Parents deliberately winding up children

Dickens

It might be a 'man' thing.

A male relative of mine used to do this - get the children over-excited, teasing them and encouraging mayhem, and then expecting the womenfolk to quieten them down because he then wanted to watch something on the television.

Anyone can act the clown for their kids, that's easy - they are naturally amused at such antics. Real engagement with them takes a lot more effort.

Yes, I've only ever seen men do this. The worst was at Christmas Mass one year where a man was jumping in and out of the life sized crib at the side part of the church to amuse his toddler daughter. Part of the 'game' was that he would jump out of the crib and she would shout at him to get back in. Eventually an elderly woman lost her patience and snapped at him to 'stop that at once'. He looked startled, picked up his toddler and left the church.

What an idiot.

I have learned a lot about England in the last week.

Humans big and small make mistakes and sometimes do things that are not thoughtful. That does not mean they are always that way.

He made a bad decision. It was corrected. You were not unreasonable to feel upset at the time.

When GS1 first started school his father would come home from work and start playing rough games with him until he was completely hyper and wound up. The noise level would go up until it got too loud for father and it would end in telling off and tears. It took months to make him see what he was doing and start toning it down.

I mean lets stack it up

Man enjoys playing with child loudly, gets asked to be quiet, does so

People on the interet call him names including "prat" and "idiot"

What is worse?

Vintagejazz

Dickens

It might be a 'man' thing.

A male relative of mine used to do this - get the children over-excited, teasing them and encouraging mayhem, and then expecting the womenfolk to quieten them down because he then wanted to watch something on the television.

Anyone can act the clown for their kids, that's easy - they are naturally amused at such antics. Real engagement with them takes a lot more effort.

Yes, I've only ever seen men do this. The worst was at Christmas Mass one year where a man was jumping in and out of the life sized crib at the side part of the church to amuse his toddler daughter. Part of the 'game' was that he would jump out of the crib and she would shout at him to get back in. Eventually an elderly woman lost her patience and snapped at him to 'stop that at once'. He looked startled, picked up his toddler and left the church.

What an idiot.

... unbelievable! Well, maybe not...

A man I was once quite close to told me that women were more intuitive than men (this was not in relation to parenting) which he thought made them more complex characters - a trait which has often been described as us being more 'emotional' but which he believed signified a greater intelligence! He also said that men just had an 'off' and 'on' switch which rendered them little more than animals obeying an instinct. He was always more comfortable in the company of women. He died some years ago, but I've never forgotten that late night conversation... we were 'chewing the fat' until the early hours - and we'd known each other for years!

I doubt many women would have behaved like that father at Mass.

Well ... never mind doing it when they are out - it drives me mad when they do it at all. It sometimes becomes almost abusive - an expression of power - and when the child goes OTT they find themselves in trouble. I have seen it happen. Horrible.

So a father committed the cardinal sin of having some fun with his kid - perhaps not realizing it was too loud and corrected his behaviour when he was called out in it

Please tell me why this deserves a thread vilifying the father

Chestnut

Children should be taught there is a time and a place for being noisy or energetic, and public places is not one of them. When surrounded by other people they should be kept calm and encouraged to sit quietly. Restaurants, public transport, waiting rooms etc. When they are in their garden or the park or at home they can make as much noise as they like.
Sadly this doesn't happen.

Happily, it’s no longer the era of seen and not heard.

Hithere

So a father committed the cardinal sin of having some fun with his kid - perhaps not realizing it was too loud and corrected his behaviour when he was called out in it

Please tell me why this deserves a thread vilifying the father

So people can moan and complain I’ve gathered.

Grandpanow

You crack me up!

Yes my mo t h e r and I were walking down a pier once and a father kept running towards the edge and pretending he was going to throw his child in t o the sea. The child was screaming in terror and the father thought it was all great fun. People started to protest and he shuffled off. He was more than just an idiot, he was dangerously stupid.

Vintagejazz

Yes my mo t h e r and I were walking down a pier once and a father kept running towards the edge and pretending he was going to throw his child in t o the sea. The child was screaming in terror and the father thought it was all great fun. People started to protest and he shuffled off. He was more than just an idiot, he was dangerously stupid.

Probably that poor child had a phobia about water ever since!

You sometimes wonder if similar childhood pranks have a longer lasting effect on children than we think.

On a different note. When I was about 4, we collected a new puppy, and on the way home briefly called in at a relative’s home. Whilst sitting in car with this new puppy, our uncle came out, admired the puppy, then kept saying he was going to keep it! This really upset me, he was of course joking, but didn’t seem to realise that a child took what he said very literally. Can still remember how upset this made me.

Hithere

So a father committed the cardinal sin of having some fun with his kid - perhaps not realizing it was too loud and corrected his behaviour when he was called out in it

Please tell me why this deserves a thread vilifying the father

I think it's inevitable that a topic like this will attract diverse opinion.

Disruptive behaviour of children in restaurants etc is not a new thing, many of us have experienced it. Tolerance levels vary.

The unfortunate part is that it's never the child's fault so naturally we're going to be critical of the parents.

Some called him an idiot, and then we expanded on the theme - in general. We're not vilifying the father, just exploring the issue.

It's possible that some parents - fathers in particular - are so busy 'providing' for the family that they don't get time to really engage with their children and fall back on the entertain-them-at-all-cost method of parenting. But children are like plants, they grow in all directions and they, ahem, need a little pruning.

I personally love to see kids running riot and expressing their natural exuberance. I live in close proximity to a kindergarten and enjoy the shrieks of delight coming from it during playtime. I simply don't believe it's appropriate in a restaurant or pub environment, and I also think that children are so receptive that you only have to give them your genuine attention and they will respond to it. You don't need to act like the party-clown to keep them occupied.

All toddlers are different and this thread is about toddler - father interaction.

I really thought that the children should be seen and not heard mantra had disappeared along with child labour but not on GN it appears.

Some parents are just impervious! Many years ago I was on a long bus journey with DD, who had just leaned a new song. All the way she kept singing 'The witches of Halloween, wooo hooo'. That was it, over and over. How super cute I thought. Some girl then piped up ' I wish that f***ING kid would shut up!' ?

Well as we agreed before, grannygravy, there's a happy medium. The example of the child saying hello to everyone didn't meet with any criticism.

But anyone constantly screaming in a restaurant, whether adult or child, is going to be a disturbance.

Daisymae

Some parents are just impervious! Many years ago I was on a long bus journey with DD, who had just leaned a new song. All the way she kept singing 'The witches of Halloween, wooo hooo'. That was it, over and over. How super cute I thought. Some girl then piped up ' I wish that f***ING kid would shut up!' ?

I have an aversion to Baby Shark but when I hear a young child singing it repeatedly, I smile and think to myself at least I can walk away.

Far too many important things to worry about in the world today.

What I don't understand is why, two days later, the unfortunate event is still giving grief to you Vintagejazz. Life really is too short.

You don't need to act like the party-clown to keep them occupied. Actually I'm just off to do this for a few hours with my class of 9 year olds!!

In a classroom setting Joseanne where you wont be disturbing anyone else, and presumably they wont be screaming, screeching with laughter and getting louder and louder.

I think we have all, at some time, suffered from misbehaving children. I don't think anyone objects to a child laughing but being encouraged to shriek and scream is not the same.

I recall some years ago being in a restaurant with a friend who was an ex-teacher, there was a child running around stopping at tables and grabbing at things, when he got to our table my friend leaned down to him and in a very quiet voice just said "Go Away". He looked shocked ran back to his parents table, who had been ignoring his antics, and sat there staring at us until we left!

Joseanne

What I don't understand is why, two days later, the unfortunate event is still giving grief to you Vintagejazz. Life really is too short.

You don't need to act like the party-clown to keep them occupied. Actually I'm just off to do this for a few hours with my class of 9 year olds!!

You don't need to act like the party-clown to keep them occupied. Actually I'm just off to do this for a few hours with my class of 9 year olds!!

... but presumably not in a restaurant (unless booked for the event)?

Completely different kettle of fish. Good luck!

I recall some years ago being in a restaurant with a friend who was an ex-teacher, there was a child running around stopping at tables and grabbing at things, when he got to our table my friend leaned down to him and in a very quiet voice just said "Go Away". He looked shocked ran back to his parents table, who had been ignoring his antics, and sat there staring at us until we left!

Poor child - shocked by a command that wouldn't have been necessary if the parents had stopped him from running around. Isn't it a tad dangerous for such children with hot food and drinks being ferried around?

Many, many years ago I was in a restaurant - it was at the time when strippergrams were all the rage. The table next to ours had booked it for their hen night and halfway through the meal the inevitable 'policeman' arrived and started to strip - all the while bumping into our table, knocking my partner's drink so it spilled all over his plate. When he got down to his underpants, he bent over and pushed our table quite a few inches. The hens shrieked with delight.

I didn't mind the noise (well, I did, but was prepared to tolerate it) but the stripper's bum nudging our table and spilling things was too much so I asked him politely if he'd move round to the other side. Only to be told that I was a spoilsport, party-pooper, and "boring" by a couple of the hens... oh, and a "prude" (naturally).

In the end, a waiter came and asked the 'policeman' (civilly) to move around to the other side of the hens' table, which then put him in the way of the other waiters rushing around! We hadn't complained to him either.

Some people simply lack self-awareness and struggle with social-skills, and there's not much you can do about it.

The restaurant was Blubeckers in Shepperton. Never went back. I don't mind people having their noisy fun, but not within inches of my ear drums, nor do I relish the fact of near-naked bottoms in close proximity to my dinner plate.

The policeman left in a hurry afterwards - and in his haste, forgot to pick up his transistor beat-box. Might have made his next booking a bit, erm, lacklustre .

Don’t see the problem with feeding a dog tidbits off my plate TBH, not like I’m lifting him up to help himself

I cringe when I see that certain eating places allow dogs.
What I don't understand is that if shops are not allowed to have dogs inside if they have a food prep area or are serving food as in a deli area, why can cafes?
As for the dad at the restaurant, while I see no problem in families enjoying themselves, having a child screaming at the nearby table because of a parent's behaviour would have me either cutting my meal short or just leaving!

My husband and I don't enjoy meals where there are alot of children so we choose restaurants where there are very few when in own or with friends. When out with grandchildren we choose restaurants that are child friendly. I would have embraced observing a child happily being spent time with by a parent as sadly with work patterns and some times domestic arrangements this is lacking in our societies. Maybe look at where you choose to eat.