Hen parties

It has got ridiculous but I’m off to my daughters hen do in March. All very efficiently organised by her 4 bridesmaids. We were asked a budget before and I said £300 but know her mother in law to be said no budget!!! They organised this early 2021 and we’ve been paying so much a month so not been too painful!!
It’s in Edinburgh and most of us live south of Leeds - we’re actually in Kent!!
In 1978 my hen do was night out at disco with organised minibus - can’t remember food but there was plenty of drink!!!

conversation from neice " I am sorry that i can't attend , So please let me treat you to a lunch meal to make up for it"
i suggest lunch as meal deals are usualy available and no expectation of buying an expensive dress and drinking to excess.

It is ridiculous, but, hey, it's not up to you! if your niece is that stupid, well, it's up to her.

Dickens

I agree. The whole thing has become an industry, and yet another way to part young people from their money. It seems like every event and occasion nowadays is just jumped on by commercial outfits and turned into a tacky over the top affair.

I remember when weddings lasted a few hours and were held in the bride's hometown with a reception in a nearby hotel.
When Christenings were small family affairs with no baby showers or silly gender reveal parties beforehand.

When leaving school was celebrated by a few high jinx on the day, and sneaking into a pub for a few drinks later on. Graduations only applied to Universities.

Goodness I do sound old and I'm not even 60 yet.

It's a waste of money she can't afford.

Thanks brazen, but my niece isn't stupid which is why she's not going to go, or have a ridiculously OTT hen party herself.

She's just having trouble getting through to the bridesmaids that she cannot afford it.

It’s enough expense just being a guest, we went to one recently whereby we spent a small fortune, to start with there’s a wedding present and a hotel for the night then there’s new outfits for you both as we had both grown out of the type of clothes you would wear to a wedding ? and then there’s also your drinks, I was starting to wish I hadn’t been invited ?

It seems like an ever increasing spiral of showing off and keeping up. What on earth has it to do with a Hen NIGHT - i.e. one evening? I attended one that invoved a three night stay at a country house, with spa treatments costing (considerably) extra, a limousine there and back - it was just too much and I really don't think that all the participants were happy with having to pay so much or risk 'upsetting' the bride. My eldest DS felt obliged to attend a stag week in Prague - it cost him so much, and it was basically a drunken week that he didn't much enjoy and didn't feel too well throughout. These days I seem to attend more funerals than weddings so it isn't a problem now.

Weddings and hen do's are out of control. But the onus is on her to say 'no, I can't afford it'.

I should have proof read that post - how many times can you include 'much' without looking stooopid. Also 'involved' isn't spelt correctly. Naughty corner here I come.

It’s daft and not the only occasion to be ruined. Prom nights, baby showers, graduation parties and more... probably. Yet funerals are ‘crowd funded’ . Ridiculous indeed!

Ridiculous waste of money!
I didn't have a hen party when I married. I didn't want one. Neither did I go to my DILs hen do's, just not my sort of thing.

I have heard of brides spending £thousands on Hen parties, here and abroad, because they were expected to pay for all those attending. Just crazy!!

I agree it’s all getting ridiculous, hen nights, baby showers, kids parties and people spending an absolute fortune on the actual wedding. It seems people are under pressure to try and out do each other. My hen night in the late 70’s was just a few close friends going for a few drinks and a dance at a night club in the local town then home in a taxi, we had a great time and it didn’t cost much more than a normal Saturday night out. That was the norm then, It was unheard of to invite your mums and mother in law along then as many do now, I just don’t get it. We had better things to spend our money on, tbh me and my friends just couldn’t have afforded such extravagant do’s. We all had lovely weddings but all done on a reasonable & sensible budget. People are feeling pressured to spend more than they can afford, it must be hard to say you can’t go if you’re a bridesmaid or a close friend.

Money wasted.

One of the advantages of not being young is that you can be introverted in peace
No pressure to be out partying or dancing on a Saturday night, or having somewhere to go on New Year's eve etc

It must be even harder nowadays when every occasion seems to demand a loud ostentatious event.

Let alone the hundreds of photos of the event on Facebook afterwards, so if you don't go you feel you are out of the "group". Being friends matters to youngsters more these days, I guess?

No such thing as a hen do when I married. A time was set for a showing of presents to which all the females who had given a gift were invited. Sometimes this would be in bride's parent's home or a hall. Usually saysage rolls, sandwiches, cakes, tea were served with a toast proposed by the bride's oldest relative if present. Usually turned into a bit of a party. The thought of say 10 friends spending £500 each ( £5000 ) to celebrate someone marrying is appalling. Then if the couple separate in a couple of years as is quite common, what a slap in the face to the hen party.

Gosh there are some some judgemental posts on here. Not every hen weekend is a riotous chavvy drinking festival, but you’d certainly think so from reading this. The idea of a weekend away for girlfriends and female close relatives of the bride is at heart a lovely thing to do. How much people spend, where they go, and the tone of the weekend reflects the people who have arranged it. There should be no pressure on anybody to go - if there is the bridesmaids who have organised it need a strong talking to.

The point is though that these things become competitive and often Brides and guests feel pressured into joining in, or that a few drinks in the pub or a quiet meal out will be seen as dull or boring. Peer pressure amongst younger people can be very strong.

I do agree it would be better if more people had the courage to put their foot down and say no it's too ecpensive/not really my cup of tea/don't want to use up annual leave. But that can sometimes be difficult

I can honestly say I’ve never been invited to one like that Beswitched, usually they are negotiated via a Facebook messenger group so everybody is involved in the arrangements - and people who can’t attend say so via the group. There’s never been any animosity and nothing over the top in terms of cost. Must depend who you know I guess, I’ve never met a Bridezilla or Keep up with the Jones’ bridesmaids - just people who love the bride and want a special weekend that she will remember.

I agree with everyone on here it’s all gone a bit crazy,hen weekends ,gender reveal parties , baby showers etc !!,
I know I’m a grump !
In my day you went out for a few drinks with your friends and got home the same night although usually NOT in the same condition you went out .

My granddaughter and partner just went off to the register office with two friends without telling anyone when they were expecting their baby. They are very happily married fourteen years later.
My grandson and his girl friend had the works, hen party, stag night, very expensive wedding. They parted after six months.

Beswitched

Dickens

I agree. The whole thing has become an industry, and yet another way to part young people from their money. It seems like every event and occasion nowadays is just jumped on by commercial outfits and turned into a tacky over the top affair.

I remember when weddings lasted a few hours and were held in the bride's hometown with a reception in a nearby hotel.
When Christenings were small family affairs with no baby showers or silly gender reveal parties beforehand.

When leaving school was celebrated by a few high jinx on the day, and sneaking into a pub for a few drinks later on. Graduations only applied to Universities.

Goodness I do sound old and I'm not even 60 yet.

... Oh, goodness, I'd forgotten the 'gender reveal' parties!

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/gender-reveal-inventor-says-stop_n_5f56ee4fc5b6578026d22207

The woman credited with making gender-reveal parties popular has a request after a major California wildfire was ignited during one such event over the weekend: “Stop having these stupid parties.”

I think these occasions haven't really affected the demographic here on GN, as many of us stated, being of a certain age, they didn't really exist in our day, maybe a meal out with friends and of course a low key get togethers with girl friends can be very nice. The problem being is that the hen nights have ballooned out of all proportion and morphed into week ends or a week abroad. It is a subject that comes up increasingly over on MN where the women are younger and so they are the ones that get these invites. One only has to read through what they have to say to see that so many don't really want to go, particularly to the more excessive affairs where the outlay is considerable, and you may be part of a circle of extended friends and therefore such invites may crop up several times a year. In fact I've read testaments by people who say they have spent thousands on them which impacts on all aspects of their own lives, saving up for housing, holidays. Factor that in with all the other balls, 20/30 somethings are having to keep in the air, jobs, partners, children, finances and for many these occasions become a drain, a nuisance. Some women say they just feel backed into a corner, which poses the question is any friendship worth that amount of aggro.

Going back to my previous post of a detailed thread on MN, commented on here by Maggiemaybe, Dickens and Lincslass, as I said the tale was quite a long one with the stressed out woman who started receiving overwhelming support from the other contributors as she was being berated for her lack of enthusiasm, particularly shock horror, missing out on a dead important Zoom about to talk about all the drivel surrounding the Hen getaway, as she had to go to work a last minute extra shift at the hospital where she was employed, not important at all of course! I remember there was a twist in the tale, when she got cut off by some of the bride's cohorts, one of the "mean girls" possibly chief bridesmaid, subsequently got on the wrong side of the bride too by having the audacity to become pregnant at some period down the line and in doing so was told she'd ruin the photo line up because she'd heaven forbid no longer fit in her dress, look out of place with the other sylph like handmaidens or some other bullshit, can't remember exactly. It does seem that those planning these over the top affairs lose all sense of proportion, almost as if they are arranging a vitally important world summit instead of their bloody nuptials

Apologies I haven’t read ALL responses so am probably reiterating what others have said.

Historically Hen and Stag parties were the end of single life and the beginning of a partnership. They were simple affairs , a drink or two (or a blackening for the intended groom). Just an evening. NOW they can stretch a whole weekend or more!

What gets me is MOST of these people ALREADY live together so it’s not actually a hen ir stag ?.

I get bemused by people who think it is acceptable to expect friends to fork out hundreds for either! It’s just an excuse for a gigantic p*ss up imo ?.

How many of these couples won’t ever go out again with their mates? Not many I would think ?