Hen parties

Mad. I have a young friend who organised a few drinks and snacks and a lady who demonstrated how to make fascinators and party bags - and then they set to making and chatting. Fun and useful. They has a little competition and photos at the end. Didn't take lots of time or money.

Here's part of an ad for stag weekends in eastern Europe...

We've got unforgettable budget stag nights that include everything from bar crawls and strip clubs to water sports.

The blurb then goes on to explain that the price of a beer in the Czech capital (a favourite destination) can be less than the price of your morning latte.

Considering the price of a morning latte can vary considerably, and adding in the cost of accommodation and travel - would it not be cheaper to stay at home for pub crawls and strip clubs? Although the water sports are possibly fun.

We visited a friend in Prague, just after the Revolution when Václav Havel was made President (before the 'split'). It is a fascinating, lovely city. Our friend has told us since that its popularity as a stag and hen destination has ruined parts of the city which can become virtual 'no-go' areas because of the loutish behaviour of many of the stags and, unfortunately, some of the hens, who have been known to be quite rude to the locals. There are bars which will not allow larger groups of men / women inside apparently - although others will try to entice them in. And our friend told us that this 'scene' was in fact putting off other tourists from visiting.

So I guess there's stag / hen nights which differ widely. Doing fun things with your friends is a great idea, but these events do have a bit of a reputation.

Hithere

An invitation is not summons

I do like that comment. Hithere! It’s true that young women can feel very pressurised to attend such events, often at great financial cost and those invited shouldn’t be given the emotional blackmail treatment if they don’t want to go for whatever reason. It’s all got out of hand and ridiculously expensive. Some of these hen parties are even abroad, further adding to the cost. When I got married in the 1970’s it was a meal at Bernie Inns with about 4 or 5 of us and then home on the last bus!

Crazy, she should just refuse to go - hen nights used to be a drink with your best female friends - this is completely out of control, such a waste of time and money

As we post here, there's a "Hen" thread on MN at the moment, Hen week end, flight and accommodation £700 then there's the wedding, some distance away, will involve overnight costs, I think she thought that would be another £1,000 all in. Her dilemma she's in a flat share plus trying to save for a property with partner. Wants to back out of the unnecessary expense for all that will be incurred for what is essentially frivolous nonsense. One responder said "I don't know how some have the balls to expect people they know to stump up these ridiculous amounts" That's it in a nutshell!

Oh by the way Dickens so agree about the awfulness of Stag and Hens trashing their way round parts of Europe, particularly Prague which seems to be a favourite. Bad enough at home, but abroad, shames us all

Hen nights, baby showers, gender reveal parties etc; it's all got out of hand in my opinion. I was happy having a night out at my local disco with all the girls for my hen night. I even got married at Gretna Green so we wouldn't have to spend a fortune on a big wedding and we then had the money for a deposit to buy our first home together.

I'm glad that they didn't have big, elaborate hen nights when I was young and might possibly have been invited. An evening at the pub I could bear but something that went on for days and involved activities and the need to be sociable all the time? Bah, humbug... Particularly if it was costing me a fortune.

Can't bear big show-off weddings either, or brides who think it's an excuse to be a diva...Basically, I like everything simple and quiet, probably because I am a miserable old sod (and used to be a miserable young one.)

I am very genuinely curious

What did your generation did differently compared to your parents and grandparents?

What did they consider unreasonable that you liked?

As a yorkshire woman I was married twice (my first husband was killed in a car crash) and think it is ludicrous that things have escalated to this stupid extent where this huge amount of money is spent for no good reason. My first wedding dress was a lovely simple dress in white , bought in a sale. I was very happy with it and our money was going to be put towards getting a home , not wasted on what you hope would be the only time you would wear it! When I was getting married the second time, I was having a lot of trouble with my back having had a slipped disc, and was waking at ungodly times of day. So decided that as I was awake I might as well go into Manchester and be there for the sales I was going for a laptop as was doing a university course and handwriting long essays caused me problems . Never done it before but duly got there about 5.30am, and didnt know how these things worked. Then about 8.30 someone came down the line and you were allowed one special sale thing. I had originally wanted to get the laptop but they had all gone and so I had about half a minute to choose so remembered that there were two pure wool very good make suits, so asked for one of those, and they give you the ticket for that item . Thought I had wasted my time, you had half an hour when the store was open to get the bargain and after than anyone could have . So went to this very posh womens area wearing trousers and boots in the cold weather not expecting to be trying on clothes. The turquoise suit fitted me and I loved it. took it home and just put it away. Then when we were discussing getting married at the methodist church, I though yes my bargain suit. Hadnt worn it yet at all. So had the turquoise suit with navy shoes, navy tights and a vintage fascinater , navy blue with a small feather on the side very 1920's .Had a happy day and wore that suit to many other occasions . the joy was in joining together not things and I do think that this is another habit we could have done without arriving from the usa! I also do not like the expectations of lists of presents . I was happy to say this is the china we have and anyone could choose something from that pattern, whether it was a mustard pot or dinner plates etc. The very sad thing is where you hear that young couple have got themselves into debt to pay for these extravagances and they do not add to the actual wedding day. I had a friend whose son married a girl who wanted all this big day stuff. My friend could only talk to me about how worried she was because she was between a rock and a hard place. If she said that she thought it was getting out of hand, she sounds begrudging and controlling. If she tries to explain that various friends or relative cannot afford it she sounds complaining. Cant win can you. My favourite simple wedding I went to was a lutherin one in the north of germany. The lovely idea that to me symbolized the occasion, was that the families lined the pathway to the church , with his on one side , hers on the other. The couple arrived together in a car with flowers in it. Then they started up the path and as they walked on from each side, his father walked with her mother, her father with his mother etc etc and you paired up and walked in behind the couple and then you all sat in a single group. This was a lovely way to show families joining together and also if you have a situation where one side have lots of people and the other side very few again you dont end up with his side her side in the church. Well I have very happy memories about both occasions and it didnt include spending a fortune!

I'd never heard of Hen parties when I first married, and that wasn't exactly in the Dark Ages - 1972 - and I certainly wouldn't have wanted one, then or now.

What a weird tradition! Surely you'll see your friends as much after marriage as before? Why on earth would you need/want to spend large sums of money on a night out that could be put towards a honeymoon or something for your home?

Mind you, up where I live there's an age old tradition of a "Blackening" which seems just as preposterous to me: in pre-car times it was by horse and cart, now it's using an open backed van. The bride to be (and separately, the groom sometimes) is covered in black oil or treacle or something equally sticky and horrible - on a historical occasion it was bloody (literally) tripe; and rice and sundry other things thrown over her as they drive around the town making as much noise as possible.

Madness.

I must be a stuffy old stick-in-the-mud.

poshpaws

I'd never heard of Hen parties when I first married, and that wasn't exactly in the Dark Ages - 1972 - and I certainly wouldn't have wanted one, then or now.

What a weird tradition! Surely you'll see your friends as much after marriage as before? Why on earth would you need/want to spend large sums of money on a night out that could be put towards a honeymoon or something for your home?

Mind you, up where I live there's an age old tradition of a "Blackening" which seems just as preposterous to me: in pre-car times it was by horse and cart, now it's using an open backed van. The bride to be (and separately, the groom sometimes) is covered in black oil or treacle or something equally sticky and horrible - on a historical occasion it was bloody (literally) tripe; and rice and sundry other things thrown over her as they drive around the town making as much noise as possible.

Madness.

I must be a stuffy old stick-in-the-mud.

Totally agree with this; ^ I married in 1971 and all this stuff was unheard of

I must be out of step. I got married in 1985, and I had a hen weekend (in Scarborough), so did quite a few of my friends in different ways - some had an evening do, some a day trip, some one night away, some two. I looked it up because I didn’t know it was so rare - it seems it wasn’t!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22659227

My daughters had small hen dos. The eldest had dinner after which we more mature ladies went home and 'the girls' went on to a club. My younger daughter did go away but with a small group of her closest friends who often had weekends away, usually at a Butlins or Air BnB and very low budget. Then she had an dinner for everyone else. Her friends later organised an afternoon tea for her baby shower. They all seem to do much the same and have a great time.

Kali2

Totally ridiculous- same with baby showers, etc!

Yes I agree, it's not affordable to some people to go to a hen night, and people have so much pressure to go.

Talk about pearls before swine! It's about the marriage, not the wedding.

Anything just so the bridezilla gets treated like a princess and doesn't have to pay for it!!
Why do they have to pay for her, and BESWITCHED, how come it went up from €400 to €500 before you'd finished typing? Was that a premonition on your part? ?

Sorry that was a typo. The upfront cost is about €400 and then when you add in all the other costs my niece thinks it will amount to about €600 per person which includes covering some of the bride's costs.

Anyhow she has had a text on the hens WhatsApp saying that as several hens are not free for the full weekend they are now all going for only one night. The expensive hotel dinner has been moved to a cheaper pizza place and they will bring a few bottles of prosecco to have in one of their rooms first, and will go to the pub after dinner. Also their deal now includes one spa treatment not two. So no party bus or nightclub or second day and night to finance etc.
Niece thinks that will bring the cost down considerably and reckons they must have got a few complaints.
She'd still rather not go but will suck it up.

Most of my friends had a similar approach to mine. Low key, registry office weddings, no official photographer, garden flowers etc. A spread of food at the house afterwards, then off to north Wales for the weekend/week.
Sounds very boring in comparison to today’s extravaganzas. No hen or stag nights, though we did meet friends for a drink the night before.

I wonder how much changes as each generation does something as different as possible than their parents. The current generation do seem to like a party and have more disposable income than mine did. Or credit cards

Self indulgent nonsense most of the time. When did young people become so self absorbed? Is it because they want to put it on Instagram?

HettyBetty

Self indulgent nonsense most of the time. When did young people become so self absorbed? Is it because they want to put it on Instagram?

The hen that I will be attending next week, comprises mainly family and a few friends. We have been unable to get to know each other due to the fact I have been shielding, am immunocompromised and the mother of the bride and her sister are nurses, who have been working in Covid ICU, with no wish to put me at risk.
The bride has had nothing to do with the organisation of things, it is to be a surprise.

Have a good time Marydoll- a proper outing x

Thank you Iam. I am a bit nervous about socialising, but intend to go.
The hot tub is also causing me some anxiety. I have been told that with three nurses and two police officers present, they will be able to prise me out if I get stuck!! ? Unfortunately, there will be no members of the fire service attending. Just in case I need a fireman's lift.

jennymolly

Or even chavvy!

Exactly.

Marydoll

Thank you Iam. I am a bit nervous about socialising, but intend to go.
The hot tub is also causing me some anxiety. I have been told that with three nurses and two police officers present, they will be able to prise me out if I get stuck!! ? Unfortunately, there will be no members of the fire service attending. Just in case I need a fireman's lift.

A hot tub? Seriously? You are going to immerse yourself in chlamydia soup Marydoll? You can’t be serious!

You are a sensible lady, I think you are joking. ?