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AIBU - Friends have booked same holiday

(111 Posts)
LizzyG Mon 11-Apr-22 13:36:59

A few weeks ago we booked a cruise for this September. We've been on quite a lot previously but this one is on a brand new Virgin ship with what we imagine to be a lot of quirky differences than we've experienced in the past and we are really looking forward to it.
Our friends wanted to know all about it as they are keen cruisers too and they really loved the sound of the ship and the itinerary. I think they were maybe even angling for us to say "come with us" but we didn't as we prefer to holiday just as a couple.
Last night they rang to let us know that they've booked the same ship, the same itinerary and even used our booking as a means of getting a discount to match what we got it for but they're going a month before us.
My husband is really floored by this as he says that he wanted to experience everything for ourselves, good and bad but now they will be keen to tell us all the pros and cons and nothing will be fresh and exciting for us. He feels like they're stealing our thunder.
I'm not as upset as he is as I will say to the friends that we don't want to know all the details so as not to spoil things but he is quite upset by it and it's really taken the shine off the whole booking for him.
He is a bit down with other things at the moment and this seems to have really knocked him for six.
AIBU to think that these friends shouldn't have done what they did?

vegansrock Mon 11-Apr-22 13:38:42

It could have been worse - they could have been going at the same time as you.

LizzyG Mon 11-Apr-22 13:40:23

Ha ha, that did cross my mind when they rang and started telling us the tale.
I suppose we should be grateful for small mercies.

Riverwalk Mon 11-Apr-22 13:41:22

Yes you're being unreasonable.

I thought you were going to say they'd booked the same dates and were in the next door cabin!

Stealing your thunder? hmm Maybe I'm missing something here.

LauraNorderr Mon 11-Apr-22 13:46:15

Can’t see the problem. You enthused about the ship and all the bells and whistles on offer.
Your friends obviously value your opinion and booked their own cruise. They didn’t book the same dates so they weren’t being disrespectful by encroaching on your holiday.
I don’t see how their enthusiasm when they return can dampen your holiday if you don’t let it do so.
They might even be able to give you a few tips to get even more out of the experience once they’ve been and gone and done it.
Imo it’s just not worth getting worked up about. Go and enjoy your own unique cruise.

Baggs Mon 11-Apr-22 13:46:35

If they start talking about it before you go, ask them to stop. Or, even better, don't see them or answer their calls between their return and your departure.

But YABU the think they shouldn't have done what they did. They did nothing wrong. If your H really minds, maybe keep schtum next time you have an adventure planned and only tell them about it afterwards.

AGAA4 Mon 11-Apr-22 13:51:00

Just wish them "bon voyage" and say you will meet up to chat about the cruise when you return from yours.
In the meantime avoid them if you can or just say firmly that you will talk about it later.

Polly73 Mon 11-Apr-22 13:51:41

You could look on the bright side - there may be things they find out whilst onboard that will benefit your trip. They may say “Best to get to the breakfast bar early - the sausages run out later”, “The Wed music nights are much better than the Thurs ones”. You get my drift……
A friend of mine went to Seville a few years ago about two weeks before we were going. She gave us good tips about local transport, tickets for museums etc

Shelmiss Mon 11-Apr-22 13:52:13

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all - I’d be livid!

GillT57 Mon 11-Apr-22 13:54:00

Actually, I can understand your DH's annoyance, it would take the excitement out of trying something new for me too. We had similar, chatting to a friend about our 'big trip' that we had planned, a trip we had wanted to do for years and were now in the position financially and parent care wise to do. She threw cold water on it all, told me she had done similar years ago, had been really disappointed by some of the places that we were looking forward to. I thought it both unkind and rude.

LizzyG Mon 11-Apr-22 14:17:09

Thanks everyone for your comments, for and against.
I've never done this before so this is my first time hearing what people think of a "problem" of mine and as my mum used to say "If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question".
GillT57, I hope you still went on your big trip and thoroughly enjoyed it too.

eazybee Mon 11-Apr-22 15:44:23

I thought the point would be that they were going the same time as you; really can't see why you are upset that they are going before you, or is it a desperate competition to be 'different'?
In that case, why tell them about it?

MerylStreep Mon 11-Apr-22 15:54:50

Words fail me.
Friends going on same holiday as us and husband is Floored

Calendargirl Mon 11-Apr-22 15:54:51

You say they ‘used your booking to get a discount to match yours?’

If by that you mean they used your names as a recommendation, and you were not aware of that, then no, I think that is not right.

Sounds a bit underhand, as though they didn’t want to tell you about it until the deed was done.

PinkCosmos Mon 11-Apr-22 15:56:18

I understand how you feel.

We had a couple book the exact same holiday as us earlier this year. I have posted about this previously. We had booked last summer for a holiday in February 2022. I purposely didn't tell them as we had been on holiday with them before and I prefer to go as a couple.

They found out we were going on holiday (without them shock) and booked the exact same holiday - without asking if we minded.

I suppose Lizzy you are lucky that you are not going on the same dates.

On the one hand, you could agree not to see the couple until after you return from your cruise, so that it doesn't spoil your new experience. I imagine this would only be a couple of weeks.

On the other hand, as other posters have said, they might be able to give you some useful tips.

I don't think you ABU. It is hard not to discuss plans with friends. I want to book a holiday for later this year but haven't done it yet as I don't want to tell the other couple and I am not a very good liar.

Lucca Mon 11-Apr-22 15:59:56


I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all - I’d be livid!

Why ? What’s the big deal? They’re not going at the same time, they are perfectly entitled to choose whatever holiday they want.

BlueBelle Mon 11-Apr-22 16:25:20

You’re husbands livid because someone’s going before him a bit of an alpha make attitude but I can understand that it probably took the shine of a new activity

My friend used to go regularly on holiday with friends but on one occasion decided they want a lone holiday but had mentioned in conversation that they were going to such and such on (date) nothing at all was said apart from ‘hope you have a great time’ Months passed and it was never mentioned
On the given day they went to a small local airport to await their flight and looking up saw said couple also there !
With great surprise they said ‘oh my goodness what a coincidence where are you off to?’ the same country name was given ‘noooo’ says my friend, what resort? and they named the same resort and then the same hotel. My friend was gobsmacked and after that holiday the friendship was never the same and petered out so they now no longer speak

Callistemon21 Mon 11-Apr-22 17:11:13

Shouldn't you be the ones getting a voucher for recommending the cruise to someone?

Kittye Mon 11-Apr-22 17:16:01

Goodness me! How dare people book a cruise on the same ship as you , and before you. Perhaps they didn’t want to be on the ship at the same time as you.
We cruised with the same couple for years until they decided we were booking too early in the year for them , so they went on their own. This year they’ve gone even earlier in the year than us , with another couple they met on their last cruise.
I think they decided they’d had enough of us ?
It’s their holiday so it’s their choice.

Ladyleftfieldlover Mon 11-Apr-22 17:21:10

Life’s too short to worry about such a thing, surely?

Chewbacca Mon 11-Apr-22 17:23:07

Holidays bookings are open to the world and his dog; anyone can go, at any time. I could understand you being miffed if they'd booked the same weeks as you and asked for adjoining cabins but they're going a month before you! Perhaps it would be best in future if you didn't discuss you holiday plans with anyone; that way you'll have exclusivity. Or maybe not.

Elizabeth27 Mon 11-Apr-22 17:30:45

It was you who told them how good it looked. I think your husband is being very childish, these are supposed to be your friends. I would be pleased if they had booked something I recommended.

They will be able to tell you any negatives and things to avoid.

Sara1954 Mon 11-Apr-22 17:34:58

I too thought you were going to say they were going the same dates as you, and that could have been irritating.
But I really fail to see the problem, just go and enjoy it, I’m sure many people would be only too happy to have this little problem if it meant they were to enjoy a luxury holiday.

25Avalon Mon 11-Apr-22 17:37:14

It is what it is. Your friends sound a little thick skinned but I’m sure they did not mean to upset you although perhaps a little naughty to use your name to get a reduction. That aside you really cannot allow this to spoil your holiday. It will still be fresh and exciting as you have never been before and we all experience things differently. If you look for bad you will find it.

Daisymae Mon 11-Apr-22 17:42:08

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I guess that you really sold it to them. I would not meet up until you return. Have a great trip.