Am I being over sensitive to feel no more important than a kitchen appliance

I am sure my husband would replace me sharpish , he can and does enjoy cooking . But washing up / cleaning down the kitchen - no . Likewise use the washing machine / Hoover and dust , change the sheets hahaha .

I think men are wired differently than women. Most men, even in their 60s, replace their deceased wives pretty quickly but I don’t think women do. Women are stronger and can survive on their own. I was relieved that my husband passed before me because I think he would have struggled with loneliness if I had passed before him.

My husband died fourteen years ago. He was a good man although, of course, none of us is without fault. We were used to each other's ways. We certainly irritated each other from time to time. He could be a bit needy and I'm rather independent. We met at university and were married for more than thirty years. We went through a lot of life's ups and downs together: house buying, house moves, children, work, family bereavement, health issues and so on. I've never considered another relationship for various reasons. They are my own personal reasons and I mean no offence to anyone who thinks differently.

*I don't think I'd be able to recapture the trust that starts young and builds up over a long marriage.
*I'm perfectly capable of living without a man.
*I don't need to be looked after or to look after anyone else on a daily basis in order to feel important. (Of course I would look after my adult children and grandchildren if there was a need and friends if they had no one else.)
*I enjoy giving and receiving hugs but I like it that hugs don't lead to any expectations that I'm not interested in catering for. i.e. to be specific, life without another's expectation of sex is fine for me... and probably always has been!
*I like the personal freedom of being single i.e. never having to explain where I'm going, why I'm going, who I'm meeting and when I'll be back.

Disclaimer: That's me. Any, all or none of my reasons might, or might not, resonate with anyone else.

In Victorian times women had to have at least 12 months grieving wearing clothing of various colours as the time passed. Men? Only had to grieve for 3 months.

As a woman wearing a wedding ring can keep predatory (or needy) males at bay.

My MIL still wears her wedding ring despite her husband dying some 30 years ago or more... She never remarried.

I don't know what I would do if DH died.

Death is a reality. People cope somehow in different ways. A few die of a broken heart, literally. Some are prepared, some are not - as was my poor mum.

I think its a husband thing of talking out loud without there being any depth in what he was saying whereas you are giving it a bit of thought. However, I eould say to both of you, you really have no idea how it will be until you are this side. My husband had a terminal illness and we discussed many things before he died. We didn't discuss my future because I didnt want to ever feel restricted by his wishes whatever they may have been.

I wear my Dad’s wedding ring. In October will be 25 years since he died. The passing years have not made me miss him less. Whether a person wears a ring or not is their way of coping with bereavement

I'm 100% sure that men are wired up differently to women when it comes to emotions! Their nature seems to be more self serving and self preservationist. I've know numerous guys who've lost wives/partners over the years and most think nought of taking up with another female sometimes very very quickly after their loss! It's not a rule but majority do. You will feel upset because I think women invest so much more of themselves in any relationship, I don't know why , probably genetic (in cave man days style) for us to be invested in a partner who'll protect and provide for our offspring? Whatever reasons are behind it, I feel men arent as deeply injured by loss as women are.

vince cable's wife olympia rebelo died, and he continued to wear the wedding ring she gave him.
when he later married rachel smith he added her ring to the same finger.
he continues to wear two wedding rings, as he has been married twice.

My Mum died in her 50s. My Dad was obsessed with her when she was alive. He had moved to Cornwall to live with another women within the year. Women grieve, men replace.

I wouldn't mind my husband moving on in the event of my demise but I wouldn't want a penny of my children's inheritance to go to anyone but them.

Men seem to view life - and love - in a far less emotional way than women, it seems to me. I think it was Disraeli who said - paraphrasing a bit here! - 'Love, to a man, is a thing apart; 'tis a woman's whole existence'. This is a sweeping statement, but does it reflect general attitudes - does anyone agree? My cousin and his wife were married for many years , and when she died fairly suddenly he was on the phone to me complaining that he relied on her, and he didn't know how to work the washing machine. Perhaps he was trying to hide his deeply felt emotions - but it didn't sound like it!

I shall stop trying to be literary; the quote was from Lord Byron and I mostly got it wrong.

My husband and I used to discuss what would happen if one of us died. He jokingly said he would go in a monastery until I said he would miss sex.
He died thirty five years ago and I have never been in relationship since and have never wanted to in spite of offers. I think of my husband every day and still wear my wedding ring.

You only have to look at online dating today to see how easily partners are replaced. A close friend of mine died from cancer, her surviving husband (vicar), was engaged and married to another woman and he hadn't even scattered her ashes. Not what everyone would do, but quite a few people cannot bear to be alone, or sometimes more in the case of men, need a housekeeper/cook/chauffeur/gardener/surrogate parent/grandparent.

Overthinking what was just a casual conversation will do you no good. Most people would anticipate feeling lonely after their partner dies. That doesn't mean that they are immediately going to rush out to look for a replacement. In any case, you wouldn't be around to witness what he might do, so why worry about it?

Two loving couples who live near me were good friends. One of the wives became ill, then died, and her husband was supported by the friends. Then the husband of the other couple also died, and she was helped and supported by the male friend. Eventually the two survivors married each other, which was a happy ending to a sad time, and was welcomed by both families.

Another female friend grieved very much when her DH died, saying that she would never find another like him, nor wanted to. 2 years later she married one of their friends from the local Social club.

No-one knows how they will feel, when bereaved. My DH died 6 years ago. I grieved for him, but also found a certain pleasure in living alone and pleasing myself, after many years of coping with his ill-health. I still wear my rings, and am perfectly happy to remain single. I doubt that my DH would have coped well on his own, though, and would possibly have re-married........if he could have found anyone willing to take him on!

I have noticed that men are far more likely to find a new partner after bereavement or divorce. I don't think it's personal just that they feel the need for companionship and care whereas women don't seem to so much

" . . There are also a lot of predatory women out there who will swoop in with offers of 'help' as soon as they get wind that a
female spouse is ill.
I've see it happen with my friend. She's terminally ill and all of a sudden all these women (usually older) are bombarding her husband with offers of help. They don't offer to help her strangely enough !
I've no doubt that when she dies these desperate women will be flocking round her husband likes flies round sh**..."

You may be right snowberryZ but I've never seen it in my sheltered life. I have seen people drop away when illness strikes.

It was different in the days of more when someone was widowed with young children
Call me cynical but I think a lot of older widowers want a nurse or a purse or someone to do the wife work for them
There is an old bad taste 'joke about why do brides marry in white, because that's what colour kitchen appliances are. Lots of younger men want a wife appliance too

I’m with you Yammy…. my husband refused to wear a wedding ring so I took mine off straight after the ceremony …. it caused a bit of a kerfuffle I can tell you!! We’ve just had our 50th wedding anniversary . All done without a silly bit of gold band! I know 8 divorced couples …all wore their precious wedding bands. Hypocrisy !

I can not imagine wanting anyone if my wife died before me. I was devastated when I lost my wedding ring at Loggerheads in Wales and I needed to to wear any ring. If there's a life after death or reincarnation I want to spend it with my wife for eternity (and yes she agrees!!) I too am appalled at anyone finding a new partner less than a year after a partners death.

It sounds as if, in a roundabout way, he was saying he didn’t think he’d be able to live without you! I can’t think of a kitchen appliance you’d say that to!

My DH died fifteen years ago after a 6 week illness . He was 58 and I was 54 and we’d been married for 35 years. I’ve not looked at another man since , not because I’m still grieving but I’ve got no intention of doing another man’s washing ever again ?.
My poor DIL lost her DM to cancer 5 years ago . Within one month her dad met another woman on holiday and has been living with her all that time !
I will say this woman has all the same interests as him , where as his wife ran the house and family while he buggered of mountain climbing and all sorts of other stuff.

On the "nextdoor" app, there is a friendship group, and a new member joined.

He said he was looking for friendship and more, since his wife died. .
Somebody asked how long ago he lost his wife, and he replied "Six days ago"

The truth is until it happens to you I’m afraid you don’t know just how you will feel. I’ve met a few men who remarried within six months of their wives dying. Never met a woman that has though. Most women although heartbroken seem to manage better. I would never marry again. Had a brilliant husband and it doesn’t happen twice meeting your sole mate, I would rather have no one than someone.