Reached the end of my piece of string

maddyone i am with you all the way. Anyone who needs a lot of care, like your mother, people who cannot do anything without assistance, may be incontinent and need 24/7 supervision, is far better looked after in care where a home has the equipment, facilities and trained staff able to deal with these problems. It is the most loving thing a child can do.

I have been going through agonies at putting my Mum in a care home 8 weeks ago. She suffered constant UTI's, was collapsing frequently and her partner was struggling to cope. Yesterday I visited her at the nursing home and they said she had attacked a member or staff. When I was talking to her it quickly became apparent that she thought I was her mother and she was very listless. So, at 2pm I drew this to the Nurse's attention. By 6.30pm I got a call to say they had tested her urine, grown the bug, rung the duty doctor who had prescribed the correct antibiotic and had just been given the first dose. If she had been under our care, that would have taken at least a week and she would have more than likely ended up far more ill than she needed to be.
So, thank you M0nica, your post has made me feel so much better.

When my uncle went into care, he said it was the best thing he had ever done and wished he had done it sooner.

Thank you for your comments NotSpaghetti and Monica. it’s obvious that a great many people cannot look after their very elderly parents, who are usually in their nineties. It was pointed out upthread that these parents, usually mothers, loved and cared for their children when they were young and so the adult children owe it to their parents to look after them in their old age. Well firstly, a large number of elderly parents were not actually good parents to their young children, including my own mother, and so it could be argued that they owe them nothing. In my case I do the right thing, I always have done, but not without a certain sense of resentment, due to her treatment of me as a child and young woman. But secondly, however good a parent was, I don’t feel that a seventy year old should sacrifice their own retirement to care of their ninety something year old parent. Do the right thing, in other words what is necessary and actually doable. In my case now, it’s visit my mother. Sell her flat. Sort out the finances. It used to be do her laundry, shopping, sort out repairs, take her to medical appointments, and visit her and take her out. She went into the care home because she needed to, because she’s disabled (by her age) and needs constant care. I cannot look after her. I’ve spent the last five years seeing to her needs and to be honest, I’ll be happy the day it ends.