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Funeral party gatecrashers

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Jannabell Mon 14-Feb-22 13:10:22

I am organising an event to celebrate my father's life by scattering his ashes and then a slap up lunch in a nice restaurant afterwards. I am only inviting close family, including his niece and her husband (neither of whom I have ever met). The niece phoned and said that her son and his wife would be coming too (also never met), to which I said that actually I would rather they didn't as they didn't know my father and it was just me and all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren. To which she said that her son had gone with her once when she visited my father a few years ago therefore he should be able to attend. AIBU to not want them there? I told her I would be paying for it out of my own pocket to which she replied ...well make sandwiches instead! Advice please

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arum Wed 16-Feb-22 07:49:32

How about the niece and her son etc. get sandwiches served at their places, whilst the invited guests enjoy the planned menu. If they comment on the arrangement, you can say that is what the niece wanted, twisting her words slightly. What a nerve she has, anyway.

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Serendipity22 Wed 16-Feb-22 07:54:19

Jannabell
Thinking of you x

flowers

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harrigran Wed 16-Feb-22 10:12:16

The nerve of the woman hmm
When DH died I put an announcement in the newspaper but did not put the date and time of the funeral. Attendance was by invitation but on the day my cousin wanted to know where all his workmates were. I did not arrange a wake, we just went home and had a cup of tea.
A month later DS received a letter from my SIL saying they were disgusted at the way they had been treated. Excuse me ? DH's family have yet to pick up the phone and offer their condolences.
Jannabell, tell the niece and entourage to take a hike.

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Naninka Wed 16-Feb-22 16:56:53

Tell her the date has changed, go to your father's funeral on the planned day with close family, then brace yourself....

Ok. I wouldn't actually do this but how VERY, VERY dare she tell you to provide sandwiches. Rude beyond belief. I wouldn't want her or her scrounging son there. Unbe-sodding-lievable!

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Naninka Wed 16-Feb-22 16:58:25

arum

How about the niece and her son etc. get sandwiches served at their places, whilst the invited guests enjoy the planned menu. If they comment on the arrangement, you can say that is what the niece wanted, twisting her words slightly. What a nerve she has, anyway.

Love this! Just splendidly dastardly! It's the obvious solution! x

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coastalgran Sat 19-Feb-22 16:00:50

Funerals, memorials, wedding, baptisms they all bring out the very best in families don't they. This is only a scattering of the ashes not the actual funeral, so do it privately with his closest family and don't show off by telling everyone that it is a fancy meal and therefore attract all and sundry who have never met the man.

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Lesley05 Sun 20-Feb-22 21:42:31

It is simple.... Make the sandwiches for the gate crashers and cater for those invited.

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Ali08 Tue 22-Feb-22 02:29:51

Is she in the will at all? Maybe that's the only reason she would actually attend, to see if she receives anything!
I'd definitely stand your ground, Jannabel, he was YOUR DAD, and I'm sure he would have mentioned her much more if he thought himself to be that close to her!!

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mokryna Mon 14-Mar-22 12:52:25

Did the celebration go as you wished with all the close family? What did you decide regarding your great niece?

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