AIBU about Husband's Anniversary Toast & Christmas Present

Perhaps it was a joke, and I just didn't get it. I will let him know how I interpreted both instances and hopefully, the air will clear and this will be behind us.

Thank you, again, everyone.

Have you asked family or friends if they've noticed any difference in your husband?
He may be in the early stages of Alzheimer's/dementia.
Or, does he have a waterworks infection, as that can lead to all sorts of problems with what is going on in his head?!
And here comes the untasteful part, and I am so sorry, but do you think he may be having or considering an affair? If he is distracted by another woman, maybe someone who has been friendly - not necessarily meaning anything by it - he may be taking that as a sign that she is interested!!
But please ask family and friends if they've noticed anything strange about him, and do not assume I am correct about an affair as I could be (am hoping I'm) so wrong, but as it entered my mind I'm sure others have thought it, too!
Good luck.

I am starting to think that he is in the very early stages of Alzheimers or Dementia. A new incident occurred where he got very angry over the way I was decorating my own birthday breakfast cake to share with our family. I pointed out that he was overreacting and that there must be something else that is irritating him (perhaps his foot that he dropped a board on earlier in the day). Later that evening, he apologized and said that it was "grumpy old man syndrome". Thank you all for listening and providing insight.

Very sad to hear this ss1024, but it would explain the change in his behaviour. I imagine he will be reluctant to see his GP, as this is such a sensitive issue. There are many gransnetters who have experience with this, so please ask for their support, as they are mostly kind and sympathetic.

You might also look at liver disease. I have just discovered that my partner, whose behaviour has changed quite a lot over the years has some sort of problem with his liver - it's being investigated so we don't know yet what it is - but the consultant did say that it can affect the way the brain functions.

MayBeMaw

Notgran Fri 07-Jan-22 08:01:42
Yes I agree with the other posters. You just have to speak to him about asap it not ask GRANSNET. In future regarding Christmas and Birthday presents if it is a big deal to you then you have to tell him what you want

This is harsh Notgran. I agree that OP and her husband need to have the conversation, but not ask Gransnet ? It may be difficult for OP to raise this with family or close friends without feeling disloyal, and there are clearly those, like Annsixty who speak from experience and can suggest underlying health issues, rather than some “hidden agenda” or just short sightedness in the issue of present giving.
Isn’t offering help, support and even advice what we are here for as an online community?

Totally agree MayBeMaw. Also, we are all different and therefore respond in different ways to things that do, or don't, happen in our lives - including accepting the loss of much loved family traditions. Which is what I had to remind myself when I read the response from Notgran...

BTW, he is definitely not having an affair. We are together almost 24/7.

Thank you again, Everyone. All suggestions and thoughts have been very helpful.

notgran

Yes I agree with the other posters. You just have to speak to him about asap it not ask GRANSNET.

Why not ask GN?

I thought the whole purpose of AIBU was to air grievances / 'situations' like this with a group of people who might be well placed to understand such issues. And judging by the comments, they do.

Obviously the OP needs to talk to her OH, but it probably helped her to hear what others thought. Sometimes it's really useful to get strangers' points of view to counteract your own subjective thoughts and feelings - because they look at things more objectively.

Now, I am so sad everyday. Please don't be - there is so much more to a marriage than how special events are celebrated.

To be honest these are the sort of things my OH would have done as a joke.

He made no secret of the fact that he felt under pressure to come up with a suitable gift on these occasions, so I told him that giving should be a pleasure and if he was finding it stressful then maybe just get me some flowers - he did suffer from anxiety. So that is what he did - except occasionally he would come up with something different if he happened to have seen it somewhere and thought I might like it - sometimes I would have preferred flowers to what he came up with!

I admit to having been a bit hurt at his retirement from his GP practice (at the age of 42 because of his anxiety) when in his speech he made no mention of me at all - the only reason he was able to retire at all was because I had taken up more work and had supported him in the decision in spite of the huge upset it caused to all the family - moving house to release capital, school implications etc. I did think there might have been passing reference to thanking luckygirl for her support etc. - but hey ho, I got over it.