Lady who likes to shine

The worst one I remember came to a social group I attend when a similar one of which she was a member was temporarily homeless (the venue was being decorated or something). She arrived early each week, got a seat at the top of the table, and generally held court. Mostly she boasted about her grandchildren (if someone's grandchild was studying physics, hers was doing astrophysics - that sort of thing) if someone else said theirs had least to swim, hers had learnt to fly and so on. A lot of what she said about university was hopelessly out of date, and basically wrong - I had just retired from one, and was well aware that she was repeating things her family had told her and had misunderstood. I didn't contradict her, as I don't think she was lying, so much as misinformed, and there would have been no point. Someone else said that her comments about her grandson's glittering career were similarly way out, apparently - a regular's husband was in that line, and she could tell it was more repeated nonsense, but smiled and said nothing.

She brought in a laptop one day, to show off the cakes she'd made for a grand-child's birthday, however, and was really horrible to one of our number who made much humbler cakes for her own family. The put-downs were awful, and so unnecessary, particularly when she'd been cut so much slack.

The final straw came in about week 3 when she started to introduce us to one another from her vantage point at the top of the table - we had all been going for years, and knew each other well. Luckily, the venue she'd come from re-opened and she didn't come back.

You’re so right Aveline. Whatever you have, they’ve always had it and proceed to take over the conversation.

I have found that many older people were brought up to believe you should "hide your light under a bushell" and "self praise is no recommendation" to use a couple of trite phrases my mother used to employ. It was regarded as showing off to hold center stage. Maybe this lady was brought up in this spirit and is now enjoying our more liberal times.

Ive lived and worked in the USA and found a very different orientation where a "can do" mentality is greatly admired.

Other people can be very envious of someone who is popular and talented. Ive certainly felt this myself in a group even when I did allow others "room to talk." The very fact of knowing what you are good at (as well as what talents you lack) is often misunderstood as empty headed vanity.

My grandmother used to say that part of knowing yourself was to admit what skills you lacked so that you could improve them, if necessary. However there is nothing wrong in admitting that you are good at singing/painting/writing/cooking or whatever.

She was a very wise woman.

Do you have any kind of chair or director for your group? Ask them (in confidence) to have a word. This happened when I was chair of a housing co-operative I lived in. There was a male who would drone on under "any other business" when members just wanted to pack up and go home.

I had a quiet word that everyone was finding him hard going and he did shut up for a while. My favorite phrase was "Im closing this down now J" and would stand up to show the meeting was over. Everyone else would quickly jump up too and begin to leave the room.

There are cultural differences, true. Some are quite subtle and can grate if you don’t recognise them for what they are.

biglouis I was once in a similar position. I asked the offending big talker if we could decide a key word or phrase I could use to indicate to him that he'd gone on talking long enough. He agreed at once and asked if the phrase could be, 'shut up!'