Parents deliberately winding up children

Sometimes when it’s so exaggerated and insensitive like that I think the father is just showing off for the benefit of onlookers and that in private he probably doesn’t bother half as much. I feel mean thinking this but it’s just my gut reaction when it’s on the verge of hysteria.

Actually Dylant we knew someone just like that who only interacted with his children when he had an audience.

I thought the meaning of winding up is dissolving a business or do or say something to annoy somebody on purpose

This father was playing with his child, not annoying the child

I guarantee everyone onthis thread has annoyed someone at some point.

Btw, when did the share options appear, i was an accidental tap away from posting this to facebook

I like children. I have three of my own and have taught music to children (and adults) for the best part of forty years. However, when I am out for a meal or on holiday, I have spent well earned money and am with family or friends. I don’t appreciate other people, especially other people’s children, being so loud that it encroaches on my enjoyment. I have a hearing problem so this is exacerbated by this. At the moment, I have a permanent ear infection and ruptured eardrum so screeching and loud, high-pitched noises really hurt my ear. No one wants to go back to the days of seen but not heard but children and far too many adults, it seems, need to learn that there is a time and a place to let off steam. This is something I instilled in my own children from an early age, including my oldest son, who is autistic and disabled enough to need a special school. When in restaurants, in common with many others, we would take colouring books and crayons. All children need to learn the difference between indoor voices and outdoor voices and parents need to learn that while their children are rightly the centre of their worlds, they are not the centre of everybody else’s world. The same with some dog owners. The back garden and playgrounds are a different matter altogether and there is nothing nicer than to see children running around and enjoying themselves. I enjoy walking the dog past our local primary school when they are having their dinner break and I love watching the children enjoying themselves.
I do think there is a big difference between interacting with a child and being over the top with them, goading them into shrieking and overweight the top laughter. The tears before bedtime saying is very true.

Hithere, the term winding up can also mean provoking children to over the top, over loud behaviour in the UK. Also, while the father was playing with his child, he was winding them up in this sense as well as winding up other diners in the restaurant to annoyance by his behaviour.

*over the top laughter, not overweight. Dylant’s use of the word hysteria was very apt in this instance.

When my sons were little, 3 and 4 years old, we started going out for Sunday dinner, once a month at quite a posh hotel. The boys knew that this was a treat and always happily coloured in or did puzzles while they waited for their meals to arrive. They always went up to thank the serving staff as we were leaving and were a pleasure to take anywhere. They knew that if they misbehaved they wouldn't get a treat next time. One evening were having our meal when another group of visitors came in and their children ran along the couches constantly, the adults just ignored them. After a few minutes my older boy, who was probably about 6, said very loudly "mummy, why are those children being so naughty? You're not meant to run on the seats". We were mortified but on the way out the staff thanked him and told us some parents just let their children wander around the room, doing whatever they wanted to do. Staff were always worried they would spill something hot on a small child but some parents seemed to delight in winding their children up and ruining other folks evenings.

Good points raised in your post @ 19.24 Musicgirl I agree with you.

When I taught a reception class many years ago the headmaster used to come in to my classroom and wind up my previously settled children . He probably thought this was great fun but not for me when I had the job of settling them again. I find men like to wind children up whereas women have more sense! I love to hear children enjoying a bit of fun but there is a time and place for everything.

Yes it's about time and place. Loud shouty fun with your children is fine in your own home and the playground, but not in a restaurant where it impacts on others.
Or indeed at bedtime.

Chewbacca

Good points raised in your post @ 19.24 Musicgirl I agree with you.

Me too. ?

Walking through town after the shops had long shut, a few months ago, a father was encouraging his daughter (12ish?) to scream as loud as she could. Fortunately I was walking in the opposite direction, but I could hear this going on for 5 minutes, I could still hear her when she was perhaps 500m away?

Smileless2012

Actually Dylant we knew someone just like that who only interacted with his children when he had an audience.

sounds like becky sharp crawley, with her son little rawdon, who gives the game away when visiting by saying, mama why do you not kiss me at home ?

the reference, though fictional, rings true.
from Vanity Fair by william makepeace thackeray.

Vintagejazz

coastalgran

Oh joy, the entitled parent who ignores everyone else in order to have what they consider to be a good time instead of playing quietly with their child, for them it has to be look at us isn't my child wonderful. By all means be proud of your child, but for goodness sake do it quietly. The person who intervened was lucky that they met with a responsive parent and didn't get an abusive answer.

Yes this is why we were going to mention it to staff. We couldn't be sure, if we spoke directly to him, that we wouldn't either be told to F off, or subjected to indignant or dirty looks for the rest of our meal.

Why would you assume that?

Nothing he had done was aggressive.

Generally the best way to let people know there is a problem is to politely tell them - like the other diners did.

AussieNanna

Vintagejazz

coastalgran

Oh joy, the entitled parent who ignores everyone else in order to have what they consider to be a good time instead of playing quietly with their child, for them it has to be look at us isn't my child wonderful. By all means be proud of your child, but for goodness sake do it quietly. The person who intervened was lucky that they met with a responsive parent and didn't get an abusive answer.

Yes this is why we were going to mention it to staff. We couldn't be sure, if we spoke directly to him, that we wouldn't either be told to F off, or subjected to indignant or dirty looks for the rest of our meal.

Why would you assume that?

Nothing he had done was aggressive.

Generally the best way to let people know there is a problem is to politely tell them - like the other diners did.

Generally the best way to let people know there is a problem is to politely tell them - like the other diners did.

The very last time I saw an individual let 'someone know there was a problem' by politely telling them, was when I watched my (late) ex-partner get punched in the mouth for daring to ask that a couple of male adults stop kicking a ball close to an outside dining area in our local park (one had a young child with him).

I still remember my own son crying in terror as he watched the two of them pile on to his father repeatedly and the blood pouring from a cut lip.

They weren't aggressive either, to start with.

I think it's a pretty fair assumption - you just don't know how someone - especially a man who seems impervious to social 'niceties' in the first place - is going to react.

The plain and simple fact is that men can react aggressively if challenged. Most probably don't do that - but how the hell are you supposed to know whether they will or not?

... and people do get told to "F-off", frequently. Some men - and not a few women - get angry when they're challenged.

I didn't 'assume' anything Aussienana.

Sorry, meant to add that the last time I politely knocked on an apartment door to ask if the noise could be kept down I got a mouthful of abuse from the 'respectable' professional woman who lived there.
You never know with people.

Why would you assume that?

Nothing he had done was aggressive.

Aussienanna. It’s an unfortunate sign of the times. He hadn’t been aggressive but he hadn’t been challenged had he? How was the OP to know he wouldn’t react badly?

It is NOT unreasonable to find a situation such as the OP states just that, unreasonable!

people forget to bring any manners they may have been taught ...out with them!
you should adapt your voice to the space you occupy and not fill the place with yourselves!

tickingbird

^Why would you assume that?^

Nothing he had done was aggressive.

Aussienanna. It’s an unfortunate sign of the times. He hadn’t been aggressive but he hadn’t been challenged had he? How was the OP to know he wouldn’t react badly?

He hadnt been politely asked yet either - when he was, he immediatly stopped.

I find that is usually the case, people respond reasonably to reasonable requests, and people suddenly becoming aggressive is not the norm.

and he was in an inside public place - liklihood of him starting a punch up were extremely minimal

yes you should adapt your voice - but it is very easy to get louder than you realise - and then to adjsut down when politely asked.

If there was a concern he would act aggressively, then I think it’s very unreasonable to ask the staff to confront him. If I were concerned someone would “abuse” me if I asked them to a stop doing something, I would not send a hapless employee be abused instead.

Aussienanna. As related upthread “polite requests” aren’t always met with a similar response. I can only speak about the UK but people are becoming more aggressive - women too.

Mentioning it to a member of staff is appropriate as they have back up and usually have procedures in place for any incidents. Thankfully the chap was fine, didn’t realise how loud he was being and stopped. Not all men would and sometimes small incidents such as this end up with people being badly injured or worse. I don’t blame the OP for being loathe to speak to him herself.

Grandpanow

If there was a concern he would act aggressively, then I think it’s very unreasonable to ask the staff to confront him. If I were concerned someone would “abuse” me if I asked them to a stop doing something, I would not send a hapless employee be abused instead.

We were mentioning the problem to the staff member on the assumption he would either follow some official procedure for these situations or fetch the manager.
In the sane way people will draw a problem in the theatre or cinema to staffs' attention, or ring reception in a hotel if there's unreasonable levels of noise coming from a wedding. Perfectly normal approach I would have thought.

welbeck an apt reference .

We often received complements on our boys behaviour when they were young, and I always say to parents how well behaved their children have been.

I agree tickingbird that had this been mentioned to a member of staff that would have been appropriate, and had the staff member felt uncomfortable, they could have asked the manager to intervene.