School reports

I have never seen any of my grandchildrens school reports. I was never offered that and I never asked. I sometimes ask 'how is school going', usually get the reply 'it's OK'. i am really not bothered about seeing the reports, as long as they are OK that's all that matters.

What is YABU?

I’ve never seen any of my granddaughters’ school reports, even though I collect the girls from school on the day they get them. I do hear, in great detail, every word of praise any teacher ever gives them.

Apparently, they never get negative feedback…

It means - You Are Being Unreasonable.
It's not necessary to use that kind of shorthand, though.
Some do, and some don't.

greenlady102

Grandma70s

I don’t think anything’s my “right”! I was just used to being shown them. I didn’t ask. It just happened.

and now it's just stopped happening.

Grandma70's Yes and I am accepting of that.

And so what now is the problem?

Think at 13 it's his choice, parents must see it but can't see what right you have if he doesn't want to share.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to show my children’s reports to their Grandparents. They are now and college and don’t even like me seeing their reports. I think it’s invasive to expect to see them once the children get older if they are not sharing the report with you themselves. I think the general report can be discussed, but it is the child’s report and if it is being shared without their knowledge it is breaking the parent/child trust.

It’s never occurred to me to show grandparents my daughter’s reports! At 13 I would expect the child to have a say in this anyway.

All my Grandparents were dead before I started to get school reports. They never knew that both their DGDs were school dux. with my own DDs the first port of call with their glowing reports was to their GPs Now it is the DGCs turn and they are proud to show off their reports to their GPs

This thread has set me wondering what would have happened if one or more of the children had not been so bright. There was an expectation that all of them would be clever 'Top of the Class' and no great fuss, rewards or congratulations were given to their achievements.

YABU.
Your parents read yours and you read your children's, but your grandchildren are not your children!
You may feel it's right, but you only get to read them if their parents allow this.
Just stick to asking if they're enjoying school etc.

I have never seen my GC s reports & I wouldn't even think of asking. So yes you ABU as this is between the youngster & parents NOT you

Not sure my grandparents even knew I got school reports!
If I am about when the grandchildren come in with their report I may read it, equally I may not. Really isn’t a big deal to me.

Jess20

Think at 13 it's his choice, parents must see it but can't see what right you have if he doesn't want to share.

The problem is that it's a regular family thing that's she's suddenly been excluded from and she's hurt because she doesn't understand why.

It's fine to ask what other families do/don't do.
We wouldn't know these things unless we asked.

Mmm, not sure why you even 'expect to be treated as part of the family'. For sure, you are part of the family, but it's a little arrogant to 'expect' to be treated as such. Sadly, our job as a Mum of boys ends pretty much when they get married. We inevitably go down a bit in the pecking order and have to sometimes learn to watch from the sidelines. It's a rite of passage.

That's it exactly. AshleysGran. I've never felt that anything to do with our grandchild is our right. I realise we have no rights. However, when something that has always happened suddenly stops happening without explanation, it's quite hurtful and quite frankly rude.

I don't think you should feel snubbed in any way, at that age your grandson probably feels quite vulnerable and embarrassed about having a not very good school report and I think you seeing it could lead to some very awkward conversations.

I usually showed my mum school reports when my children were younger (they are 29, 18 and 16 now!) and have just seen my grandson's first school report (he is 5) and it was lovely but I certainly wouldn't demand that I see every one and if he/my daughter didn't show me one of his reports, I really wouldn't be that bothered.

No you shouldn't see it as a matter of course......not unless it is an amazing one

It's actually not any of your business

Ahh you are just trying to show love and an interest!
I guess if they aren’t shutting g you out in any other way - it could be worse.
Family day out somewhere in the holidays ? ❤️

Did you actually ask to see the report?
He’s getting a big boy. You say the school mention some personal stuff.
He’ll perhaps not want his Gran to be privy to such things. I’m thinking Dad has his sons best interest.
I’d suggest not mentioning anything about the report. Not even a hint.
As a Gran, we’re here for cuddles and support. Please please don’t put your son in the position where he feels he has to refuse you. You say you’re a close family don’t ever jeopardise that. Pretend this conversation with your son hasn’t happened.
Mine are still young and I see some but not all reports. I’m sure in years to come, they’ll only be happy showing me if it’s a glowing report.
Enjoy your son visiting.

Perhaps at 13 as a young teenager he has expressed the wish for his parents to withhold the school report from you, after all he is now able to make that sort of decision for himself and hope that his parents respect his wishes. Different if he hands you the report to read or tells you what is in it or how he has done at school himself and asks for your opinion/advice. So get over it and start to realise that your grandchildren are people not commodities and you are not the most important person in their lives.

I’ve always been shown my g/childrens school reports …but I’ve never asked to see them. That’s the difference….but since Ive stopped walking them to and from school and attending concerts and sports days … that has rather dropped off! But that’s because I’m not ‘in the loop’ with them now due to other responsibility’s. But I do not consider it’s my right to see reports…. and I suspect that if either of them , boy 15 and
girl 10, has a bad report …they would not want me to see it . I’d respect that! Don’t feel you’re left out of family over a silly thing like reports. You’re always be gran!

My son always sends me copies of his grandchildren’s school reports. Their school is very much involved with grandchildren because so many parents are work.

I have never seen their reports and I wouldn’t expect to. I get told how amazing my GC are doing or not but I don’t see the actual document. I actually I don’t need to see them as I can see their progress.
I think it’s very personal especially at 13!!. I would feel I was boarding on being interfering and intrusive, if I even asked to see them. I most certainly wouldn’t feel hurt or snubbed by such a thing.
I am a teacher (older age group) and actually most reports are copied and pasted from one student to the next now a days. We keep a general profile of each child and just focus on few individual areas personal to the child but largely the rest is just pasted in, according to targets. Some teachers even use software that generates a largely generic report.