Parents deliberately winding up children

Joseanne

What I don't understand is why, two days later, the unfortunate event is still giving grief to you Vintagejazz. Life really is too short.

You don't need to act like the party-clown to keep them occupied. Actually I'm just off to do this for a few hours with my class of 9 year olds!!

It's not 'giving me grief'. What a strange statement.

It's an example of behaviour I've seen on several occasions and thought I'd like to discuss on here.

I wasn't aware we could only post about major, distressing issues.

I agree with the OP .
I've gone out for a meal and been unable to hear due to the antics on the next table .
It's great to interact with your kids ,but not to disturb other people.
My grandson nearly caused a waitress to fall over with a heavy tray of glasses in a restaurant .
I explained to him that it wouldn't be nice for the lady to fall and cut herself and if he sat down he could have a special story whereupon my son completely lost his temper with me as I was spoiling their day out .

Vintagejazz

We went out for lunch yesterday and had to tolerate a father at a nearby table deliberately making monster like faces at his toddler, causing the child to scream and then screech with laughter. This went on and on, the child getting louder and louder. Just as we were about to have a word with a member of staff, someone from another table called over to the father 'can you cut that out please. We can't hear ourselves think'. The father looked a bit shocked but stopped, thank goodness.

I've seen this happen before - parents deliberately winding their children up to ever louder and more hysterical shouting and laughing in cafés and restaurants. I mean, playing and interacting with your children is great, but encouraging them to scream and shriek in public places is a different matter.

AIBU to think parents like this should have more awareness?

Why were you going to have a word with a member of staff??? Well done on the other table sorting it out themselves instead of making staff get involved, then the manager and it all kicks off (can you tell I’ve been there?).

Everyone behaves differently. I take my dog on holiday with me and I'm thankful some places allow dogs in. She sits on the floor quietly beside me and never gets my food as I keep her treats for her in my pocket. I've watched kids running around the tables squealing when I'm out while their parents sit in their phones just ignoring them and annoying other diners. At least my dog sits quietly until I'm ready to leave.

What a misery you are. There is enough woe in this world ..let children be happy. I love hearing kids laugh having fun. Go somewhere where there are no children next time.

I think you are over reacting OP.

A father was having fun with his toddler, didn't realise the noise was getting too loud for others, somebody politely asked him to stop and he did so.

We often say to children ' use your words' - meaning speak up or ask if you want something.
Same goes for adults.
I think you could have done this sooner if it was a problem for you.

Just politely ask the other person to stop. No need to speak to staff - speak directly to the person.

Is only a problem if he then does not stop- but he immediately did, so problem solved
Probably could have been solved sooner if you asked him yourself.

I would have felt exactly the same as the OP.
Time and place for screaming and loud noise - outside, home, nursery etc. Definitely not in a restaurant - child friendly or adult oriented.
Deliberately winding up a child and encouraging shrieking in an enclosed public space is bad manners, inconsiderate and inappropriate.
Also - nasty comments aimed at the OP are bad manners, inconsiderate and inappropriate.
Surely You can state an opposing opinion without resorting to insults?

Thank you CleoPanda

There is a huge difference between a father interacting with his toddler alone at table in whatever way........ and the father who needs to make everyone near by aware of what a super dad he is in amusing the child

Maybe it was his one day out a week with the child and he was feeling desperate to be liked

I had to read this twice - I was expecting the child to be upset, but she was laughing!! So noisy happy kids are bad?

Not the child’s fault @Netflixnan the dad hyping up the child for over twenty minutes continuously. Rarrr, squeal, laugh. Rarrr, squeal, laugh.
Dear lord - father unaware of his surroundings or being Disney dad is at fault not the child. In the park- fine. In a restaurant most definitely not fine. He should be interacting quietly with sticker books or colouring not repeatedly rarrring to wind up the child.

I'm convinced a lot of parents nowadays have hearing problems and just do not hear screaming high pitched noise. Speaking on mobile phones so loudly that all hears, to me is a sign.

GrannyGravy13

So a Father interacting with his child is wrong, maybe it was a little bit too loud, but I would rather see parent child interaction than all sat with their heads in individual devices.

Nothing wrong with interaction, but it doesn’t have to raise the roof! Doesn’t teach the child any manners or consideration either.

HannahLoisLuke

GrannyGravy13

So a Father interacting with his child is wrong, maybe it was a little bit too loud, but I would rather see parent child interaction than all sat with their heads in individual devices.

Nothing wrong with interaction, but it doesn’t have to raise the roof! Doesn’t teach the child any manners or consideration either.

I said maybe it was a little bit too loud

In my opinion the main thing in the OP is that as soon as the parent was made aware of their loudness they immediately quietened down.

If they had continued being loud then there would have been something to complain about.

I think some of these besotted parents think that we find their children as engaging as they do. I certainly don't, having had four children of my own I can just about tolerate others peoples' offspring - and that only when they're reasonably quiet.

I’m all for parents interacting with their children and less screen time but I see parents constantly thinking everyone is as enamoured with their children as they are. I teach children and am still doing do at 70 and when I go out for a meal I don’t need children ‘taking over’ .

A&E about a month ago. L-o-n-g waiting times, kids getting bored and restless - running around, sliding on the floor and getting in the way of the staff.

One of the fathers - a young East European by the sound of his accent, gets up, corrals all the kids including his own two sons, and encourages them to run at him - he then lifts them up over his shoulders (he was a strong looking chap) and slides them down his back. The youngsters started to get a bit loud, so he corralled them again and told them they had to be quiet because there were sick people in the waiting room. They looked around nervously and then continued in what almost became a gymnastic exercise - and they responded to his demand to keep the noise down,because he explained to them (two of the kids started to "shush" the others when they thought they were making too much din)... just the odd giggle / laughter and now and again a slightly loud squeal, but all in all they were letting off steam and not irritating other people (there was a separate area in the waiting room specifically designed for children).

Top marks to the father, he was properly engaging and interacting with the kids, allowing them to burn off their natural energy. Without disturbing others.

He looked exhausted when he finally left with his family - to a round of applause from some of the patients.

When I was about 12 and responsible for getting small children to bed an to sleep ( I was 12 in 1963) uncles and fathers were well-known for playing wild games with children just before bedtime.

Any and all women, mothers, big sisters, grandmothers aunts, nursemaids - you name us, knew better and were rutinely accused of being spoil-sports when we said it is quite impossible to get a toddler to sleep who has been allowed to ruin rampant just before bed-time.

For a while in the '70s and '80s when a lot of fathers were suddenly responsible for putting little ones to bed this kind of thing stopped to a large extent. Now it seems to have started again.

In public I feel we are all entitled to point out that playing noisy games is inconsiderate.

This is how to deal with it - a scene from Ricky Gervais’ ‘Afterlife: (persons who are easily offended should skip this clip).
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKtUYlBcj_4

Oh joy, the entitled parent who ignores everyone else in order to have what they consider to be a good time instead of playing quietly with their child, for them it has to be look at us isn't my child wonderful. By all means be proud of your child, but for goodness sake do it quietly. The person who intervened was lucky that they met with a responsive parent and didn't get an abusive answer.

Love it magic!

AussieNanna

I think you are over reacting OP.

A father was having fun with his toddler, didn't realise the noise was getting too loud for others, somebody politely asked him to stop and he did so.

We often say to children ' use your words' - meaning speak up or ask if you want something.
Same goes for adults.
I think you could have done this sooner if it was a problem for you.

Just politely ask the other person to stop. No need to speak to staff - speak directly to the person.

Is only a problem if he then does not stop- but he immediately did, so problem solved
Probably could have been solved sooner if you asked him yourself.

Seems reasonable

I totally empathise with you OP. Ignore all the snide remarks. They’re obviously coming from the same people that think their off spring are as incredibly fascinating to everyone else as they are to them. Self absorbed and inconsiderate of everyone else within earshot. Heaven forbid a child isn’t allowed to run riot and emit ear piercing screams to the amusement (not) of all and sundry.

Judging by some of the responses on here anyone would think you were advocating infantacide.

Some parents think that what is adorable behavior at home should be equally adorable to strangers trying to enjoy a quiet meal. Learning how to behave in public should begin early.

coastalgran

Oh joy, the entitled parent who ignores everyone else in order to have what they consider to be a good time instead of playing quietly with their child, for them it has to be look at us isn't my child wonderful. By all means be proud of your child, but for goodness sake do it quietly. The person who intervened was lucky that they met with a responsive parent and didn't get an abusive answer.

Yes this is why we were going to mention it to staff. We couldn't be sure, if we spoke directly to him, that we wouldn't either be told to F off, or subjected to indignant or dirty looks for the rest of our meal.