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AIBU

To still be bereft

(28 Posts)
Amberheart Mon 28-Mar-22 16:11:21

My dh died 1 1/2 years ago. He had Azheimer's and was in long term care. When covid hit (I live in Canada) long term care homes were locked down. I would call him but he didn't understand why I couldn't visit. I eventually had 1 window visit and 2 distanced visits. Then an outbreak occurred in his home. Lockdown again. A couple of weeks later he fell and died 2 weeks later. I was allowed in to see him but he didn't recognize me. At one point he asked me to help him and I couldn't.

We had been together for 39 years. He'd always been there for me through good and bad and yet I couldn't help him. His words haunt me now. I know I need to be strong and carry on but I still grieve for him. I can't even throw away the passcard for his care home.

I know IABU to still be grieving. Sorry for the long post but I just feel so bereft.

Ali08 Tue 29-Mar-22 13:11:45

39 years is a long time to be together, Amberheart (& congrats on that), it's not a weekend romance that quickly fizzled out, so you will still be grieving and you do that as long as you want to, my love!
But it really does ease up with time!! I don't think it ever actually goes away, I think we enclose our loved ones deep within our hearts and minds so that they're never far away. And this will happen with you. So give yourself time, try not to feel guilty as it definitely was not your fault that you couldn't be there! If your darling husband had not had Alzheimer's he would have understood, and maybe he did, somewhere deep inside!
Talk to him while you dust or cook. My mum used to say, "Oh heavens, Arthur, you'd have had this done in half the time, even with just the one eye!" And I used to confide in him when my baby was born.
He is still a big part of you. x

timetogo2016 Wed 30-Mar-22 10:36:47

Too tearfull to comment.