Sleeping around

You know self respect isn’t located in the vagina, right?

I guess if you get wasted every Saturday night and wake up with a different bloke every Sunday morning, that’s not good.
But otherwise, I can’t see the harm.

Nobody's business but those involved.

AmberSpyglass

You know self respect isn’t located in the vagina, right?

What a silly comment.

Zoejory

Nobody's business but those involved.

Well, the OP was about people boasting publicly on Mumsnet.

No, seriously. What is it about casual sex that means you don’t respect yourself? I genuinely cannot see the correlation.

Personally, my self respect comes from the fact that I’m a good friend, I work hard and I’m ambitious and I’m good at prioritising my happiness vs my obligations. And if that happiness came from frequent sex with people I’m not in a relationship with (instead of cross stitch and wild swimming) why would that affect it?

We don’t sacrifice anything if we have safe and consensual sex. We don’t demean ourselves. And it doesn’t mean we can’t then go on to form relationships if that’s what we want.

Maybe you’re younger than many of us ASG. I was brought up at a time and place when promiscuity was considered shameful. My mindset in that regard hasn’t moved on and I make no apologies for it.

I am a little bit younger, I think (though not by much), but it’s just something that’s never really made sense to me. I had a strict convent education where it was really hammered home though, and the self respect thing was definitely reinforced by my Mum.

Then again, I also realised comparatively early on that I preferred women and that would definitely have been looked down on, so maybe it gave me a different perspective?

It’s not necessarily something I would choose to do if I was single now (not that I’d be overwhelmed with offers!) I just don’t really understand how what people choose to do with their bodies means they don’t care about themselves.

Surely it’s better to enjoy pleasure if that’s what you like than cut yourself off from it because you feel it’s dirty or should only be enjoyed in a relationship?

I’m not trying to be obstreperous, and maybe it’s an autistic thing, but it’s something I find fascinating because I can’t make the two things match up in my head.

I was married at 22, and have been 100% faithful.
I had other relationships before, but I wish I’d had more, and been more adventurous.

amberspyglass I don’t think it is an autistic thing as I feel much the same way as yourself. I don’t get the OP’s way of thinking and I genuinely don’t think they’d have been boasting on MN, merely answering a question. But yes, my self respect ain’t located in my vagina either!

I met my ex when I was 14 and he was 15. We married and I was faithful to him for over 30 years despite the fact that he was an unfaithful and abusive monster. After I escaped I entered my Jezebel period. Wow it was amazing. I discovered so much about myself and how other people (men) treated women. I had no self respect issues. I was enjoying every minute of it. Eventually I met my DH and gave up being Jezebel as he was everything I ever wanted.

Sex is a wonderful thing. A gift given to us to enjoy. Some choose to enjoy it a lot with many different people. Some choose to share it with only one person. Some move between the two groups depending on circumstances. Don't judge others for the choices they make.

I also realised comparatively early on that I preferred women

I'm just guessing but maybe there isn't a similar feeling of one partner being at a disadvantage in same sex situations?

The need for women to protect their virginity and their reputation was very real until comparatively recently.

FarNorth

^I also realised comparatively early on that I preferred women^

I'm just guessing but maybe there isn't a similar feeling of one partner being at a disadvantage in same sex situations?

The need for women to protect their virginity and their reputation was very real until comparatively recently.

I'm just guessing but maybe there isn't a similar feeling of one partner being at a disadvantage in same sex situations?

You could be right - maybe it's a 'more equal' partnership in that respect?

Germanshepherdsmum

Maybe you’re younger than many of us ASG. I was brought up at a time and place when promiscuity was considered shameful. My mindset in that regard hasn’t moved on and I make no apologies for it.

You don't need to apologise for the way you feel GSM.

You must admit tho', surely, that there's a certain hypocrisy in families traditionally encouraging young men to play the field, so to speak, whilst their daughters were told to remain virtuous?

I mean - who were these men supposed to be 'experimenting' with? The women they slept with were all someone's daughters.

It's hipocrysy and sexism at its worst.

Yes I agree with that Dickens. Total hypocrisy.

Dickens

Germanshepherdsmum

Maybe you’re younger than many of us ASG. I was brought up at a time and place when promiscuity was considered shameful. My mindset in that regard hasn’t moved on and I make no apologies for it.

You don't need to apologise for the way you feel GSM.

You must admit tho', surely, that there's a certain hypocrisy in families traditionally encouraging young men to play the field, so to speak, whilst their daughters were told to remain virtuous?

I mean - who were these men supposed to be 'experimenting' with? The women they slept with were all someone's daughters.

It's hipocrysy and sexism at its worst.

Indeed, I refer to my earlier post:

Well, given, at least in heterosexual relationships, there is one man and one woman involved either the numbers are roughly similar or, if they're not, there must be some extremely promiscuous women out there. Or someone is lying.

I do wonder do men lose self respect if they have a lot of sexual partners or is it just women?

trisher

I do wonder do men lose self respect if they have a lot of sexual partners or is it just women?

Well said.

However, I do think that sometimes promiscuous men are judged by both sexes as being a bit of an alley-cat, but that judgement is usually given with a wry grin and possibly a raised eyebrow, but little more.

Which is really not comparable with the epithets hurled at women such as "slag", "tart", etc. I've read some of the comments (usually made by men but not exclusively) about Katie Price and the number of men / husbands she's had, and they are often extremely misogynistic and degrading.

Women's emancipation still has a long way to go in this respect... a really long way.

Many women these days don’t settle down until their 30s so they will have different partners, hundreds is exaggeration but I guess dozens is common enough. Unprotected sex in particular makes you vulnerable to many infections that will affect your fertility in the future.

The affect on young men is not good either, finding a steady girlfriend is not easy, because the girls want to party and have fun without ties. The result is that both sexes get used to casual sex which does not help stable relationships in the future.

Recently on Mumsnet there was a thread about sex with work colleagues and it was clear that it’s very common wether they are married or not. Supermarkets, Local Authority, and Offices, they were all “at it”.

I have seen so many times that a switch has to happen in people's lives to want to settle down, have a serious relationship, get married, etc

Many people I know wanted one thing and couldn't find the proper person - not on the same page
Both men and women have issues finding a stable relationship

Plenty of couples go out for years, no engagement.
6 years later, they break up

He or she meets somebody else and are married in 1.5 years.
Timing is everything I guess

Katie59

Many women these days don’t settle down until their 30s so they will have different partners, hundreds is exaggeration but I guess dozens is common enough. Unprotected sex in particular makes you vulnerable to many infections that will affect your fertility in the future.

The affect on young men is not good either, finding a steady girlfriend is not easy, because the girls want to party and have fun without ties. The result is that both sexes get used to casual sex which does not help stable relationships in the future.

Recently on Mumsnet there was a thread about sex with work colleagues and it was clear that it’s very common wether they are married or not. Supermarkets, Local Authority, and Offices, they were all “at it”.

I have seen threads where a poster says the dad has the kids for the weekend and she has invited a 'friend with benefits' to come over on Saturday night for sex.
Sounds sordid to me.

A ‘friends with benefits’ isn’t sordid. It’s not exactly casual sex as usually both people don’t see any one else and it’s basically just a sexual relationship. Ideal if you have young kids and don’t want to be dragging partners in and out of their lives, or don’t have the time to pursue a romantic relationship.

I don’t see casual sex as a problem but suspect the mumsnet thread is an exaggeration, people love to one up each other online. A bit like the threads on there where everyone consumes no more than 100 calories a day and would never even look at a cake.

Why is a friends with benefits sordid? I read a really lovely piece of writing by an older woman years ago, she was mourning her 'friend with benefits' they met regularly for a sex and a meal, she described with fondness their relationship but both wanted to maintain their independence. It seemed to involve more fondness than many marriages I know.

A friend of mine has a friend with benefits. She originally wanted more from the relationship but he didn't. She came to realise that she was happy with the situation, maintaining her independence.

He did have other friends with benefits, to start with, which she didn't like but says now she's not bothered about that and doesn't know if he still sees others.

You can't help but think that many of the attitudes expressed about sex are just the remnants of Victorian views. Losing self respect and sordid are such negative ways of looking at something which should be at least fun for a bit even if it isn't as great as it can be sometimes.
Sordid always makes me think of people cheating and having affairs.