Holiday with another couple

I'm e actly the sane and only like going away with My partner..
Be honest and say I want My husband to Myself but would you like to go out for the day and do such and such

During these covid times it is possible to change holiday destinations - my daughter did. Go away the week you have booked, but to somewhere else! And do not tell the other couple!

We used to have the odd weekend break with another couple which worked out ok, but a two week holiday did not work - we were always being dragged into something we did not want to do, so we just said we preferred holidays on our own as it was the one opportunity we had to be “selfish”. We have great holidays on our own now, and we are still good friends with the other couple.

You need to say something as this will ruin your friendship more than it would by saying nothing. When and if you go away with them the resentment will grow and grow and I believe will make more problems and cause perhaps irreparable damage to your friendship.

I agree with lot of comments that suggest you are both going to have a special holiday together this time. We’ve had some lovely holidays with friends but wouldn’t wish to do it every year. No reason for good friends to get upset about it. Book something that you want to do as you have said you don’t enjoy sitting around a pool and find it boring. How bout a lovely city break for a change or a river cruise stopping off to venture around various stopovers.

We went away in 1975 with a couple we thought we knew well! Never again!

No you're not. It's your money your choice! It's not as if they're treating you is it? All you could say is that maybe you're re thinking holidays after last couple years and wish them well!

Its easy, say "thanks but that doesn't work for us." no apology, no explanation.

Gosh I don’t understand why you’ve just got to suck it up. I understand your not confrontational but it’s your money paying for your holiday, it will be like this every holiday if you don’t speak up now. It does frustrate me when people let other people dictate there life’s. Please pull up those big girl pants and say maybe another time.

We went for an Easter break years ago with another couple but never again. We didn't realise how abusive DHs friend was to his girlfriend until he threw his heavy shoes at her on the beach. She was crying and he just went swimming in the sea. She still married him though.
You never really know someone until you live with them or go on holiday with them. He was the epitome of perfect manners back home.
OP tell your OH that you want to go as a couple and cancel if he won't agree to tell his friends. They are determined to cling to you every holiday. You have to make a stand now or it will continue this way. Good luck.

Oh Kamiso I've just thought of a whole scenario of a mid 70s holiday with 2 couples really not suited! I bet you have some tales?!

I have never understood why ANYBODY should do somthing major that they don't want to for fear of gving offense....minor stuff sure but a holiday? no chance.

We like going with friends from time to time. Good fun to share, and much cheaper too if we go by car or rent a car and share expenses. But it requires a lot of 'give and take' too. Last time we went with new friends we thought we knew well. Great company, but their eating habits were so particular that it did spoil things a bit. Going to Italy for us means eating out in the evening, sitting on a beautiful terrasse with a glass or two of local wine- but they announced on the first evening that they never eat after 6. We had a lovely time, still great friends, but would have appreciated knowing this in advance (it was a very recent decision they had made).

Be honest, that is the only way to do this.

Only went on holiday with another couple once and it was a disaster. They were content to just sit around all the time and not explore the countryside. We shared a car to get to our destination and we discovered she had terrible BO.

Think it’s important to lay some ground rules for it to work. We have done it several times and I’m not sociable. We all camped/mobile home so that allowed freedom. We all had different needs/wants. Sometimes met up at breakfast, then did our own thing during day. Met up for evening meal where we discussed what we had been up to. Great fun and picked up some tips. Together mostly during evening.

I'm the same as well, husband only.
We used to go with younger DD and husband they all went walking I was left with a book in the cottage garden if lucky. With the other DD it was Spain in summer far too hot for me and an apartment I like my privacy.
Say you are going together after being locked up for so long and need the time just to unwind.just smile if questioned and say"Romance is not dead", I said that to a friend who was always hinting when I knew the two couples would not get on. I think she thought we were trying to recreate our" youth "and left us alone and went with someone else. Who unfortunately told every chapter and verse of how bossy and domineering the friend had been..

I took DH away on surprise week break to Malta after a year of his gruelling recovery treatments from bowel C.(all ok!) 1st night in our usual hotel bar 5star luxury had day of relaxing and ready for an Intimate lazee week, then a couple we know really well and we'd met there 4years before, and whom we were regular weekenders with (I had told them of my suprise break for him) -suddenly walked into the bar!!!! My reaction? Suprise/shock/ then a dawning of oh FFS!.......quiet week? Not on your nelly. Dragged into rented car trip round island. Dragged to very expensive half day spa treatments, being scoffed for wanting to use full all inclusive facilities and not blow money eating out! Basically they hijacked my secret getaway with a very strung out DH who craved peace and relaxation before returning to very stressful career as a senior cop. It made me want to never see them again but hubby more forgiving(soft!) We were mates up to 2008/9 when they simply stole another couple we were friends with (they lived round corner, the hijackers lived in Gloucester) by being incredibly nasty and telling untruths.nightmare never NEVER again will I share my precious holiday with anyone .buyer beware indeedy! Footnote him hijacked died 2.5years ago and she? Told us in Christmas card without forwarding address it was as if she wanted to somehow spoil a christmas for us as well even though we'd not seen or heard from them for 10years!! Strange folks...

Straight out send them a list of what you like to do on holiday, say what you don't like, eg I'm not into lying by the pool when there are fascinating churches castles gardens art galleries to see.Say you would like to see xy and z and if they don't want to, Yr husband is coming with yo and you will meet for lunch or supper at x or someplace the other couple choose or you choose..

Perhaps next time you think about booking a holiday you could have a work with them and tell them that you are looking to book a romantic getaway with your partner and make it quite clear that you wish to be alone as your time away is the only time you get to spend quality time with your husband for a length of time.
I wonder if they would be so happy to go with you if one of you were on your own.

Unless the other couple have similar interests to yourselves it will always be a bit of a problem.
I think that you need to be honest with them and just explain that for this time, you would prefer that just you and your husband go on this holiday, but perhaps you might think about something else later in the year.
The men in situations like this always seem to be the ones that just go with the flow and it's the women that nearly come to blows!
Maybe there is a reason that the other couple go on holiday with them !
If you do go away as a foursome, you will need to just say what you have said here - that there are times when you would like to go sightseeing/ shopping on your own and as she is happy to sunbathe, that you don't really enjoy, perhaps in future you would split up for a couple of mornings / afternoons and then meet up for coffee or your evening meal . Either that or just say no when the subject of a holiday is raised!

Juicylucy

Gosh I don’t understand why you’ve just got to suck it up. I understand your not confrontational but it’s your money paying for your holiday, it will be like this every holiday if you don’t speak up now. It does frustrate me when people let other people dictate there life’s. Please pull up those big girl pants and say maybe another time.

I agree. There is no reason why a friendship could end just because someone is assertive and clear about their needs on a holiday THEY are spending THEIR money on! If it does end then there was a problem anyway...and there is a problem in this friendship because at least one of the group is getting walked all over and ignored.

Another excellent book to read is "A Woman in Her Own Right" by Anne Dickson

Mummer

I took DH away on surprise week break to Malta after a year of his gruelling recovery treatments from bowel C.(all ok!) 1st night in our usual hotel bar 5star luxury had day of relaxing and ready for an Intimate lazee week, then a couple we know really well and we'd met there 4years before, and whom we were regular weekenders with (I had told them of my suprise break for him) -suddenly walked into the bar!!!! My reaction? Suprise/shock/ then a dawning of oh FFS!.......quiet week? Not on your nelly. Dragged into rented car trip round island. Dragged to very expensive half day spa treatments, being scoffed for wanting to use full all inclusive facilities and not blow money eating out! Basically they hijacked my secret getaway with a very strung out DH who craved peace and relaxation before returning to very stressful career as a senior cop. It made me want to never see them again but hubby more forgiving(soft!) We were mates up to 2008/9 when they simply stole another couple we were friends with (they lived round corner, the hijackers lived in Gloucester) by being incredibly nasty and telling untruths.nightmare never NEVER again will I share my precious holiday with anyone .buyer beware indeedy! Footnote him hijacked died 2.5years ago and she? Told us in Christmas card without forwarding address it was as if she wanted to somehow spoil a christmas for us as well even though we'd not seen or heard from them for 10years!! Strange folks...

I find it quite incredible that your friends muscled their way into a holiday quite obviously planned as a rest / recuperation break for you and your husband. Actually, I'm gob-smacked, I cannot even begin to understand the mentality of such people.

In my book it is not only totally insensitive, it's down right arrogant to think you are so much - what, 'fun' to be with? - that other people are going to lose out on not having you around?

Frankly, I would not have tolerated it and, friend or no friend, would've made it quite clear that their presence was intrusive and unwelcome. If they haven't got the decency to understand that your husband needed a break, with you, from his treatment (and I've had the treatment for the same cancer) then they don't deserve any consideration for their feelings - they certainly had none for yours.

I know I'm biased - I don't like the idea of going on holiday with another couple because I like to do my own (our own) thing and, selfishly I guess, don't want to have to consider every other moment what the other couple might want / not want to do. Meeting up in the evening for drinks and dinner after a day doing what you like doing is one thing... but to wake up every morning and have to consider how the other couple might want to spend the day... oh sheesh, no, no, no.

... but I'm glad your husband is OK now. It is gruelling going through bowel cancer treatment (and surgery) and it takes quite a while to get over all the effects, both physical and emotional. .

My husband wouldnt mind going away with another couple, we have a motor home and he woud love to go with another couple, I woudnt mind meeting up with them for a few days but thats all,I would feel we had to do what they wanted and forfit what we want to do.I like us to go on our own then meet other people casually.

Change your holiday without telling them? lol

A shared holiday would not be my idea of a holiday.Having read GN comments has convinced me .