Increased irritability!

I wouldn't dream of trying to educate another grown up. (Not that I know enough to consider myself any kind of teacher)

I'd just hide.

???

Well, you’ve made me laugh, anyway - thank you for that!

Some of my relationships have been affected as arthritis has affected my mobility Tand caused me to develop ‘Chronic pain syndrome’. This has been accompanied by various other ailments, like cellulitis & pneumonia, which go with a depleted immune system. I HATE being the invalid talking about her own problems at a social event, but people are either kind or polite, and ask me questions about my health, which I feel it would be rude not to answer.

One of my oldest friends has moved to a ‘retirement flat, and when I stayed with her, she’d organised a few outings - we went to see a film, went out for a meal with her daughter, a service at her new church, and so/on. I could have said I didn’t want to go to any of it because I was a bit tired, but I didn’t!

Oh, a depleted immune system, you say?
I can waffle on about mine for hours!

When people respond harshly here it is probably because what someone writes hits them in one of their own tender spots where they feel vulnerable..
As we get older we have less energy and time than when we were younger. I think it is OK to question even long term friendships which don't make you happy.
You might be lonely with fewer friends but on the other hand it can feel lonely to be with people with whom you share very little in common or who are interested only in themselves. What makes us feel less lonely are soul mates, whatever our souls may be.

We are all different - live and let live. If you are irritated so much by such things stop having anything to do with them. Not at all good for your health to get so irritated so easily.

Why do your friends think you'd enjoy the two weeks golfing etc? No one does that unless they are a golfer surely. Just tell your friends you'd rather give golf a miss and go visit Cape Cod and Marthas Vineyard. I've been to both, definitely worth a visit.

I fully understand the OP feeling irritable at the "small stuff". Although I am a creature of routine and habit I often get sick of it and ask myself "do I really want to waste my time doing this?"

Sometimes I get up, go into the bathroom for a shower, and then think "what the hell" and go back to bed again. I find that more and more Im saying to myself in good old Liverpudlian fashion

"Sod that for a game of soldiers"

and leaving whatever it is to another time. This is particularly true when it involves accommodating another person.

Just be honest and say pleasantly that the visit doesn't appeal. Then do what you want. Either accept your friends don't suit you or be polite and accept we are all different and have different priorities, likes and dislikes, and restrictions and see them when you want to, not when you don't. Don't be false.

I feel you are a bit judgmental, rather than grumpy. I'm very much an introvert and appreciate people can intrude on our much needed personal space. I don't resent other people's needs and preferences though.

You've SO cheered me up !! I'm with you , fed up of moaners with frankly nowt to moan about!
I'm a loner arty farty type too , we must keep up the grumpiness it's a dying craft ya know..........??

I find friends who have been lonely at home for days do tend to chat about themselves initially on meeting . If you see them more often all that quietens down.
Friends are so important to share outings a show whatever and it’s true, loneliness and isolation and even is a slow killer I get it that you want space at the moment but guessing it’s temporary. There’s a balance
Kindness goes a long way thats just my opinion

Are they friends though? Do they ever talk about anything other than themselves? Do they really care about you and what is right for you? Maybe you can cut down contact with them a bit. Do what is right for you....

I certainly wouldn't fancy a fortnight with them but I wouldn't end the friendship. Just keep it light touch for lunch or coffees? It's nice to have a change of company . We only ever go away for a week and we've been married 40 years ! At home you can give people space . If they keep droning on too much suggest a film or a nice walk so you've got some interest outside of the droning ! If one is going on and on too much ask the other one a clear question to change the subject towards your interests .Good luck with that !

When people kindly ask after my health, I usually reply with a quick bit of relevant information (I can't walk as far as I used to...) and then say 'I bore myself if I talk about it.....' and move on!
I think that one of the problems about asking these questions is that the person who is saying they are bored / fed up with certain people can sound a bit snotty "Oh I am so interesting with my interesting friends and hobbies, I'm fed up with ordinary people". I'm sure they don't mean to sound like that - we all have things that bore or interest us, but it can push a button!
I think it's easiest to turn it on yourself and say 'I'm not such good company at the moment....a few days would suit me best....I'm just better on my own for awhile' or something similar.
I hope OP that you can use some of these suggestions to get the time to yourself that you need, but maintain a relationship with old friends.

If they never ask how you are and seemingly don’t pick up on your low mood etc I’d perhaps question how genuine their friendship is for you. Perhaps it’s a case of 2’s company, 3’s a crowd….

They could perhaps get up a coach party of like minded people.

I know who I'd be sending!

I think many people , as they get older become less interested in new things and can get stuck in the past and also their aches and pains take over. Then there are others who are still very interested in all sorts of topics , are dynamic still and are therefore more interesting to be around despite their illnesses.

I think a small amount of talk about health issues seems to be de rigeur as people age as, lets face it, we are all experiencing our bodies ageing and I think some compassion and real listening is needed for this in friendships.... but not ad nauseam.

I would decline the offer gracefully and say you have always wanted to visit Cape Cod etc and will be spending your holiday money and time that way.

Generally I would be grateful that there are people who care about me but also your response to these 'boring' people lets you know that you need some new input A group of more like minded people? I don't think you are 'spoiled' as much as in need of stimulation.

If there are interesting things on locally you fancy say you would love their company to go with. Give them a good feeling and your topics are then taken care of if it’s a film course or speech etc. Then it’s a good conversation piece to share , I felt similar and now we share a ukelele group and pop choir!!
A friend tended to push folk away at drop of a hat and now 8 yrs on she is feeling adrift yes it’s true it’s harder to make friends when older. Maybe find the balance. Stave off becoming old & alone

I can empathise with your feelings. It sounds like your friends aren't really listening to you. Not everyone is a good listener. Flagging up you need to get something off your chest can be helpful/essential with people who tend to auto transmit. And if your friends still don't listen, then I suspect it is time to draw a line on these relationships.

It is also quite easy to become isolated after any kind of emotional or physical trauma. I did after having brain surgery some years ago. Some of that was a necessary withdrawal from life while I rested and repaired, but there is a danger it goes on too long.

And trauma changes us and what we value more and less in friendship.

A throwaway comment someone made this summer stuck in my mind. This chap said three days is the most you should ever stay with other people. I think this is a really good rule of thumb. I'd go for three days and do your own trip for the rest.

biglouis

I fully understand the OP feeling irritable at the "small stuff". Although I am a creature of routine and habit I often get sick of it and ask myself "do I really want to waste my time doing this?"

Sometimes I get up, go into the bathroom for a shower, and then think "what the hell" and go back to bed again. I find that more and more Im saying to myself in good old Liverpudlian fashion

"Sod that for a game of soldiers"

and leaving whatever it is to another time. This is particularly true when it involves accommodating another person.

I laughed at this biglouis and did a big thumbs up to you...

Martha’s Vineyard wow I will come with you, looks wonderful, I could learn sign language there by the look of it in the two weeks we are there. I am very hard of hearing. Do hope you go looks fabulous

Sign me up for that retirement village !

If you have ever watched Waiting for God, I am the Stephanie Cole style person! So a few possibiites. My sister was in quite a high power job in London, and decided that one christmas that she just needed some time on her own. Didnt want to upset friends who were planning various get together etc, so she told them all she was away over christmas.and would get in touch when she got back. She stocked up on food , drink etc , didnt want any christmas style food, and just stayed home. It was just what she needed. Time to rest do whatever she wanted to do, not be beholden to anyone else and had food she liked but didnt want a lot of treat kind of food. Result - great. She had her quiet time , rested and didnt put on any weight. When she got back in touch with friends , she was very popular as was quite happy to eat turkey sandwiches or whatever. Didnt have tales of annoying family members or awful journeys, and now rested was able to be receptive to friends comments Listening to them she confirmed in her own mind that her choice had been the best for her that year! Perhaps that could be something you could do something similar for a time to give you a break. At the end of the break when you have had a rest you might be able to decide if your friendship was worth some effort, or alternatively that sadly the friendship has run its course. Years ago when my son was about 6 or so I organised a January get together. As a singer I was always up to my eyes rehearsing , doing carol concerts sorting out all the christmas stuff. i have two standby presents. One was a book token, the other a box of Anton Berg very posh version of jaffa cakes. Think there were 8 in a box individually wrapped and could be choice of fruit , chocolate covered and with liqueurs in the middle. Wrapped them in xmas paper and put label on. So if caught out with extra visitor and no present for them , you could choose between these two presents and just write name on . If you have been very organised dont need them. So then would invite friends to come for decent ground coffee, not a sign of any christmas food about and on the week the children went back to school we would have a very well deserved time together. How about trying to organise a meeting in somewhere like an RHS garden, or National Trust if you have their ticket, So that you are wandering round something specific, so you are not just sitting listening to a lot of moaning? Perhaps if you can afford it give yourself a day out on your own where you can have total choice of what you do whether it is going swimming or walking or whatever. that way you have some "me" time and perhaps you might look on Restless group to see if there are things happening that might appeal. Set up some of your own rules When I had cancer and was coping with chemo etc for over six months, I said to friends that I didnt have cancer at weekends - and explained that while I appreciated their care and wish to support, if they felt obliged to ask me how the treatment was doing etc etc. and if I had been having a few moments looking at some beautiful flower and not thinking cancer cancer , it of course brought it right back to me. Telling them this in quite a jokey way worked quite well, and they probably were quite relieved to know how I felt and what might be best. Did you ever read Worzel Gummidge with his different scarecrow heads on? Again , it can sound less confrontational and awkward to say "sorry I have my unsociable head on today, thanks for the offer but think it would be better to go out another time.Good Luck and Best wishes

Just read that post and yes , in Portugal the version is "Visitors , like fish, stink after 3 days!"

I wouldn’t accept an invitation for two weeks with anyone! I am an introvert and a little company goes a long way for me. A retirement village would drive me batty. Let your friends enjoy the trip and do something YOU enjoy.

Dear LRavenscroft

Always remember : you're a long time staring at the lid.

Or the top of the urn.

No-one EVER asked to have the words "I wish I'd spent more time being bored" engraved on their slab.