School reports

Quite unreasonable. I would not expect to see them. Where does it end - G nieces and nephews?

I think it's more unusual than regular for grandparents to see their grandchild's reports, unless the child and/or parent(s) want some sort of 'reaction' from the grandparent(s).

Seeing a grandchild's school report should not be seen as anything other than an honour. And if seeing them stops for any reason, the grandparent(s) shouldn't say anything beyond, MAYBE, something like "Oh, I haven't seen {GC}'s report yet..." to the parent(s), and leave it at whatever they say.

I would have hated my Grandparents to see mine - it was bad enough having to show them to my parents!
As a grandparent we have no rights just privileges!

It may well be your grandson who doesn't want to share it now he's getting older, especially if he is finding things difficult at the moment. Please don't be hurt, there are much more important things than seeing a report.

We’ve seen the reports when our grandchildren were very young! Never when teenagers wouldn’t expect to either! School reports don’t really mean that much, I am quite surprised that grandparents are expecting to see them, crikey you aren’t expecting his report to be great! I think you are being very unreasonable, I’m with your son all the way.

I think this is more about something usual/regular stopping suddenly.
No matter what happens in any other family, it did happen in this one…and it stopped.
The OP is bound to have a reaction and it’s expected and natural.
Just needs a little time to get used to the idea that something’s changed as the grandchildren are growing up.
Speaking as someone who always reacts poorly to sudden change, I can totally emphasise. ?

I expect I will see the report of the grandchild who lives in my house as I effectively co-parent but no way would I assume it for any of my 8 other grandchildren. I get a screenshot sometimes of a report of one or the other if there’s something funny or surprisingly praiseworthy. I love them all but they are not my children and I don’t expect anything from my adult children either or their spouses because they are grown-up. I know they love me but I am not part of their family unit. I doubt very much if my grandchildren who have passed year 5 are going to want their reports shown to anyone. I had enough trouble getting one of my own children to hand over the report after the age of 11.?

I think it’s rather nice to be shown school reports but it would never occur to me that it’s my right. After all, the parents are on hand if there are issues that actually need addressing so why would a grandparent think they SHOULD see it rather than just enjoy seeing it if shown? It’s almost as if the person posting this has queried why he or she hasn’t seen it, so I assume they feel very much it’s their right, and not sure I agree

I always showed my Mum the reports of my children until it became obvious she felt they belonged to her because she didn't give them back and would squirrel them away. If she came round, I would show her, if not, I wouldn't. I didn't think it was her "right" to see them but it wasn't a problem either. We always picked something positive out of every report to focus on and made a mental note to help where there were problems. Whatever the teachers wrote about one of mine, we knew they were not telling us the whole story...he was much worse! As a teacher, I also knew they would focus on the positive and fudge the negative so it was never a true reflection.
If my child had asked me not to show their report, I would have respected that. My reports were alway dire so I would understand their embarrassment.
AYBU? Maybe overreacting a little is a better way to put it. You will always be family and if you want a good relationship, it is better not to make a fuss about things that aren't fundamental to a good relationship.

I am with the majority opinion here and do not think you need to be upset because you do not see your grandson's report on this occasion. I do get it that it's a change in usual practice and perhaps feels like a snub, but don't let it get to you. Your son will probably explain that it isn't. I don't see my grand childrens' reports and don't expect to. It's between them, their parents and their schools.

Never in the reign of pigs pudding would i readmy G/childrens school report.
I am always told about them and would never comment if it were bad.
I only praise.

My parents were never interested in my school reports. It was my gran who encouraged me and was always interested to see them. She would give me wise advice (tough love) and it was not always what I wanted to hear at the time.

For example I hated sport and did everything I could to avoid it. When I had my civil service interview (age 16 and back in the early 1960s) she pointed out that they would be bound to ask about what sports I enjoyed. I wanted to be honest but she warned me against it. "They want to know that you are competetive but you can also work in a team".

She advised me to find a way to talk about sport along with other competitions I did enjoy, such as the music, poetry and drama festivals. So instead of saying what sports I "enjoyed" I told the panel what sports we "did" and then went on to quickly tell them about the competetive parts of school life that I did enjoy and how proud I was to be selected to represent my house.

My grandmother was a very wise woman. One of my greatest regrets is that she did not live to see me (eventually) go to uni and graduate with a 1st. She would have loved the formal ceremony.

No, we should not expect to my GP never saw mine except the one saying I had passed my 11+
I get a photocopy from one their choice, not mine and nothing from the others and would never ask.

I've always seen my daughter's children's reports, but I work in the school they go to, so I've a good idea of where they are anyway. With my son, the grandchildren only showed me their GCSE and A Level certificates, which they used to screenshot for me. I wouldn't expect to see them, but whatever they showed, I'd always say I was immensely proud and as long as they try their best that's all I d be interested in. I'm far more concerned with how they behave in school hoping that they're kind and respectful to others and are happy withing themselves

My daughter always shows me my grandchildren’s reports but I don’t ask to see them or expect her to show me. They are quite young at present so I don’t know whether the children themselves will want to continue this as they get older which I look on as their right to privacy between themselves and their parents. I don’t regard reports as the be all and end all anyway or a particularly good way of summarising a child’s attainment. I always remember a comment by a teacher which said something to the effect that ‘this boy will never amount to anything’. That boy was Albert Einstein.

Up until now my DIL has always sent me a screenshot of my GDs school reports although I’ve never asked to see them - she is currently doing well at school.
I somehow don’t think she will be as keen to share my GSs report with me - he’s just started and is struggling. It’s nice to know that the GC are doing well and lovely for them but I don’t need to see a copy of the report to know that.
As people have said school reports often don’t reflect how a child finally turns out - growing up I was mostly ashamed of mine and my children reports weren’t much better.

At his age he probably wants to keep some things between him and parents especially if he's going through a rough patch. I don't see my grandchildrens' reports and I wouldnt expect too as I'm not their parent. I'm always told how they are doing at school and that's enough. I don't think grandparents have the right to see the report unless they are in loco parentis, it's a privilege if they do.

I don’t think anything’s my “right”! I was just used to being shown them. I didn’t ask. It just happened.

Grandma70s

I don’t think anything’s my “right”! I was just used to being shown them. I didn’t ask. It just happened.

and now it's just stopped happening.

It's probably just that he's devestated about a bad report, and doesnt want you to see it? I'm sure it's not a slight designed to upset you.

Yes, and I’m accepting that.

Really it isn't your right to see the school report
At 13 the child should have a say as to who see it. Why is it so important that you see it. I have 12 grandchildren and have never expected to read their reports. Its not my business.

I wouldn't expect to see them but am usually shown them when I'm over, they are 6 and 12, they like you to see them if they are pleased with them but I'd never ask or expect, it's no slight

M0nica

School reports are always very formulaic and meaningless. Our Ds and DDiL will tell us bits and pieces from Parents Evenings and several problems that may be genetic in origin have also been discussed between us.

I find the intrusive part some grandparents play in family life these days quite weird. When I got married, my parents immediately respected our autonomy and the exclusiveness and allowed us to stand on our own feet.

I extended the same courtesy to my DS and DDiL. and what they invite us to be part of, or tell us we treat with confidence, we would only ever look at something, we were explicitly invited to.

I agree with M0nica, school reports are really only intended for the child and their parents. Whether they choose to share them with extended family is entirely up to them, and at 13 I think your GC is old enough to expect some privacy.

Our AC and GC live a long way from us so we have never expected to be a regular part of their lives. They are their own independent family units, we are just extended family now. We all get along well and when we're together we enjoy those times, but we don't expect constant involvement and updates on everything they do.

One of my DILs will sometimes mention their reports or even email a copy to me. I always ask if it's OK with the child that I see it, and if they said no then I would delete the email. I'll be honest and say I find the way reports are 'written' very impersonal now, and the grading is like unravelling a scientific formula!

So yes Grandma70s I do think YABU and definitely over-reacting by being so upset by it.

I’ve never seen my granddaughter’s school report and I don’t want to. I get told the general gist but it’s up to her parents to address any issues. I congratulate her on good reports but wouldn’t put any additional pressure on her.