Over sharing….. personal information.

AmberSpyglass

If it’s not something you want to discuss, just politely say that. There’s no need to be rude - there’s nothing immoral or shameful about our sex lives, but it’s fine if you don’t want to discuss it. Try and do it without embarrassing her or seeming judgemental though.

A fair response.

Depending on how close the friendship is and what two friends have mutually agreed to discuss either tacitly or by design, the rule of 'consent' also applies here.

We all know that sex is 'natural' and normal. But to a large extent it is still very personal... your tastes, likes and dislikes. Everyone is different.

So to some extent, talking about sex is like the physical act itself and if you are not close enough to the person who is sharing their experiences - and by that I mean close enough to know that the other person won't be offended or be made to feel uncomfortable with what you tell them, you really need to get their permission first. And it can be done quite tactfully, ie, 'do you mind if I share something quite personal with you about my sex life that's bothering me?'

Obviously, if you are really close friends and know each other extremely well, that might not even be necessary, but I get the impression that although the OP has known this person for 10 years and they are "good friends" they are not really 'close' friends in that sense - otherwise the other person would know that what she was saying was making the OP uncomfortable.

There are people who are paid - or who volunteer - to counsel on sexual problems. I doubt anything shocks them or makes them uncomfortable, and they are the best people to talk to - not least because they can offer friendly and practical advice in a non-judgmental environment - and make you realise that your problem, whatever it is, is not unusual nor strange. But we are not all made of such stuff, and a cringing friend is going to be of no use whatsoever.

* missadventure* no I don’t agree that sending an “ indecent “ image is the same as discussing something intimate with a friend.

The friend may be insensitive but certainly not abusive.

It amuses me why the term 'prudish' is bandied about when what should be termed is 'well mannered' or ' not bloody disgusting!' I think a prude is one who faints at the suggestion of minor issues like snogging or a bit of a grope!? Intimate details of a.n.others sex antics is the most boring and irrelevant subject of all to me.ive always found that those who bang(!) On about their so called alleged sex activities are usually those least practiced and desperately need to appear to be getting loads, or at least any ?! I'd politely ask her to keep it to herself as you are not in any position to offer useful solutions!

Personal choice as to whether you discuss sex with friends. But being rude about people who make that choice, is, well, rude! There's nothing wrong with you if you want to be open and frank. Equally, there is nothing wrong with you if you want to keep that stuff private.

Each to their own.

MissAdventure

It is about consent.
Not prudishness.
.if someone talks to another who hasn't consented about sex, it is tantamount to abuse.

Hence younger women complaining about being sent unsolicited dick pics.

Are you sure you know what a 'dick pic' is? It's showing an intention to assault with an offensive........dick?! TALKING about stuff is talking , any adult worth the monicker should be able to say" stfu" if they so choose.youre wrong and a tad hysterical! Abuse indeedy what larks.....

Is that pics disease?

Dick pics disease?

I'm not wrong, mummer.
I just perhaps have higher standards than you.
I'm not a sounding board for people to talk at about whatever takes their fancy.
Or, I can be, as I said. £1.50 per minute.

Though I'm pretty sure you would be more than able to put someone in their place if they overstepped the mark.

One office I worked in when very much younger had a group of half a dozen or so of us and we all talked about our sex lives good or bad pretty much non stop and we all knew an awful lot about each other! Must had been at least 45 yrs ago and would not dream of divulging anything so personal to anybody nowadays.

I'm with all who think prudishness is just well mannered. I've had friends who carp on about intimacy and bodily functions and, thb, I blush and/or feel ill. A friend is quick to explain, in detail her bowel movements, mucus from coughs and those of her adult children. It really is too much. Another friend once explained her and her husband 's sex life which was equally as nauseating ; although the comment he never took his socks off caused a smirk. I'm a very private person so this oversharing is uncomfortable for me

I don't think talking about sex with someone you consider to be a friend is, in itself, rude or inappropriate.
Some honest discussions with female friends might actually be quite helpful and healthy! Surely women should be able to help each other with genuine concerns - whether relating to sex, childcare, distribution of household chores, problems with in-laws or whatever?
If a friend has a genuine worry or problem with sex, I think it's probably best to listen and then either offer your thoughts or advice if possible or else say something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're having a problem like that. I don't think I can offer any advice and I actually feel a bit uncomfortable talking about such personal things, but I think there are places where you can get some expert advice. I'll help you find out what's available."
If someone is just trying to shock or get a reaction that's different; but you can probably curtail the chat by ignoring the comments, changing the subject, or simply telling them the particular topic is not something you want to talk about.
Maybe some honest chat among women can help dispel the myths and sexist attitudes about sex displayed in many films and TV shows.

I'd be no use, my husband hit 60 (ďouble figures older than me) 6 years ago and with no input from me decided we would be celibate - I've forgotten how to do anything!!!

Please tell me if this is TMI x

All anybody has to say when a 'friend' starts to give tmi is the truth - you're not comfortable with it but you hope s/he can find someone who might be. GP, therapist etc.
As a therapist I hear lots of intimacies and presume they are conveyed to me as a stranger because people don't want to offload these onto their friends.

There used to be a colleague of mine who would discuss her poor DH’s problems (bodily functions and disfunctions) with the office. I felt really sorry for that man, especially as I had met him socially.

I have a new friend who told me her husband used to kiss her on the back of her neck when he came home. I didn't really want to know that either!

I’ve got all sorts of friends - some over share. I listen & offer advice even if it seems embarrassing.
Think I’d tell her to use Google- but maybe add she’s probably not relaxed enough and overthinking.
If you’re really embarrassed or offended just say so, say you can’t advise & for her to ask someone else.

Suggest she speaks with a professional. . My daughter is a relationship and sex therapist and this is a pretty common problem. She obviously needs to talk to someone about it but not you if you’re not comfortable about it.

One of my neighbours told me, not long after I moved here; "We never answer the door if anyone knocks, or answer the phone, on a Sunday afternoon because "that's our grown up cuddles time."" Eurgh! A simple "We have a nap on a Sunday afternoon" would have sufficed; I didn't need to know what they did when they got there!

I've been single for a decade now so I'd be sticking my fingers in my ears and singing 'la, la, la.' However, I'm still laughing at MissAdventure's pneumatic drill comment...

Chewbacca

One of my neighbours told me, not long after I moved here; "We never answer the door if anyone knocks, or answer the phone, on a Sunday afternoon because "that's our grown up cuddles time."" Eurgh! A simple "We have a nap on a Sunday afternoon" would have sufficed; I didn't need to know what they did when they got there!

"that's our grown up cuddles time."

... it's the wording, rather than what they are doing, that would make me cringe. A bit too contrived...

I’d tell her to be quiet. It’s akin to abuse, like a dirty ‘phone call. Our head girl at school was like this, always talking about the best techniques for giving blow jobs. It was horribly embarrassing and she revelled in it. I met her many years later and she hadn’t changed. In the staff room she would entertain herself by droning on about what she liked her partners to do in the bedroom. Mostly she was told to shut up, no one was interested. I think there was something wrong with her and although she seemed to be happy, I think she was quite a pathetic character.

Wonder why the person who created the discussion has disappeared.

Sago is a regular user.
Hopefully she was out and about, enjoying the weather, rather than discussing blow jobs, vibrators, bowels and Dutch ovens on here.