Hen parties

I'll cut to the chase. In my opinion these over the top hen nights that cost a lot of money are unbelievably chivvy with absolutely no common sense or class.

1summer

My poor daughter has a friend getting married in July, she is lovely girl and in the past been very supportive of my daughter. They wedding should have been in June 2020 and my daughter was sad she couldn’t go to either hen party or wedding as her baby due May 2020. Then Covid after many postponements its July. Her friend so excited my daughter can now go to both. The hen party is in a large villa in Spain for a weekend, lots of activities and a meal at a very expensive restaurant. Its costing a fortune, then the wedding is over 2 days with the wedding on a Saturday then a day of activities and bbq on the Sunday. It all seems very over the top. The only good thing is we get to have our granddaughter for a whole weekend!

Sounds dreadful! How cheap and nasty I feel for your poor DD envy you your little bundle of joy! The thing is, lots of these high cost low class bashes end I an even higher cost divorce in double quick time! They have this warped idea that a wedding is about food drink and mega presents?! Celebrating the couple's joy in sealing their love with a wedding is neither mentioned or in my opinion even considered! Sounds so trashy! À là Katy price.......

Or even chavvy!

Yes Cossey- But the 'monied' friends probably dont even think that there might be ones who cant find that sort of money for this kind of jaunt- its just assumed that cause they can, then they all can probably.And as they want to look as good as them they go along with it.

But that bride doesnt sound like she is 'monied' or she wouldnt want or need her friends/acquaintances to pay for her share would she?Shes just a chancer.

None of my offspring partook of a hen/stag party they had heard of so many expensive ones, in France and Italy and ones where the hen/stag could barely get to the wedding the next day.
One spent the evening with her soon to be in-laws and extended family. The other joined us as a family and we had a buffet. The others stayed quietly at home.
Another member of the family seemed to have a hen" week "with parties all over the place hotels and spas included a huge dinner the night before with all the wedding guests. They looked dreadful on their photos tired and hungover. They did it because it was taken out of their hands as they had attended so many others.

If nothing else works, then a big fat LIE will do.
"Sorry, just asked, and I can't get the time off work".

You only have to watch 'Dont Tell The Bride' on tv to see how some of them expect it to be, (big showy dress & party& hen do) to see how disspointed some of them are at the arrangements their spouse to be has made on the money they have to allocate.

What other people spend their money on is entirely up to them, if anyone cannot afford to go then don't go.

My daughters, all three now in their 30s, so the last wedding was a while back, just had -

eldest in 2006 - trip to animal farm park during the day with lovely picnic and evening meal at a friend's cafe ( optional) at £8 and £10. Lots came.

middle daughter -2009, spa treatments with just the bridesmaids, one of the bridemaids ( not a sister) was pushing for a weekend in London but my daughter said no to that.

The youngest - 2018 had an afternoon tea at a nearby hotel high up on an 'island' with an amazing view, £15 each. Lots came.

The nature of these venues meant that both mums enjoyed the activities and money was not a problem to anyone.

Although tbf on that show there is quite a few grooms who seem to be getting their own back by having lavish stag do's and sending brides on a cheap night out!? one once went abroad with all his mates & sent hens to bingo & they even had get their own drinks. I almost felt sorry for the hens.??

There’s also expensive stag doos so it’s not just the ladies. My son recently went to Greece for three nights for a stag ‘party’, leaving his wife and two children at home. His wife didn’t mind at all as she’s been on a lot of hen parties where my son has been left holding the babies. Seems it’s what they do these days ?! but I don’t think anyone should be blackmailed into joining in with something they don’t want to do.

Elizabeth27- thats just it though, the bride in question wasnt spending her own money though- shes getting everyone else to spend their own hard earned cash to pay for her to go! Not fair at all, and cant be expected in these hard times we are finding ourselves in, can it? Fair enough if she was paying her own way for herself, but shes not, shes blagging an expensive freebie at the expense of others.

Plus all of the ones going are pressuring the ones who cant really afford to go into going/ paying anyway- so no its not on!

What happened to the traditional hen party.A night at your local and a taxi to take you home.

Yes they all have to do everything it seems. My daughter went to ibiza with all the palava for her friends hen do , marriage didn't even last two years.... ridiculous

Josieann

I thoroughly enjoyed the hen parties in our family because it gave me the opportunity to meet "the girls" prior to the wedding. We did some fun things like jewellery making, afternoon tea and learning to mix cocktails. I think they were around £250 for 2 nights, plus travel, which seemed a sensible price.
I was surprised how many husbands were happily being left at home to look after the babies. Good on them!

I'm fascinated that no-one else seems to have been struck by the last paragraph above. Imagine if it had read
"I was surprised how many wives were happily being left at home to look after the babies. Good on them!"
Does anyone else think that 'Good on them!' would NEVER have been said about a woman looking after her own children for a weekend while her husband went to a stag party...?? ?

There's also sometimes a wide age mix at these affairs. So young bridesmaids for whom hens and weddings are still a novelty organising events that don't suit the interests or bank balances of older relatives who are paying mortgages, or creche fees or are simply past their pub crawling getting home at 4am days and don't want to go.

These girls should put their 'big girls pants on', if they want to go they should go, if they don't want to go they should say they can't afford it.

Of course the bridesmaids are pressuring her - it means they get to fork ouyt less for their share of paying the bride's expenses. To hell with what they say - the money can be put to better use, i.e. her own wedding.

Sawsage2

That's exactly what my niece has done. But the bridesmaids continued to pester her. If I was the bride I would be mortified to know my friends were being strong armed into attending a hens weekend they could not afford. I would far prefer everyone just went to a local pizza or Chinese restaurant followed by a couple of drinks in a nearby pub.
But I imagine every weekend there are many young women quietly dreading an enforced weekend of heavy drinking, late night clubbing, and expensive crafts sessions, spa treatments, kayaking lessons etc. but found it very awkward to get out of.

But someone does need to rein in these over enthusiastic bridesmaids and demanding Brides who refuse to understand that these affairs are not enjoyed by or affordable to many people.

I am definitely an old fashioned Gran.
Hen nights and of course stag nights,big expensive location weddings.... Surely there are better ways to spend this money. Unless they all have already bought the house, furnishings etc, I suppose. In that case, good luck to them.

SueDoku I think perhaps you missed the intended humour in my comment. That being the only elderly invitee, I was seeing things from my perspective of several decades ago!

But even if he brideand groom can afford it, their guests often cannot.

jennymolly

I'll cut to the chase. In my opinion these over the top hen nights that cost a lot of money are unbelievably chivvy with absolutely no common sense or class.

You've said what I was reluctant to say (albeit with "chivvy" instead of chavvy )!

I honestly don't want to appear a snob - I mean each to their own and just because something doesn't appeal to me doesn't mean it's unacceptable to others.

The group of girls I saw ready for take-off at the airport some time ago were unbelievably rowdy - some almost screeching - and dressed in badly-fitted T shirts with a double entendre slogan, pink plastic hearts waving around on stalks on their heads, it was all just so, erm, un-attractive

It's an industry - and obviously a very lucrative one. And the commercialisation of the event has robbed it of any real meaning, it's just something you have to do, along with baby-showers (tho' I'm sure some can be quite nice) and then arriving to your wedding in a white 'Princess' type, horse-drawn carriage.

Once commerce gets a hold on these things, you're in trouble, because there will be ever more options and offers to induce you to spend even more money - money that probably many of these young women really cannot afford.