, it’s the least I can do.
I would go, pay and all the other who are invited at the end of the meal make sure you all have doggy bags and divide the left overs between you along with the booze. Then they cant use the leftovers for their friends
Problem solved
I would ‘ regretfully’ decline the invitation!
YANBU, it's utterly ridiculous! I could understand it if they "suggested" you all go out to a restaurant for Christmas dinner together, but doing this to relatives is unacceptable, particularly as they have sooo graciously accepted help in the past from their relatives ?. I wonder whether they would do the same if you weren't family... no one who is trying to "network" would insist on payment, surely!
They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.
How do you know they are going to do this, isn't this the first time they've asked you to pay for Christmas lunch? If it isn't the first time then why are you so surprised about it?
No no no!!! Incredible and mean. Do not go and tell them you are skint .
We all tend to muck in, although I bear the cost of turkey and gammon, the best, therefore expensive. But my family usually stay for anytime up to a week at Christmas and son brings all the cheese and some of the drink, DD, makes the mince pies and brings soft drinks, DGD, who is 14, takes on the catering for one day, although parents buy the ingredients and she also makes biscuits. Our children either take us out for a meal, or cook one as well.
If we could not afford everything AC would just get stuck in and buy what we could not afford.
I find it difficult to see our Christmas being charged for, all though I can just imagine a sharing of costs through who buys whaat.
Just unbelievable am speechless We are going to our daughters for Christmas Lunch and I will contribute some food ie bring the Christmas pudding as we seem as oldies are the only ones who like it so I can take rest home for Boxing Day or freeze it Maybe something else but money never in our family would be asked for Modern day requests Who Started this Idea anyone know ????
I pay £50 for each of us when I am invited to a Christmas meal with family, if I know that there will be no bread sauce on the menu I take some for everyone.
I haven’t looked at all the replies to this post, but it’s got to be a wind up. No one would charge for a meal in their home, if it was suggested I can’t see anyone accepting.
I would be very happy to pay....but I would expect full waiter service and there should be no question of me doing any clearing up.
I suggest you go and remain firmly glued to your chair. Do not lift a finger!
Gosh what are these people intending to serve? Pate de fois gras and lobster? They need to think about going vegetarian, or better still vegan. They would find their food bill a tiny fraction of what they spend, better for their health and the planet and probably tastier. Then they wouldn’t have to demand money for the meal. Degrading.
Well I’m seriously out of date - what does YANBU mean, I get it’s disapproval but can’t work what it stands for!
No defo not ask for money - most people want to contribute with an offering etc. They might as well go to a restaurant and be fully waited on if they are paying!!!
Im on the fence about this with prices rising. I think that if a group of friends or work colleagues decide to have a meal then it is reasonable to ask for payment. For a family gathering it seems somehow grabby. If everyone was on the same economic position then it would be fine to be frank and ask people to contribute food and drink and to chip in =with the tidying up etc. However using the leftovers to feed the neighbours would not sit well with me. I would decline and make my feelings known.
I have to say that after happily hosting Christmas for 40 plus years I was really pleased when 3 years ago DIL said that she would do it and we could come to stay with them. That year I made Puddings, Chrismas Pudding Panettone and Tiramisu . Last year we couldn't go due to Covid, This year we are buying and cooking the Turkey , buying and preparing the veg and taking the pudding. It is perfect for me as we can help out but I don't have any of the responsibility .
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