AIBU to want to mind my grandson in my own home when his mum goes to work?

This is a few days over the summer - ossibly 6? I feel it barely needs discussing.
Your choice I suppose. Go there or don't do it.

When my mom baby sat my children ... years ago she had them both at her home ... also remember the cost of fuel now aswell ... you may have offered but I would have thought it would have been at your home not hers ... if she ignors you, she would be the one to loose out

Not sure you can lose out on what you didn’t ask for. DIL may want to pick up extra work but there’s no indication she wasn’t managing prior to the OP’s offer. This is such a small “issue” that isn’t worth OP getting worked up about. DIL wants the child home. Nothing wrong with that. Everyone raises their children differently. For some it is a no brainer to have them minded in their own home. For others it isn’t. No one way is right or wrong. This is just a minor example of the benefits of clear communication. If you have specific stipulations with a voluntary offer, say so upfront before you get someone to agree to half of what you want.

The one thing that stands out to me is that they’re 20 mins away and sometimes naps can be an issue. Both my children would fall asleep in the car on any journey more than 5 mins and it would then be a nightmare to get them down for the night - especially if the impromptu car nap was later in the afternoon. Maybe DIL wants you to have him at hers for the same reason - to avoid extra naps that will give her a nightmare at bed time?

Obviously, I did have to drive with my children at times and put up with the consequences - that’s just life, but I’ll be honest between the ages of 1 1/2 and 3 I did try to avoid it where possible!!

From my experiences a gran, a mixture of both works best.

I know how you feel. I have my granddaughters one day a week and I’m much happier to have them in my own home. My daughter doesn’t mind where I have them. If she passes my way she will drop them off otherwise I will pick them up. I don’t see anything wrong in asking at all. Just explain to her that you have made sure your house is safe and you would drop him back home at the end of the day. I don’t understand why some comments coming back to you are so unfriendly to be honest x

Excellent Mama2020; I think your comments sum this up perfectly.

I was in a similar position all the child’s needs are where it lives everything on hand. What’s the problem going for a nice walk out with the baby in the pram getting fresh air. It’s hardly a full time job embrace your time together and enjoy it. Their house might not be to your liking but it’s their home and the environment your grandchild will be used too.

@Redhead65

A sensible approach! Not everything needs to be a power struggle. It’s a temporary arrangement.

One poster said free childcare wasn't worth the hassle for her. Here in Oregon 2 half days for my youngest gc at 4yrs was $400 a month (this was aa few years ago)Toddlers were about twice that. Perhaps its cheaper there? DIL was offered a favor & instead of saying thank you DIL presents a list of demands. If DIL wants an employee let her pay for one.

Oregongran, maybe DIL doesn't see it as a favour? It's a disruption of her regular routine. I'm sure she already has childcare covered. I'd see DIL as doing the favour to the GP who has offered because GP wants to do it to get time with the GC. She has offered to let GM have what she wants but GM doesn't just want time with the GC, she also wants to make no concessions herself.

I can't believe some of the nasty remarks you are receiving on here! You are not being unreasonable, I looked after my two grandsons,( who are now teenagers) at my own home. I made sure we had loads of toys (charity shops ) and spent a fortune on Lego which they still get out to this day. Perhaps, as an earlier poster suggested, you should have said you would do it but at your house from the word go. If he goes to a nursery then he already has a disruption to his routine. From listening to friends with the same issue as you it seems this generation of mothers are obsessed with "routine" but it is what it is and you either have to go with it or politely stick to your guns. I did not enjoy being at my daughter's house, it was very small and the garden was a tip and a trip hazard, it still is! You sound a lovely grandmother but if she has blocked you it tells you all you need to know. Her, and more importantly your grandsons loss. I really hope it works out for you in the end.