Lady who likes to shine

You cannot blame her for baking the best cakes.

Every group has its queen bee, and I agree they are an absolute pain in lots of ways but they are also the one that gets things done.

We have one in our village, a prominent member of every group, a woman to avoid wherever possible.

I have no advice, these people are very thick-skinned and always have a small group of followers that fawn around the queen bee reinforcing her feelings of greatness.

Mentally filter her out whilst continuing to attend. There’s always one!

Definitely always one ! The one we have is a right pain in the backside but I have to admit she is very capable and gets things done quickly. I don’t answer many of her copious phone calls, she just gives me the you know what’s but I do admire her, I have to admit. The thing that really ps me off is her interference in things she knows nothing about, plain nosiness really. The

While a knowledgeable and clever member is always welcome, it's bad manners to brag.

"doesn't allow anyone else to talk without interrupting and talking about herself and what she does and where she goes." is bragging or boasting. This may be due to her never having learned this rule of good conversation.

It's always nice when a group is so secure and trusting that it's safe to tease any member when they display a bad habit.

Maybe its time to join a group that she hasnt joined yet?

I find it odd that you want this woman to make herself smaller in order for you to feel better.

Actually, Summerlove, the woman would be more influential if she learned to take her turn at talking.

If I belonged to such a group I'd be happy to concede most of the talking to a single member if she was an amusing speaker. and none of the others was able to talk amusingly.

The OP has not told us enough for us to judge. I wish the OP could quote actual exchanges.

There is always one person who plays alpha and has a pack

It is also up to the organization not to let that person run everything.

Do you still have enough activites for you?

Would raising it to management or coordinators help?
I am sure she annoys others as well

If not, look for another group

.*..now find this woman doesn't allow anyone else to talk without interrupting and talking about herself and what she does and where she goes*

What to do?

1. The cakes, the gifts, belonging to other groups, social media - do nothing! It's her business!

2. The quote I put above:

Each person in group needs to learn and have confidence to use the following phrases when she interruptsI have named her "Chat" in the quotes)

" Could you hang on please Chat I haven't finished speaking"

"Chat, please wait until I have finished"

"Chat, did you think I'd finished speaking? I havent"

" Hang on Chat, Mary hasn't finished commenting yet"

"Chat I can't hear what Mary is saying, can you hang on please"

"Chat that sounds interesting but Mary is telling us about ...so hang on"

Going on and on about what she does and where she goes:

Give her 5 minutes or so maybe then:

"Sorry to interrupt but Mary, didn't you go to ..... as well? What did you think of it?"

"Anyone else fancy a piece of Chats cake. Mary could you help me bring some over please?"

Alternatively, a quiet word with Chat...about interrupting and how you can help her realise what she is doing as you are sure it is not on purpose .....!!

PS Would the world end if she grounded out? No! Although it might for her if she really needs the group!

Grounded out ? What does that mean ?

Thank you all very much for your very interesting comments. I feel better already knowing it is not just be and in future I shall give her a wide berth wherever possible and, if not, possible go beige on her.

But how is Chat feeling when she is alone at home?

Is it going to be a load of dull ones greying the brilliant facets of a sparkling jewel?

LINK > www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAEppFUWLfc

Then they can be glad that Chat does not attend now.

But what of Chat?

Unwanted, greyed by the dull-ones.

Forgotten.

Alone.

Remembering.

Wondering why.

It is about achieving a broad balance within the group and allowing some of the other very capable and very interesting members to also shine equally. We all have our story to share however humble.

Perhaps that lady is lonely? She makes cakes, gives gifts, talks a lot. It might be that she desperately wants to fit in.

I go onto a lot of the word games on Gransnet, and spend far more time on there than I should. Other posters on the games probably get fed-up of keep seeing my name on the threads. When I've been quick to answer on the threads and have given what I think are clever answers, I'm so pleased with myself - but that's because I'm happy that my brain is now getting to be back to normal after I had a stroke.

She sounds very overbearing. I know the type well. Certainly not a sparkling jewel, more a complete PITA. Every village organisation has one. Me! Me! Me!

and, if not, possible go beige on her
I have no idea what that means.

I think we all know Queen Bees but without them perhaps there'd be no committees, no voluntary organisations and no sense of direction in these groups.

And, perhaps in your instance, no cake.

HowVeryDareYou
Well done and keep posting!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. We are all different, and like different types of people. Someone like that can completely disrupt the dynamics of a group and change it from a pleasant chat to becoming an audience member - tbh it would get on my nerves too.

I don't think there is much you can do though. It's just how she is, and you aren't going to change her now.

I have a friend that is a bit similar. Always willing to volunteer, always generous with baking or gifts. She remembers names and is interested in details of your life. She has many good qualities, but yes, she can be a bit overwhelming when it comes to social events.

I think the trick is to allow them to shine, but not take over a conversation. This just needs someone a bit strong to bring back the conversation to the group instead of the individual. Sometimes you just need to interrupt them, and bring it back to allow someone else to speak!

There is a very similar story on Mumsnet told from a daughter's perspective. I find it a bit too coincidental.

I always ask myself why is this person acting this way? there is a reason, it may be that she seeks approval for X Y & Z, may go right back to her childhood. If that is the way she conducts herself then i would try to not zone in in it, but rather enjoy your time at the social club, don't let others spoil your nice day out.

Lucca

Grounded out ? What does that mean ?

That was meant to say "flounced"! Text corrector again, drives me up the wall, especially when no similarity to what word is meant to be!!

StarDreamer

But how is Chat feeling when she is alone at home?

Is it going to be a load of dull ones greying the brilliant facets of a sparkling jewel?

LINK > www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAEppFUWLfc

Then they can be glad that Chat does not attend now.

But what of Chat?

Unwanted, greyed by the dull-ones.

Forgotten.

Alone.

Remembering.

Wondering why.

Yes ...hence my comment re the world ending for her ..and my suggestion of a quiet word!

However somehow a balance has to be found with other people's needs , as well as hers!

Hi Leonora ,

How irritating !

But I'd say that this lady
has nothing else in her life and has thrown herself at every project to get praise and admiration from everyone .

There's often one at most social groups .
They can't help it .

Over the past couple of years I've got fed up with one of my friends ,who has to be Miss Popularity and is extremely opinionated .
It's her way or no way .
Contradict her and she has a very clever way of blanking you .
She can be spiteful and jealous ,too .

In reality , she was completely rejected by her mother throughout her life and the scar tissue runs deep .
So I'm with Serendipidy on this one !