School reports

Auntieflo

I am like M0nica, in that we have never seen any of our grandchildrens school reports. It never even occurred to me that we might.
My parents never saw our childrens reports either.
Is it usual?

It’s usual in our family. Has been up to now, anyway!

Wow, just wow! You don’t feel like you are being treated as part of the family because you are not being shown your GS report? My heart weeps when I read how some posters are treated by their children, you really need to put this in perspective because as your GC become older there will be a lot of things that will not be shared with you.

I can understand why you are hurt Grandma70s. As I said, we were always shown them. However, other things that have 'always happened' with our daughter and her family, have suddenly stopped with no explanation. It's rather thoughtless but we have to accept it.

I am with Monica and Auntieflo . I never showed our children’s reports to their grandparents (it would never have occurred to me.) I do see those of my older grandchildren because they live with us but not of the younger four. I have always thought that they were for the parents only. It is not fair to show them especially if they are not particularly encouraging.

School reports are always very formulaic and meaningless. Our Ds and DDiL will tell us bits and pieces from Parents Evenings and several problems that may be genetic in origin have also been discussed between us.

I find the intrusive part some grandparents play in family life these days quite weird. When I got married, my parents immediately respected our autonomy and the exclusiveness and allowed us to stand on our own feet.

I extended the same courtesy to my DS and DDiL. and what they invite us to be part of, or tell us we treat with confidence, we would only ever look at something, we were explicitly invited to.

You may not have been getting at me, but believe me. M0nica, I do not play an intrusive part in family life. As I’ve said, I live many miles from my sons/ grandchildren. I don’t see them all that often. I’m always amazed by the people who complain because they only see their grandchildren once a month. If only…..

We are all interested and involved in education, though, so that tends to be discussed.

I'm sure your son has a good reason for not showing you the report.
Whatever it is, it won't be that you are 'not part of the family'.
Enjoy your visit with your son and don't look for difficulties where there aren't any.

I think it's the 'it's always happened and now it doesn't' bit that hurts. Often with no explanation. Our daughter has, quite rightly, never considered her child's education any of our business. She's their child, not ours. However, when DGD was at school/uni we were always shown reports/grades etc. We never asked. However if it had stopped abruptly it would have been hurtful.

Good lord, is this something people do - show reports to GP’s? I never showed my dc’s reports to their GP’s and I’ve never seen any of my GC’s reports, apart maybe from a nursery school report. It’s never occurred to me to want to see them.

I always saw my grandsons school reports, as did my mum.
I suppose, for my girl, just someone to share them with.

Just been sent my DGS’s sats results. They are good.
Not sure if they would have been shared otherwise.?
Didn’t give them any thought before the photo arrived but I have sent congratulations.
I didn’t send my children’s reports to my M&D and I am not aware that my GP’s knew how brilliant I was. (Note the past tense- I peaked too early!)

Look back at your own school reports (if you still have them) and you may have a good laugh.

They will probably bear no relation to what you achieved, what career path or hobbies you pursued in later life.

I have a vague memory that my mother wanted to see our children’s reports, but we weren’t very comfortable about it - just felt a bit intrusive. Now that I have grandchildren it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask to see reports. Showing interest in how they’re getting on in school and in other areas of their life is a different matter.
I think we might not have shown our children’s reports to their siblings either - one was very academic and got excellent reports, 2 others were of the “could do better” type, so it could lead to teasing etc! Also, as far as we were concerned they were a private communication between teachers and parents.

No, a general comment on the number of threads from grandparents who still haven't cut the umbilical cord.

My grandchildren live 200 miles away. We see them every holiday for about a week and usual make brief visits for birthdays, although we didn't this year as DGS was going to a theme park for a day, and DH couldn't keep going all day.

I understand it being a bit of a wrench when they are usually shared with you.

I would let it go though, your son and grandson may be feeling a bit upset about it or your son might be feeling a bit of a failure right now.

I'm not saying you would judge but you are his mum and, sometimes children just don't want to share these things with parents because it is harder to then, I don't know how to explain it, not feel the hard emotions I guess.

Let him share if ad when he is ready

Would it tell you anything you don't already know anyway?

'Fraid school reports have always been taken with a pinch of salt in our family, and we haven't shared them apart from a general 'it was good' kind of comment.

It's a little thing - let it go.

OP,
You are very very YABU

Perhaps, at 13, your grand children have been given the choice whether to show you, and prefer not to?

When they were little, we were shown or told about the reports as our DGC as we did daily childcare. As they grew up, we tended to be told anything they particularly wanted us to know and eventually nothing unless we asked. Maybe a sudden cut off is more unexpected.

My own school reports were pretty grim so on the whole I'd prefer not to relive the pain with my grandchildren!

Gosh I would never expect or ask to see my grandchildren's school reports. I believe they are confidential and by showing them to anyone at all - even grandparents it would breach the trust between parents and child.

I imagine your grandson is embarrassed and your son is respecting that. Fair play to your son.

Callistemon21

Look back at your own school reports (if you still have them) and you may have a good laugh.

They will probably bear no relation to what you achieved, what career path or hobbies you pursued in later life.

The only comment I remember from any of mine is the one from the art teacher, before I was finally able to give it up.

One word, ‘Weak.’
To be fair, she could have said, ‘Utterly hopeless’.
Nothing’s changed in that department!

Funny how I don’t remember any of the language teachers’ comments, which I’m sure were full of praise (she said modestly).

Yes, YABU. He is your grandson but the report is not honestly any of your business if he and his parents don't want you to see it.
My mother helped us to pay school fees for my youngest daughter but never asked to see her reports.

I can quite see that having formerly seen you grandson's school reports you feel snubbed and hurt this year.

But I am honestly astonished than any grandparent would expect to see a grandchild's report.

Okay, my grandparents did not live within easy distance of us, but my parents made do with telling them that our reports were satisfactory, good, or that we were have difficulties in certain subjects.

Neither my parents nor my grandparents expected that something that is basically a confidential document should be handed round the family.

I remember my mother handing me my report to read when I was seven, and mentioning that many parents did not actually show their children these reports, but just told them what was in it.

She would never have shown me my sister's. or shown my sister my report, considering that a breach of confidentialty.
I was never present when my parents discussed my sister's report with her, or she in the room when they gave me the details of mine.

I cannot imagine any 13 year old wanting his grandmother to see his report - but I cannot speak from my own experience here, as all my grandparents were dead by the time I was thirteen.