Guest has come down with Covid...

So even though you have made it clear, kindly, but clear that he needs to move on. And he has the means to move on, he’s just too tight. He STILL failed to follow through on making arrangements?

Throw him out. He is now treating you like a mug. You have been so kind but he’s just trying to rinse you for everything he can get. He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing with his puppy eyes.

Omg. I agree with V3ra . If he has no motivation to live and work here, which he clearly hasn't, he should get back home asap.
He actually sounds homesick.

I am a NZer and have always particularly welcomed any Kiwis who have entered my Sphere. If my kids mentioned someone at school for example, I would invite them round and we have friends still from those days. However I met this one miserable family who hated the UK and grumbled all the time from weather to shops and everything in between.
I stopped inviting them and realised not all Kiwis were wonderful.

I think he's suffering from culture shock. He's talked about finding London too big and busy. But London is the place he's most likely to find work in his chosen area.

He probably is homesick. He's had four fabulous months travelling around Europe with a group of other young people. Now reality is biting and he's going to have to go through the hostel/ crap job stage before he makes friends, settles down and finds something better.

I wouldn't be at all surprised to discover in a fortnight's time that he's booked a flight home.

I asked him whether he's got money or whether we need to speak to his parents about bailing him out and he laughed and said he had savings from when he was working, but... There was a very long pause that I ended by saying 'You don't want to spend it on accommodation and food?' He nodded.

And what did you say then?

If you don't want to make him leave, either get his parents to tell him or get used to the idea he'll still be with you at Christmas. ☃️

It does sound like he is a bit lost and not knowing how to go about coping on his own. Is there any chance you could contact his sister if she is here already? Maybe she could give him some advice or contact their parents and alert them. Is she older than him? You are very kind Margot.

"With what seemed like a cold"? It probably was a cold. Instead of rushing to take a test, why didn't you just give the person warm drinks like honey and lemon and I find home made chicken soups works wonders.

He's leaving this afternoon. He only told me last night. We've both tested clear for Covid this morning so that's a relief. I still feel very tired and a bit thick-headed but generally a bit better.

I have a friend who has adult sons, one of whom came back to live with her during Covid, and she doesn't understand why I won't keep him here for another few weeks if that's what he wants. But a son's a son and has grown up with you, you have things in common and you hopefully understand them better than I do this young man. I have moments of thinking he's vulnerable and feeling protective towards him and then other moments when I think he's quite sly.

We went out for a walk through a local village last night and ended up eating in the garden of the pub. They take your card to start with, then run a tab system. We ordered our food and took our drinks outside. Ten minutes later he got up to go to the loo and when he came back he was carrying another pint and also a bowl of whitebait. I assumed he'd bought them himself, but it turned out he'd added them to my tab. It was only £12, nothing major — but the fact he hadn't even asked if it was okay really rankled. I can't believe his parents would allow him to do that.

My partner is back here this morning and I'm glad to have someone else around. He's going to take him to the station. It will be lovely to have the house back to ourselves.

ElaineI

It does sound like he is a bit lost and not knowing how to go about coping on his own. Is there any chance you could contact his sister if she is here already? Maybe she could give him some advice or contact their parents and alert them. Is she older than him? You are very kind Margot.

He doesn't have a sister over here. If he'd talk to me about what he's feeling we might have found it easier. He's in daily contact with his parents.

I assumed he'd bought them himself, but it turned out he'd added them to my tab. It was only £12, nothing major

No way would I expect anyone to add anything to my tab without asking. This man has continually overstepped the mark imo.

I hope he does leave this afternoon and not continue to abuse your good nature.

Good riddance. I'm sorry but I think he was quite a nasty piece of work and totally exploited you. I hope that is the end of the saga. You are a very kind and generous person but possibly in future be a bit more cynical.

I agree with notgran.

(If he doesn't go, maybe your friend would take him in. )

I don't know what to think. He's from the kind of family where his mum and dad really wouldn't allow that kind of behaviour and so it doesn't make sense. My partner says we started out being too generous with him and so he's assumed we're rolling in it.

I don't think I've ever met a person I've had such difficulty understanding or communicating with. There's something quite childlike and naive about him.

He left a rather sweet thank-you note and a box of chocs he must have bought at some point when we were out and about last week.

What a relief! Has he gone yet?
I think he is a very mean spirited young man.
My German Helper arrived yesterday and due to your experience I was quite nervous
But he is really nice. He has spent the morning putting up a cup rack and putting new knobs on my kitchen cupboards - both jobs which have hung around waiting for months.
He also sorted out my tool cupboard, sorting and labelling all the bits and pieces.

This is a website www.helpx.net
I highly recommend it for young people who want to travel cheaply but want to help in return

Oh dear guess what. My helper has come down with covid now.

MargotLedbetter

ElaineI

It does sound like he is a bit lost and not knowing how to go about coping on his own. Is there any chance you could contact his sister if she is here already? Maybe she could give him some advice or contact their parents and alert them. Is she older than him? You are very kind Margot.

He doesn't have a sister over here. If he'd talk to me about what he's feeling we might have found it easier. He's in daily contact with his parents.

Sorry Margot, I thought you mentioned he had a sister an hour away.
Glad he has got himself together and moved on and nice he left a gift.
You will be glad to have your house back to normal again and well done for looking after him.

Grammaretto

Oh dear guess what. My helper has come down with covid now.

No! How are you going to manage the situation?

I am only now beginning to feel as if I might be back to normal so I hope you don't catch it too.

I have recently had covid though I don't think he caught it from me because I had been testing negative for several days before he arrived.
He's mostly in his room, coming out for meals and feeling a bit better after 4 days but still testing positive.
What became of your guest?

He went to London to try and link up with some friends there, but apparently that didn't work out (he had to pay for accommodation) so he then went to Newcastle where he had a contact who agreed to have him stay for a few days. Yesterday I had an email from his parents wondering whether I'd have him back again until such time as he finds a job. The implication is that he's mildly depressed and is running out of money. I've said no, we have too much on and because we've downsized to a smaller house and as I am still working from home, it's really not convenient to have him around all the time.

He's looking for work in quite a narrow sector where my guess is that it's quite difficult to get work without knowing people. This is the only work he'll consider. He won't do hospitality work or manual work while he waits for something to come up. He's had a good job in this field in New Zealand, so he has a reasonable CV, and he seemed to think that he'd be able to walk into something here. NZ has quite a small talent pool, but the same can't be said here.

Glad you said no.

Sounds like it’s time he headed back home to Mum and Dad, but TBH, they don’t sound keen to have him either!

Yes, I've suggested that being here over the winter with no money and no work as we head into recession and power cuts will do him no good at all. He needs to fly home, have a lovely spring and summer with his parents and apply for work remotely. It's unfair to ask someone else to take responsibility for him.

Well done for saying no. If you'd said yes, I expect you would have been lumbered with him for a long time and feeding him etc too. It's a bit cheeky of his parents to ask even if their concerned about him

His parents probably don't realise how annoying he was.
He needs to take responsibility for himself.
Well done for saying No.

Definitely stick to your guns! Don't even invite him for 1 night or you'll never get rid of him. He needs to learn to stand on his own feet - either take a "menial" job or go home. Can you e-mail him with some written advice, with a copy to his parents? You had conversations with him before but if it's in writing he might pay more attention. Spell out again the situation in UK, which is likely to get worse in coming months.

His parents have a cheek! No wonder he has the attitude he does ?

His CV will look much better with some recent work on it, of whatever sort, while he looks for a "proper" job.

Keep your resolve and do not have him back!

I just assume his parents love him to bits and can't imagine that having him hanging round the house all day while my partner and I try to work and follow our usual social round could be at all difficult. After all, he spent the first 18 years of his life living with them.