Elderly Mother + Family Event

A relative of mine was invited to a big event 200 miles or so from home. She declined the invitation as the car journey was too much for her. The person holding the event was disappointed, but understood, so all was well until well-meaning relatives got involved and came up with complicated solutions that would have meant lots of people rearranging things and huge inconvenience all round. You know the sort of thing - 'If you could just do xyz and mum could stay with an until Aunt Gladys can do bcd and then. . .' It caused so many problems. If a had been invited, her counterpart on the other side of the family would have had to be asked, with all the potential for offence being caused that these things involve.

The relative had already said no. The car journey was too much, an overnight stay in somewhere that was not her own house would be tricky, so we'd have had to find a way to have someone stay with her, and the hotel was fully booked by this time.

I was so cross with the well-meaning busybodies. She didn't want to have to explain her reasons for not wanting to make a long journey and stay in a strange bed with someone else in the room (largely bladder-related), and why should she be put in that position? I sometimes think that people want to be seen to be helpful, rather than actually wanting to help people as individuals. Just because someone is older doesn't mean they don't have minds of their own.

Talk to your mum and ask her what she wants to do before you even start discussing any obstacles and potential difficulties. Give her the chance to make up her own mind first…….she at least deserves that much consideration.

Hopefully, Portmeanne found a resolution to her problem! This was posted THREE YEARS AGO!

NanTheWiser

Hopefully, Portmeanne found a resolution to her problem! This was posted THREE YEARS AGO!

Oops!

I didn't notice. Why do people resurrect old threads and not say they've done so. Do most people check the dates?

Guessing resurrected by spam!

grannyqueenie

Guessing resurrected by spam!

Correct!

NanTheWiser

grannyqueenie

Guessing resurrected by spam!

Correct!

What is the point in old threads getting resurrected though?

Will there be somewhere comfortable to sit at all times during the event? And will there be a room with a bed always available if she gets tired enough to want or need to lie down?

Those would be my priorities (having been in similar circs with a relative) - besides the question of whether she does actually want to go. I think I’d want to impress on her that it’s entirely up to her - she mustn’t feel that she ought to want to go, while feeling that it’s probably going to be too much.

The word COVID was mentioned in a few early 2022 posts .. that was the giveaway..

I imagine it’s all sorted Witzend.
IT’S THREE YEARS AGO!

I know exactly what you mean as I am that elderly frail person asked to a family event.
Much as Nansnet has already written.

Amateur carers such as your relations may well need to be informed what you need . For example:-
* down stairs toilet perhaps with raised seat.

* Car that is easily climbed into and out of.

* Special diet if any

* Care needs for lifting you or any part of you whilst not hurting you

* Help with packing e.g. incontinence pads, spectacles. medications, hearing aids, eye drops, clean under wear, warm cardi.

*If use a wheel chair their house may need ramps or able bodied persons to carry it up steps

*aware of safety hazards such as loose carpets or sticking out furniture legs.

NanTheWiser

Hopefully, Portmeanne found a resolution to her problem! This was posted THREE YEARS AGO!

I wondered the same- second time I've noticed an old post today. Please read the dates Gransnetters!

Sorry I did not notice its an old thread. Nevertheless the replies are no doubt relevant to problems of 25/06/25