Am I being over sensitive ?

Oh Dear I do see what you me but sadly some in laws do get on your nerves. To be frank I cant see her changing and what I would suggest is make sure you and your partner have a united front and stand up to her but not at the cost of all falling out. I think you are going to have to turn a deaf ear to some of this. She sounds like my other was - drove me crazy so I know what you mean. Best wishes.

YANBU - she sounds a nightmare! When she tries to give you childcare advice, I would just say that things are done differently now, each generation has their own way of doing things. She sounds as though she is a little jealous of you, I would just ignore her personal comments and do what I did and smile sweetly (and make a mental note of how not to treat any future DIL that you may have!) ☺

Number two problem about the double buggy your partner supported you.

Number three you were right to ignore her and do what you thought best. Well played.

The proper response to number four is for you to say "pish!" to yourself inside your head. The woman is just trying to be one up all the time. One could almost ( almost! ) feel sorry for her insecurity.

Number five. Yup.

Number six is not worth am instant of your attention.

You're doing fine. Just try to ignore her a bit more while smiling sweetly and thinking Oh for goodness sake! in your head.

I seem to have missed no.1

You are not being over sensitive she sounds awful. Your husband has to back you on important issues and stand up to his mum. He is probably so used to her sarcasm he doesn’t notice.
Next time she makes unwanted comments ask her if she means to be so rude.
She certainly sounds a know it all

Justamom
Time to put the big girl knickers on I’m afraid.
The woman is a bully, but get it into your head that bullies don’t like to be confronted.
I don’t mean in front of a crowd but on your own. Write down what you want to say, practice saying it out loud. No raising of your voice. Just tell her in a cold and calculated way that it’s going to stop.

Some GMs want to be involved and give advice. They really shouldn't!
They are your children and you follow your instincts about how to look after them. Just thank her for the advice but say you will do it in your own way.

You are going to have to master the non reply

"thank you for sharing"

"I will think about that"

"that's an interesting idea"

Then just carry on as you are. The more you JADE, justfy, argue, defend and explain, the further she will push.. So don't do it. Let it all roll off you.

She may turn her non helpful remarks on your partner if she can't get at you and he may then realise what she has been putting you through

Next comment that stings, say quietly to her, can we please talk on our own, tell her how upset at her criticism, you feel upset when she does it and could she stop, it’s up to her then, she needs to change her attitude, you can’t be undermined as your children grow, I’m afraid if she didn’t stop, I would absent myself from her for a while, your husband could take the children to see her, you are pregnant and shouldn’t be having this stress. I love my dil to bits, don’t see her that much, but we love each other, she has never received a critical word from me. My son is her partner and she comes first with him as she should. He would not stand for me talking down to her, but I wouldn’t to it anyone, how can you get pleasure by ridiculing someone?

She sounds exactly like my (now dead so not the same one) ex MIL. A bully. Always knowing best and wanting to be in charge. I don’t think you’ll change her if mine was anything to go by so you need to get your partner on your side and put up a united front. Do things your way and try as hard as you can not to take it personally because I reckon she’d be the same with whichever girl her son got together with. I’m sensitive too and I know how it hurts but stay determined to look after your babies your way, with love. Like my former MIL, it doesn’t sound as if yours is nearly such a loving person as you are. Babies need to be cuddled and not made to stand for long periods when there’s another way, don’t they? Your confidence that you’re doing the right thing will grow, I promise. The proof of that will be your happy children brought up your way, with love.?

Good advice from VioletSky, justamom.
I wouldn’t let her see she has upset you. Show her you’re tough, by ignoring her.
#6 is positively creepy. I wonder how your partner feels about that?

Ask your partner to deal with her, don't let her be your problem. There is absolutely no reason your partner can't interface with his mum.

I agree, don't JADE.

I also agree to stock replies -- "Thanks for offering" "Interesting" "No thank you" (hold your ground and give nothing)

I would have laughed and said “And I’ve seen pictures of you when you were young and pretty. But at least when this baby’s born I’ll be skinny again”. ?

My ex-MIL was a shocker, but I learned to give back as good as I got.

When she gave out unwanted advice (commands) I would laugh and say, “Yes well you have a baby, you can do that” as if everything she said was funny.

Funnily enough, when she became my ex we got on quite well and stayed in touch.

You have a problem, no doubt, but it does seem that your partner realises his mother is a pain in the proverbial and that is a long way to coping with a MiL like this.

My mother was always excellent with things like this, she either completely ignored the remarks and continued as if nothing had been said, made a vague mmmm noise or, if all else failed, responded by starting a conversation on a different subject that started with a question to the person. 'Have you seen what they are doing to the house down the road?'

You could try them, though whether they will work in a situation like this I am not sure.

You appear to have 2 problems: you have an interfering mother in law and an OH who doesn't back you up and minimises the behaviour of his mother. The first problem can be solved by ignoring her unsolicited advice and just carrying on with raising your children in your own way. Only you know the answer to the 2nd problem.

I really feel for you! It’s a long time ago now but my MIL was similar. She couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself and thought she had a right to say anything she liked to me. DH told me to ignore her. He wouldn’t challenge her because she “had a hard life.” This was true but hard to tolerate. I tried to see her good points such as her generosity. She never visited without bringing flowers or cakes and truly loved all her family. The in laws were never good enough though. Shortly before she died she thanked me for being a good wife and mother so we parted on good terms. I advise you to to accept her for what she is and refuse to allow her to upset you. Your own stress levels will hopefully reduce.

No, you are not being over sensitive Justamom and I think that M0nica's advice is spot on. Ignore her, don't even bother with a response. Any response will let her know that what she says bothers you, so don't give her one.

I'm stunned that MILs and grandparents think it's OK to interfere with the way their offspring bring up their children. Unless you're doing something obviously dangerous, they should just butt out.

There were times when I thought my DIL and son should have done things 'differently' - but only in my head. I would never have actually told them.

Each generation has their own way of raising children - and of living their lives. TBH, unless, as I said you can see an obvious danger in what a parent is, perhaps unwittingly, doing, it's none of our business.

My own mother only ever gave me such 'advice' when I asked for it, and I've followed her principle.

If that was my MIL, I would simply point out - politely of course, that she had her way of doing things and that I have mine, and will do what I think is best for my children. You know your children better than anyone else.

As for the cooking thing, that was just plain rude of her. She sounds like a nightmare of a MIL and needs putting in her place, a tad.

I don't think you're being over-sensitive - she sounds very over-bearing. I consider myself lucky - I got on better with my MiL than my own mother, and she never interfered. When my grandson was born, I always told my DiL that I would never tell her how to do things - if she asked for my advice, I would happily offer her some suggestions, but I wouldn't be offended if she didn't take that advice or follow those suggestions. In this situation, I would do as others have suggested and just try to ignore her (even though that may not be easy at times!)

Ohh heck, she sounds a nightmare.
Has your partner said to you she irritates him? I mean he has had many more years of her than you have, she sounds jealous to me, has she anymore children or is your partner an only child?

I cant for the life in me see the justification in a MIL belittling her DIL for absolutely no reason and knowing her needless comments HURT !!!! Just plain nasty.

I certainly wouldn't stand for it, i too am very sensitive but i am also someone who rolls her sleeves up and takes noooooo nonsense.

So make sure your partner agrees with you, get those sleeve rolled up and get the nasty woman that you are the mother and if she has nothing pleasant to say to you then button it.

You are doing your lèvel best and in return you are being ridiculed.

I dont know if you drink wine but here's a glass, i think you deserve it.

Oh my goodness....this woman needs to be out of your life.....until your husband sorts it out properly, as he should. I don’t think she’s joking. It’s nothing to laugh at, and your husband needs to get to grips with this right now.

Tell your husband you and the children are not seeing her anymore until she stops being like this. She needs a firm lesson, and she needs it now. Don’t wait any longer.

We had 25 years back and forth with a difficult MIL, and she was a saint compared to how yours sounds! We finally estranged 20 years ago, when we were both 40.

Your family life is so precious. You won’t get this time back. If necessary....you can deal with your MIL in 20 years, when the children are grown.

Where is your FIL, can’t he reign her in?

Good luck.

She does sound rather over bearing and also rude and unkind!

I think either ignore or change the subject or give very non committal replies like "I'll think about that" or "Ok" or "Maybe" .... Don't get drawn into pointless conversations trying to explain how you feel etc ...those are ripe for the good old chestnuts like "!Oh I didn't mean it" "You are being oversensitive" etc etc ...in other words openings for her to male you feel even more inadequate (unjustifiably!)

I also think your OH has got to stand with you on this, and be clear and consistent. You see the example you gave of him standing up to her as him being "very kind!" He is NOT doing you a favour, he is doing exactly what he should be doing ie. making it clear what you and he as co parents have decided!! And he needs to be doing that all the time, not telling you "she doesn't mean it!". If you do want to respond .... looking at your examples:

1. He (or you) should be saying "Please stop Mum. We have our own way of doing things and they work!" and walking away

2. Her comment re the board he (or you) should be saying "No we have decided to get a double buggy and will not be changing our mind" and walking away.

3. Her comment re giving him his own way , he or you need to be saying "I can't imagine why you think we do" and walking away!

4. No comment!

5. You reply was good but maybe first you could have said "Did you mean to be that rude?" and walking away

6. You (or your partner) "And your point is? Are you saying I have put on weight after having 2 children - in which case you are correct!" and walk away.

Good luck

Thank you for all of your advice, it made me feel a lot better that perhaps I am seeing things for what the are. MIL has a very cleaver way of putting her little digs across, sometimes harshly but sometimes very back handedly. So when I do bring it up to my partner he says I’m over reacting because he doesn’t see what she’s said in a negative way. Whether she said it in a sarcastic way or a jokey way I don’t see how someone can get pleasure with constantly making rude remarks trying to put another person down! I have previously told her that I don’t like to talk about my weight especially when I’m pregnant she again said “ can’t say anything to you young ones these days” and still the comments continue.

I’d ask your partner to explain how her comments are funny, since he insists she’s joking.

justamom she again said “ can’t say anything to you young ones these days”

That made me smile. Most of us old ones know that already, having possibly learned the hard way
Next time she says it, you could come back with ‘Too right! So don’t!’