Children’s behaviour in cafes / pubs

Playgrounds and parks are for running about and letting off steam. Cafes and restaurants are for eating and drinking and enjoying conversation. Both situations require a level of good appropriate manners. If this isn't explained to children, how are they supposed to know.

If parents feel it is right for children to express themselves through their tantrums they should ensure it is done in the privacy of their own homes, not inflict their parenting practices on other diners.

That happened to us once CanadianGran so much to Mr. S.'s embarrassment, I asked the adults to get the children to turn to the volume down.

They clearly didn't like it but did so.

As has been said, cafes aren't play grounds and there are potential dangers of hot food and/or drinks being spilled.

A little empathy goes a long way. No one wants to hear a screaming child, including the parents. The world is hard enough without bitter, judgmental people making it worse with “looks” and comments. The last time I was eating and a toddler started screaming, some of those around me started shooting nasty looks. Turns out her car had broken down and as it was raining outside, she was waiting inside for a ride with her tired toddler. All those nasty comments and looks did nothing but make a bad day worse. It’s sad to see the completely lack of empathy on these posts.

Some parents don't mind their children screaming, though.

Grandpanow that was unfortunate for that mum, and I agree the looks woukd not have helped.

However that is a somewhat different situation than some I have observed:

*Child throwing food around and on floor , parent does nothing, leaves, mess everywhere for cafe to clear up
*child running between tables, knocking tables, crawling under tables where others are sitting, coffee on other tables getting spilt when table knocked
*child completely ripping apart small Central table decoration
*child having huge tantrum and instead of being held gently or picked up and taken out until calmed down, they were ignored whilst they tipped the whole table over!! Then watched whilst they flung themselves around the floor

The point os, it's not about children having tantrums, that's normal! It's about adult responses to those! It's not about children misbehaving per se. It's about adult responses to that!

In cafes etc it's about children needing to be taught and to learn about care and consideration of other people and their property...if they don't learn it over time they will certainly struggle as they grow up, when people will tolerate a self absorbed and selfish adult!

Having said all that I have also often observed children having a tantrum and being dealt with patiently and appropriately by gheir parents, children being quietly told/helped to pick up something they have deliberately dropped, children being quietly removed to discuss a problem. I suspect that we tend to remember the ones causing the hoo-ha with parents who let them rather than the ones who are quietly getting it right!

I would certainly expect my daughter to ensure her children behaved appropriately when they were in cafes, restaurants etc. I would have something to say if they were not showing consideration to others in the restaurant.

Madgran77

Grandpanow that was unfortunate for that mum, and I agree the looks woukd not have helped.

However that is a somewhat different situation than some I have observed:

*Child throwing food around and on floor , parent does nothing, leaves, mess everywhere for cafe to clear up
*child running between tables, knocking tables, crawling under tables where others are sitting, coffee on other tables getting spilt when table knocked
*child completely ripping apart small Central table decoration
*child having huge tantrum and instead of being held gently or picked up and taken out until calmed down, they were ignored whilst they tipped the whole table over!! Then watched whilst they flung themselves around the floor

The point os, it's not about children having tantrums, that's normal! It's about adult responses to those! It's not about children misbehaving per se. It's about adult responses to that!

In cafes etc it's about children needing to be taught and to learn about care and consideration of other people and their property...if they don't learn it over time they will certainly struggle as they grow up, when people will tolerate a self absorbed and selfish adult!

Having said all that I have also often observed children having a tantrum and being dealt with patiently and appropriately by gheir parents, children being quietly told/helped to pick up something they have deliberately dropped, children being quietly removed to discuss a problem. I suspect that we tend to remember the ones causing the hoo-ha with parents who let them rather than the ones who are quietly getting it right!

Yes unfortunately it's the badly behaved children and inconsiderate parents we remember
I find myself groaning inwardly if I see a parent with young children heading for a table near me in a restaurant. Of course often they're fine and I barely notice them, but frequently they're allowed shout and run around or are left crying or tantruming in their push chair while the parent does nothing.

We have a GC on the autism spectrum, when they were younger they often sat under the table in cafés, bistros and restaurants. We have endured the glares and snide comments of other diners, we just smiled back.

I try not to judge as I do not know the circumstances of the family.

We have had two GC born at the beginning of the pandemic, they are not as socialised as their cousins or siblings, they are getting there slowly but are prone to meltdowns in public due to being locked down for most of their lives.

But if they had a meltdown in a restaurant would their parents not bring them outside?

Beswitched

But if they had a meltdown in a restaurant would their parents not bring them outside?

Totally depends on the definition of a meltdown .

It is sometimes possible to head off a tantrum/meltdown by distraction methods, I am not comfortable with children adhering to the children can be seen but not heard way. The majority of parents will react accordingly. In the past we often had a table of adults and a table for the children (when they were able to sit, eat and behave) that way they could play card games, colour etc and not be bored with adult conversations. A couple of Saturdays ago we had a meal at a London Hotel posh restaurant 9 adults, 7 children (aged from 2 to 13 years). The children were sat interspersed with the adults, lovely time was had by all, they were much better behaved than the table behind which was made up of 8 drunk adults…

I find noisy overbearing adults who think the entire clientele wants to hear their conversations far more obtrusive than a child crying for a small amount of time.

I spoke to a young woman about her badly children running around screaming and shouting. I was told they are just children to which I replied and you are a parent who should be teaching your children how to behave and respect others. She left in a huff but I had peace.

Well that's fine. If the parents are able to quickly stop the meltdown they're not going to really annoy other diners.
It's the parents who do nothing, or let it play put instead of bringing the child outside that are annoying and inconsiderate.

Likewise putting the children at a sepa table beside you so that you can keep an eye on them and intervene if they start getting noisy is fine.

Putting them beside other diners while you enjoy a quiet meal in another part of the restaurant is not fine.

Sorry my response was to grannygravy13.

Atqui Tell you daughter this story and see if it changes her mind. I was in a cafe at a small zoo, i was queueing to but a cup of tea, there was a herd of children running wild whilst their mothers sat and chatted, the lady in front of me paid for her order, picked up the tray of hot drinks and turned to walk to her table, one of the children rand straight in to her and the scalding hot drinks went all over that child. I can still hear that child screaming in agony and the mother howling. That poor child will be scarred for life and the mother will live with so much guilt every time she looks at her Son's burnt face.

In my experience the parents and grandparents all seem to be deaf to the noise and disruption their children make. I also think it's got worse during the years. I used to take mine outside as soon as an issue started, if they didn't settle we went home. Nobody seems to have consideration for others. As for these ear-splitting, high- pitched screams, what is it with children who do this? Im not talking toddlers either. From about 7 upwards they seem to run doing this high pitched screaming everywhere. Like another poster my heart sinks when I see a young family sitting near me. You usually have a good idea that your quiet coffee or meal is no more.

Well , I’m glad it’s not just me then .. as I suspected !

Having said that , I do have empathy with parents whose children may be different wired, perhaps on the spectrum , but I can’t see anything wrong with removing the child Until the meltdown has subsided. If it’s in the supermarket , it’s a different matter , but I believe other diners should be respected. I also agree with poster who said that noisy adult people are also v annoying .

GrannyGravy13

We have a GC on the autism spectrum, when they were younger they often sat under the table in cafés, bistros and restaurants. We have endured the glares and snide comments of other diners, we just smiled back.

I try not to judge as I do not know the circumstances of the family.

We have had two GC born at the beginning of the pandemic, they are not as socialised as their cousins or siblings, they are getting there slowly but are prone to meltdowns in public due to being locked down for most of their lives.

Couldn’t agree more !!
Cut people a little ‘slack’ if you don’t know their circumstances!

What must they be like at home as isn't this where good manners start or should ?

I am not comfortable with children adhering to the children can be seen but not heard way

Neither am I and I don't really think that is what is generally being referred to by posters on this thread.

No one is saying children should not be heard. Does objecting to adults shouting into phones, screaming with laughter or generally being nousy and intrusive in restaurants mean people think adults should not be heard?

It's about appropriate behaviour in different environments and showing consideration for people with whom you're sharing a public space.