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Difficult Neighbour Causing Me Distress
(57 Posts)I had been in a bad situation with a variety of abuses going on. I was very lacking in confidence as a result. I managed to get myself away from the situation by finding another home.
The first encounter with this neighbour was when I went to view the house. I parked up and he came out and told me I could not park there. I was worried about such a strange initial introduction to the neighbours but I really liked the house and the price.
I moved in and the neighbours seemed friendly. There is another neighbour who told me that she did not get on with that household. I thought I would be best to be friendly with all neighbours.
When lockdown came about there were people sitting outside their houses and talking to anyone who passed by. It all seemed OK
A repair was required that affected several of the neighbours. This difficult neighbour had a workman in who it is likely disrupted stuff.
Another thing this man did was to come out his house if any one was approaching the houses. He also spoke to the regular callers like the postman and window cleaners etc. He did say that he would make life difficult for another lady in the neighbourhood. This was a single lady. The first neighbour who told me she did not get on with that household is a single lady as I am myself a single lady.
Recently I have noticed some damage to my car like tyres deflating, scratches and now stickers have disappeared. One of the other females has also had scratches on her car.
This man does not speak in the passing. His wife is rarely seen now and never seen alone. This man has changed in appearance. He still seems decently dressed but his face looks grey and his expression has changed.
I know a lot of people have been affected in various way by the lockdowns and restrictions. He is over 75. I realise he could be depressed or even starting with dementia but he is still driving. With 3 lone females being targeted by him and his wife never being seen without him I wonder if he could be bullying women. Another senior elderly lone female has changed in her treatment of the 3 lone females. I am not happy with the change in atmosphere in the locality. I would be horrified if he is being abusive to his wife and attempting to be abusive with 3 unrelated females.
What would you think of this situation and what would you do in these circumstances?
After many years managing customer and client groups I have a well prectised "edge" to my voice when I want to end a conversation and put the other in their place. And some of the mumsnet phrases are real conversation stoppers, uttered in the right voice.
"That doesnt work for me so Ill leave it with you."
"I wasnt put on the earth to service you!"
More polite than saying F off but meaning the same thing.
There is nothing like walking away or pressing the off button (on the phone) to get rid of a whinger.
I would suggest that in addition to security cameras, I'd put a front and rear dash cam in the car, choose one with night vision and with the widest possible angles of sight. These can be triggered when someone approaches the car from almost any angle and recording will commence. This will be useful if your car is targeted again as it will provide evidence of who the perpetrator is.
Apart from any camera you may have( and check the law in your area, you have to be careful what it's filming). Keep a written diary of all incidents, times, places, names, dates etc, with as much detail as you can. Do not open your door to anyone you don't know. Make your family, friends and visitors aware of the situation and if any of them are due to visit, get them to text/call you to let you know when they are coming. You can also call certain authorities anonymously and explain whats going on. If this is becoming aggressive or frightening definitely inform police so that they have a note of it, but explain to them you don't want the behaviour to escalate. They will advise you what to do. It sounds like you need help/support. Im not so sure it's dementia, some people are just thoroughly nasty pieces of work. Just go about your day as best you can, always have an excuse prepared if you want to get away. Lie if needed, got an appointment, visitor or workmen coming. Be very vague about things.
I dont open the door to anyone without an appointment unless they are delivering. Most of the delivery people now use tracking so you know what day they are coming.
There is a certain satisfaction (especially in this cold weather) seeing someone you dont want to interact with standing out in the wind and wet and knocking on your door. I dont drive so they have no way of knowing whether Im at home or not (no car).
Can you also get a camera for your car - very modestly priced these days Halfrods/Amazon/Aldi etc.
Since putting one in my vehicle, even when it’s switched off and parked - it seems to act as a good deterrent if people think they are being “filmed”. Quite easy to unpack, plug in and go too.
Yesterday a friend showed me a £35 camera in her bedroom windowsill - again just plug in and go.
Can you join forces with the other single ladies, meet for coffee and agree a strategy to help each other? I.e. call one or preferably more to cisit you - when the man appears?
Lastly, this is what I do, encourage any male friends/other husbands/family etc to call round often, different cars, different people and at random times (borrowing things from me) I find it just helps to “be seen” with other people in your personal space and may put the man off.
And yes, the PCSO suggestion is a good one, especially if they have a visibility and can be “seen” in your area.
Do you have Neighbourhood Watch or a Facebook Page for your street maybe?
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