What to do on death of a loved one

Some funding pages are set up by a 3rd party, with or w/o knowledge of the relatives of the deceased, and then they are informed.

I would not presume to judge those who have been bereaved on how they choose to deal with this. We all find our own different ways of coping.

You need to do two things:
- search in your heart for a shred of humanity
- ask for your post to be removed

Today is the second anniversary of my husband's death. I am dealing with it in my own way. I do not need you or anyone else passing judgement.

Luckygirl13

?

If it helps them to cope, so be it.

I would not presume to judge how people handle their grief.

Luckygirl13 xx

Much love and empathy, Luckygirl13 xx

This is news to me, probably because I'm not on any social media forums.
But people do lots of things nowadays that are a switch around of the morals and mores we grew up with.
Is it the on line descriptions of grief that you dislike, or the crowd funding aspect?

Luckygirl3

I would not presume to judge those who have been bereaved on how they choose to deal with this. We all find our own different ways of coping.

You need to do two things:
- search in your heart for a shred of humanity
- ask for your post to be removed

Today is the second anniversary of my husband's death. I am dealing with it in my own way. I do not need you or anyone else passing judgement.

The Poster is merely saying about posting someone’s death on social media and setting up a funding page to pay for the funeral , which is very often the case as I see almost daily . The Poster is in no way disrespecting anyone who has lost a loved one and how they personally deal with it , just looking to GN thoughts on the matter .
I wish ones who reply to a post would read the contents first before making assumptions.
I too have lost my long term partner two years ago , and yes, I’ve dealt with it in my own way , and no , I didn’t want to post about his death on social media or even want anyone to set up a fund raising page for the cost of his funeral .

Everyone handles things differently

After all this pandemic social media has become more important for 2 things:

1. A way to connect and engage with people we care about

2. A way to let out whatever negative emotion is being harboured

Please try to choose 1

Namsnanny Gransnet is a social media forum

Some people post news of a death on social media because it is a fast way of letting friends and family know. Sometimes the deceased was prominent in their community. There are many reasons for doing this. The GoFundMe appeals are usually created by friends.

We all have our own way of dealing with stuff.

Luckygirl, I cannot believe two years have passed. A sad day for you, today. ?

Sashabel, there are a number of posters on GN, who have recently lost loved ones and have found the support they have received on GN, of great comfort in their darkest moments.
We all deal with grief in different ways. Whether it was your intention or not, your post comes across as very judgemental.
I am not surprised this thread has upset Luckygirl. I would be too.

Nobody should criticise a grieving person. Some people panic about funeral costs and set up a funding page, some people want everyone to know so post on social media or like those on here want some support.

I would liken it to a death notice in a local newspaper. In these days of increased technology people are more likely to see the death of an acquaintance on social media as many don’t actually buy a local newspaper any more.

The gofundme I struggle a bit more with it I’m honest, but the announcement and funeral details on social media makes sense to me. It saves grieving relatives from having to make endless phone calls etc.

I’m not on FB but I’ve heard of these notices that people quickly post and have never understood how they can manage to do it at such a time. I suppose grief has always a private thing to me, telling those who need to know and putting a death notice in the paper. A generational thing I suppose.

The thing is you can’t phone everyone. Having to say it over and over again.

When my sister died recently I phoned one cousin and they then phoned round that side of the family. Another cousin contacted people on the other side. But for her friends (who I hardly knew) I put it on Facebook. How else could I have contacted them all without going through her address book and phoning or writing to each one?

Dibbydod - thank you for your post and for understanding what I was trying to get at.
In no way was I disrespecting those on the GN forum who have lost a loved one. I don't consider the GN Forum to be anything like FB, Twitter or Instagram and for all of those on this site that have experienced bereavement, you have my condolences.

The use of social media to inform people of a death is no different from putting it in the local paper (or The Times) - it is simply a modern version, using a means that was not open to previous generations. People have made announcements in local and national papers, and expressing their sadness, for hundreds of years.

How do you think, OP, people on here who have been recently bereaved and used facebook etc. to inform others of the death might feel about your scathing post? Your post implies that there is something crass and less sincere about using social media in this way - it is quite offensive to those who have chosen to do so.

For those who struggle to pay the exorbitant costs of a funeral, social media and crowd-funding provide a useful way of being able to create the sort of fitting ceremony and tribute to their loved one. I am glad that this is available to them.

Recently a Gransnetter in need of funding for important surgery used the same means to raise the funds and many of us were happy to be part of helping her - do you find that unacceptable too?

For me, it's the sort of announcements I have read about that I don't like. Not just a simple announcement like you would (and I did) put in a newspaper.

I am not sure it actually matters what others like or dislike. What matters is that the bereaved individuals do the right thing for them. What others might think is irrelevant.

The use of social media for announcements that used to be in the paper is quite simply moving with the times.

I chose a very simple announcement in the paper - my choice. But I do not judge those who choose to do something more in keeping with the times - their choice.

Each to their own we all find ways of dealing with things.

You are judging people who are grieving and possibly in shock,
just over four years ago I received a telephone call telling me my darling daughter had taken her life, I was alone, I sat clutching a box of painkillers, wanted to be with her but had three teenage grandchildren dependent on me, I reached out
here, I received so much support , with funeral arrangements, not with money but with care and understanding, through the inquest too . My life was saved because I reached out here.

Please don’t judge people who are lost in grief

I very rarely post anything on social media but, if I had a bereavement in my immediate family, I think I probably would (in addition to our local telegraph). It's quick, easy and can reach so many people without the need to repeat yourself when distressed.

In relation to people asking for help in paying for funerals, I really can't think of anything worse than not having the money to pay for your loved ones service. In the current economical climate, I fear more people will find themselves in this position

Many people don't read newspapers or look up death notice sites. Social media has taken over from that and is a good way to let family, friends and the community know.
Funding posts are often started by friends. I have no objection to this especially for someone young as family will probably have no provision for funerals, and I am happy to support fund raising for charities/hospitals/hospices. I do object to these go fund me sites for people who have gone on holiday with no insurance then had an accident as that is their own fault. If you can afford to go on holiday insurance is part of it.

I'm on social media and the first and only time I've seen anyone ask for help with funeral funding was yesterday .A young piper who we often saw /heard on Independence marches took his own life .His friends asked
for funds to help his parents who are to say the least devastated ,Who are we to judge,its being done with the best of intentions from a good heart .And yes ,we donated .