Parents deliberately winding up children

And you have no idea whether he was NT or not. He may not have even realised he was being so loud. ADHD makes a friend of ours terribly loud and quite frankly, I do find it embarrassing but he has no idea. He will also pipe down if somebody says something but he will gradually increase in volume again. However, if you keep telling him, he starts to feel unwanted and starts to avoid people. We've learned to be tolerant.

One of our AC has a hearing problem, or should I say non-hearing problem, we do say inside voice but they feel picked on when this is said repeatedly.

Probably best not to make assumptions about folks that you do not know.

Vintagejazz

The concern was about getting a rude or dismissive or defensive response. My friend used to run a restaurant and they preferred problems to be raised with staff rather than customers getting into altercations, which happened several times.

Exactly.

A restaurant owner once pointed out to me that sometimes, it's the complainant who's in the wrong and this has to be diplomatically conveyed to them.

I'm sure no owner / management want shouting matches in their restaurants- other diners would quite possibly be put off going back. It is their 'house' and so they usually have some protocols in place for dealing with this kind of thing to prevent these situations from getting out of hand.

Personally, I would not have wanted to 'challenge' a man who was obviously lacking in 'social awareness' - which is emotional intelligence. A minor thing, in this instance, but I bet nasty little scenes have developed over less.

One of mine did too GrannyGravy and even after it was fixed he struggled to adjust his volume and he has never been able to filter out background noise having not grown up with it, so talks over it.

I remember a teacher really hammering me once, all about how he never listened to her, was too loud, didn't stop talking when she asked for quiet. It took a while for her to run out of steam. I just said, no you are the one who doesn't listen, I told you he is deaf. Then I walked out.

I am just extremely uncomfortable with making assumptions. We have no idea of other peoples family dynamics, we have no idea of what they are or have gone through that day.

We have a GC who is neurodiverse and it’s looking like another one may also be on the spectrum . Should we not take them to restaurants?

For those that say no, I will post where we are going, as they are part of our family and will be included, whether that’s at a Harvester (highly unlikely), Italian, Indian, Chinese or a Michelin starred establishment.

(All of the above have been understanding and accommodating)

But that applies equally to other customers. I have a nephew on the spectrum. A toddler constantly being encouraged to scream louder and louder by his father would cause him huge distress and his family would have to pay for their uneaten meal and leave.

I'm sure no one would suggest you not taking your GC to restaurants GG. The OP is about a father deliberately winding up his toddler to the extent that the child's screams and laughter disrupt other diners.

When it was pointed out to him, he stopped and the child calmed down so clearly the issue was the father's behaviour, and not any underlying condition with his child.

GrannyGravy13, this thread not withstanding, I do think the world is getting more tolerant. The vitriol on this thread is becoming the minority view in the wider population it seems. Your GC are lucky to have you in their corner!

I clearly need to get out more (I do post pandemic) but I would be more bothered by an adult shouting "cut that out" at another diner than a noisy toddler. Why not just go & ask them to be a bit quieter if they are disturbing you?

Grandpanow

GrannyGravy13, this thread not withstanding, I do think the world is getting more tolerant. The vitriol on this thread is becoming the minority view in the wider population it seems. Your GC are lucky to have you in their corner!

Can you point out the vitriol on this thread?

Goodbyetoallthat

I clearly need to get out more (I do post pandemic) but I would be more bothered by an adult shouting "cut that out" at another diner than a noisy toddler. Why not just go & ask them to be a bit quieter if they are disturbing you?

He called over (did not shout) 'can you cut that out please? We can't here ourselves think' after 20 minutes of tolerating the screaming.

I don't think there is vitriol. There is a difference of opinion between those who believe that customers have a right to a peaceful meal and those who believe that we should live and let live.

Nobody has said that children should be seen and not heard, and I don't think anyone has said that they shouldn't be taken to restaurants - just that they should be expected to behave when they are there. Most people would accept children forgetting to be quiet from time to time, but there is a difference between that and shrieking loudly.

Doodledog nailed it. As always, perfectly put!

If the people claiming there is no vitriol here typically go around calling people “ignorant prats” and accusing fathers of being “almost abusive” for playing with their children, then I’m beginning to see why so many of the same posters seem to have also had many hostile interactions with the world.

A polite way to bring it up to the father's attention would have been - "could you please lower the volume? It is a little bit loud. I appreciate it"

That person was rude.

I love hearing a child laugh, no matter where I am.

Grandpanow

If the people claiming there is no vitriol here typically go around calling people “ignorant prats” and accusing fathers of being “almost abusive” for playing with their children, then I’m beginning to see why so many of the same posters seem to have also had many hostile interactions with the world.

Where have you got any evidence that posters have had many hostile interactions with the world? You seem to be writing your own narrative here.

I also have an autistic daughter

Its down to me to help her cope, with headphones etc in public places that can get loud.

Grandpanow

GrannyGravy13, this thread not withstanding, I do think the world is getting more tolerant. The vitriol on this thread is becoming the minority view in the wider population it seems. Your GC are lucky to have you in their corner!

It is also getting louder. 2 years of yelling though masks will leave a lasting impact.

There will always be complainers no matter what. I much prefer the more tolerant part of society. Especially when it comes to parent shaming.

Missiseff

I love hearing a child laugh, no matter where I am.

So do I. The laughing was not what people were objecting to.

An assumption on my part. I was perplexed by posters who feared asking someone to quiet down. But I guess I’d be scared too if I approached people saying “ hey you ignorant prat, cut that out”

Except that wasn't what was said. Again, writing your own narrative.

Do you feel that referring to the father as an ignorant prat is tolerant?

I refer to that as an example of vitriol. In all seriousness, you asked and I responded with examples from this thread. I have a feeling you will now deflect again.

Additionally, the words you attribute to the caller are rude. And a sad example for the toddler they were indirectly aimed at.

a simple situation that most people could understand has run to 8 pages and counting, people conjuring up situations nothing like the original post.... irritability of some commenters is astounding! nasty people!

I didn't suggest the child was near-diverse. If the father didn't realise that this was problematic for other diners, he may well have been ADHD where impulse control, volume, unusual behaviour can all be part and parcel of the condition.