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AIBU to be really upset, almost in mourning for the loss of my car, or just ridiculous

(88 Posts)
M0nica Tue 08-Feb-22 16:50:33

It is not even a case of stopping driving, but someone wrote my car off on Sunday and it is going to be scrapped and I am really upset.

I have owned my 19 year old bright blue Toyota Yaris for 14 years. During that time she has never broken down, never needed a garage repair and only once failed her MOT, and that was something trivial. She was in excellent condition, last week, prior to going away, I took her through the car wash and thoroughly cleaned the interior and she was looking really good.

We went away for the weekend, I drove up and would have driven back, but I slept very badly on Saturday night and was very sleepy on Sunday morning so asked DH to drive. We were about 20 miles from home, on a main road, when we came to cross road with a minor road and a youngish lad, couldn't wait for us to go past, the road was not busy, tried to shoot across in front of us. DH braked hard and tried to steer out of trouble but we collided with the other vehicle and although nobody was injured or even shaken and the car was drive homeable, because of its age, it has been written off without even assessing the damage, just on our description of what has been crumpled or broken.

And I have been quite taken aback how really upset I am.

For 14 years my bright blue car has been there through every family event. I bought her when my DF was in hospital with the illness he died of. She has been my constant reliance through visiting hospital when DH had his bypass surgery and infection, the same when DD was seriously injured in a road accident and during her recovery, it has taken me reliably through 6 years of a regular 150 mile round trip to visit an eldely relative in a care home. She has been a completely worry free car and I have looked after her, kept her in the garage.

My insurer - the AA - have been terrific. As soon as I gave them details of the accident and they looked at google map of where the accident happened, the first thing they said was that we were clearly the innocent party and had not contributed to the accident in anyway, which we knew, but it was nice to hear, but nothing can make up for the fact that my car is a write up and I have quite shocked myself by how upset I am. She was almost a member of the family.

Josieann Tue 08-Feb-22 16:58:22

Firstly I'm glad you say no one was injured. That is most important.
Some people might shrug and say it's only a car, it can be replaced, but for many of us our car becomes our friend especially when like yours it has seen you through the ups and downs of life. I can understand how you feel.

Hithere Tue 08-Feb-22 16:59:08


I learned not to associate memories to things to avoid this.

AGAA4 Tue 08-Feb-22 17:06:28

Cars become part of our lives and you can grieve for them when they go, especially suddenly as yours did.
I think many of us become attached to our cars. Not unusual.

GagaJo Tue 08-Feb-22 17:17:08

Not at all Monica. I had a red Fiesta a few years ago. Just a Fiesta. Nothing flash.

I LOVED that car. It was really nippy. I hammered it up and down the A1 for years. It moved house with me, fitting almost all of my belongings into it (how????). It once fitted a sofa in that my bloke claimed not to be able to fit into his people carrier.

I kept it insured when I first moved abroad and had a friend drive it once a week.

Broke my heart when it failed its MOT and had to be scrapped. The only car I've loved. None of the flash / expensive ones I've had were loved like that.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 08-Feb-22 17:20:19

I’m so sorry MOnica. We get very attached to our cars which take us everywhere and wait to bring us safely back. It’s always a relief to see the familiar workhorse waiting in the car park, a relief to get in and get back home.
You said it was possible to drive the car home. Is there no way the insurance company can be prevailed upon to pay the cost of repairs rather than scrapping your old friend? Or at least to pay you its value and leave ownership with you?

B9exchange Tue 08-Feb-22 17:20:52

Oh Monica, I feel for you. The previous weekend my son wrote off his Toyota Yaris, to which he was devoted, having bought it new 18 years ago. Like you he feels the loss keenly. However his reaction was to rush out and buy a very expensive new one, which will never replace the feeling he had when the Yaris was delivered at one minute past midnight so that he could drive that newly registered car!

vegansrock Tue 08-Feb-22 17:38:24

My SiLs old car was deemed a write off, but she was able to get it repaired and reinsure it. The payout from the insurance co was more than the repair cost, so she was quids in. You have to discuss this with the insurance co, sounds like yours might be ok if it’s drivable.

SueDonim Tue 08-Feb-22 17:42:40

Oh, that’s a sorry story, Monica. It’s odd how some cars have personalities. I had a VW Polo, very basic, that I loved so much! I later had another identical one apart from colour but it simply wasn’t the same.

Likewise, my dd has had a relatively minor (but expensive!) accident in her little car and she is v upset. Her car even has a name and gets taken out for treats and all sorts.

I’m glad you’re not hurt, but it’s still a shock and it’ll take a while to adjust to the situation, I suspect. Take care. flowers

Kim19 Tue 08-Feb-22 17:43:47

Completely understand, Monica, and am really sad for you. However, SO glad no one was physically harmed although it may not feel like that to you at the moment. ?

M0nica Tue 08-Feb-22 17:44:54

GSM, sadly no. The car, in today's hyperinflating car price days is probably worth £1,000, up from £500, and DH thinks the steering rack has been damaged because it was pulling to one side a bit as he drove home. He reckons at least £2-3000 to repair. I will get the current value of the car, assume around £1,000, but that is all.

So I am now considering what I will do after that. Probably buy another one the same, but younger. I have started to peruse the car ads, but with a very heavy heart.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 08-Feb-22 17:58:07

Wouldn't it be cheaper to accept the £1k and have it repaired than buy another car?

FoghornLeghorn Tue 08-Feb-22 18:10:50

Not silly at all. I always feel a bit sad when I trade in my car for a new one. Even though I’m excited at getting a new car I always feel mean walking away from my old one at the dealership. I almost want to say sorry for abandoning it. ?

Yammy Tue 08-Feb-22 18:21:19

I'm sorry MOnica,I love my 17 year old car and DD still says if I want rid they will take it off my hands.It won't be going anywhere.My DH loved one of his cars unfortunately he was in a prang and it was written off or so we thought. A few months later the police confirmed that someone else had liked it so much they had it repaired and it was used in a Bank Robbery.!!!!!!

PamelaJ1 Tue 08-Feb-22 18:23:25

I love my mini so much that I had it resprayed last year. It looks like new, not 12 years old.

3 years ago my mum, now 93 rang me up in pieces. A lorry backed into her and it was written off, it must have been 20 years old. She cheered up when I said she could have a new one, have it fixed or find another one just like hers.
In the end we found one ( unfortunately not pink but otherwise the same) and although she doesn’t love it quite as much she is happy.
I hope you find your new happy.

Deedaa Tue 08-Feb-22 18:25:24

My son's elderly Mondeo was written off 7 years ago when someone drove into the side of it. He replaced the door himself, got it MOT'd and has driven it ever since.

I was the other way round.I drove a PT Cruiser for 11 years. It was in my name but was really DH's. He loved it and I hated it! No steering lock, you didn't do 3 point turns you did 15 point turns. Visibility was appalling for the driver and the alarm went off when it felt like it. I was so pleased when he finally decided we needed something small and economical.

Auntieflo Tue 08-Feb-22 18:25:55

Oh MOnica, I do sympathise about your beloved Yaris. When I was working, I had a Rover that I loved. She was reliable and comfortable, no trouble at all. One day I parked it as usual, then a member of the staff came in and asked whether anyone owned a grey Rover. She had backed the school mini bus into my car, who ended up looking like Rod Hull's emu. So unfortunately she had to go and then I bought my Mitsi.

M0nica Tue 08-Feb-22 18:26:50

GSM, it is tempting, but the whole engine area has been shaken up and I would be worried that more would be found wrong once it seen by a garage and we could end up paying even more, or having other problems later on.

It is a balance between heart and head, my heart wants to keep it, but my head warns me that that could be an expensive mistake.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 08-Feb-22 18:35:28

Do get a quote for the repairs before you decide MOnica.

Millie22 Tue 08-Feb-22 18:38:00

It's completely understandable to feel upset about a car. They are not just a metal box as someone once said to me. We have associations and memories connected with a car. Many years ago I was involved in a small road traffic accident and my car was written off. I was very upset but actually felt a lot better when I got my next car.

GrannyLaine Tue 08-Feb-22 18:44:53

Same thing happened to me, sideswiped by a car coming off the motorway which got into a skid in heavy snow.
Mine was also a Toyota and I loved it dearly flowers

JaneJudge Tue 08-Feb-22 18:47:06

I understand too. I think there is a connection between your car and your journey through life.

What are you going to do? flowers

MayBeMaw Tue 08-Feb-22 18:47:18

I have written off two cars - one myself and one when another car ran straight into me, my eldest daughter wrote off another (2weeks after I got it) and youngest D wrote off another when somebody ran into the back of her.

DH had only one thing each time to say after he knew we were all unhurt which was Bent Metal - and I think it is best to think of it that way.

Sallywally1 Tue 08-Feb-22 20:47:44

I understand too, my car is my symbol of freedom, even though I don’t go far now I’m semi retired. Mines a Toyota too and they are very reliable. I have an Aygoo. Grieve for your little car, it’s understandable. My first car took us on holiday, the children on various outings, cubs, university etc, we had days out and ordinary drives here and there. It took me to work. It almost became part of the family, though it was so small I could either get three children in and a weeks shopping or three children and the dog, but no shopping. Or indeed shopping, the dog but no children!

M0nica Tue 08-Feb-22 23:21:19

I am not usually a person who personalises cars. I have always had old cars that I run into the ground and then scrap and I positively disliked my previous car, it had the acceleration of a cowpat and I do like my cars nippy, but I think it is because I have had this car so long and while I have had it we have had a number of family crises, where I seemed to spend more time alone in the car than with anyone else.

But talking about it on this thread has been so helpful and help me to deal with my very unexpected feelings. I also cannot really talk to DH too much about it because he was the driver and inevitably feels that it is his fault my car got damaged. He knows that isn't true, but keeps wondering whether if he had steered right rather than left of the offending car, he could have avoided it.

He will get over it, as shall I, but just at the moment we both feel tender.