Increased irritability!

I complained to a U3A acquaintance that I found most of the people I’d met through this organisation pretty boring. Her response? “ You aren’t asking them the right questions.”
I had a word with myself and decided I was too self absorbed. Most people are very interesting if you can find the right questions to ask them. Not that this is a criticism of the poster; I am a grumpy so-and-so myself with perhaps too great a desire to be entertained.

FannyCornforth

I do think that you are being unreasonable.
I don’t think that you like your ‘kind’ but ‘excruciating monotonous’ friends, and you sound a bit spoilt.
I’d love to live in the sort of retirement village you describe in 15 or so years time.
You’d never be without company and looked after.
Just tell your ‘friend’ the truth and maybe they won’t waste their time asking you again.

Some people actually like to do their own thing without necessarily offending others. I was seeking opinions on how to gently and politely get out of the two week golf holiday not a lecture on how spoilt I was.

Shelflife

Each to their own L. Ravenscroft. You seem rather self important, if your 'friends' are kind to you and love their families - what's not to like? You have an invitation, either accept graciously or take a trip to Martha's Vineyard!! you may be more comfortable with just yourself for company!

Why am I self important trying to look after myself? No one else is going to do it for me. Is it so wrong to seek other's opinions on how to get out of 2 weeks playing golf at a retirement village? My main point was to avoid offending anyone in the process.

To be honest, LR, I was rather confused about what you wanted from the thread.
Half of it was about being irritated (as per your title) and how much your friends annoyed you.

But I certainly I did not give you ‘a lecture’.

Anyway, have you told them yet that you don’t want to go?

PS Absolutely nowhere in your post did you say that you ‘did not want to offend’.
I got the impression that you were venting about your mates.
In particular, how you were more high minded than them, with your ‘arty’ pursuits and fondness of Martha’s Vineyard over golf buggies and chit chat.

This friendship must go back a long way. You say that they are 'very kind and always bother', so, in most respects, you do still value them. Do you think they would mind if you decided to go off on your own rather than join them on a visit? As they seem to be true friends, perhaps they would be happy for you to 'do your own thing', if you explained yourself tactfully. Don't lose sight of the friendship which is worth a million of any currency. If you were in need, suddenly to become unwell, who would be the first to come to the rescue?

I’m with you all the way.Let’s live our lives as we wish ….to hell with everything else.We are old and we can please ourselves.

From what you say, it seems that it isn't so much that you don't want to visit a retirement village (though it's not your idea of fun), but your friends' self-centredness that gets you down. I quite understand that. It is disheartening when friends neither ask how you are or show interest in your own opinions and experiences.

As Grammy suggested, try to introduce subjects other than themselves to talk about. If they continue to prattle on about themselves and you feel their company would be of no significant loss to you, perhaps it's time to distance yourself a little.

I do understand people who say beware of jettisoning friends because you may need their company one day. However, I'm not sure that people who show no interest in your wellbeing or your life are really friends. And if they are making you feel grumpy then that's not good either.

I should have read the whole thread. I now see that you were invited for 2 weeks and golf will be the focus. That sounds 'horrendous. I can't see what is wrong with you just saying thank you so much for asking but golf isn't really my thing and I couldn't possibly spare two weeks anyway. Even if they wouldn't mind you going off and doing your own thing in the daytime, you would still have whole evenings stretching before you, filled with chit chat that doesn't interest you.

I think most of us find ourselves being a bit more grumpy, irritable with age. Honest question: Is there a little bit of jealousy because your two friends are enjoying their lives?

There are no rules in retirement that say you have to go where you are invited. Kindly bow out. I don't think you need to give an excuse or plan another vacation just so you don't have to go. Better to not go than to ruin a relationship with two friends. Perhaps when you feel better about the relationship, you can invite them to do something you really enjoy.

Good on you, recognizing your faults. We all should have such open eyes to our weaknesses.

Best wishes.

# For those who so kindly gave advice on my above post: My first tenet is never to hurt anyone and, if I need to go, leave by the back door unnoticed. So, re: the outcome of the friend who increasingly irritated me about a trip to stay with her at her retirement village. I decided that it would all be too much for me and I would not enjoy so much time in her company - not fair on her/not fair on me. So, as I was not feeling too well early autumn, I emailed her telling her this and that I could not manage the trip to stay with her. I got back a hugely long email telling me all about all her illnesses, meds, her difficulties over the past ten years re family and home etc and after I read it I just felt drained. Not so much as a whisper of How are you? I feel for the future that this is a relationship I will gently leave as there is nothing in it for me apart from just providing an ear for all her troubles. I just know that if I am Facetime with her it will be all about her and her life for two hours. For me, it is more important to run with my gut feeling for a quiet and peaceful life than pleasing her as an ear. It leaves me drained, wrung out with the feeling to run like the wind away from her. Life is too short.

Last time I went on holiday with a group (2 of them were not my friends but randoms who tagged on) we all sat in different seats on the journey back!

That cured me of running around after other people and compromising what I wanted to do. Plus doing all the interpreting and arranging because they didnt speak French. I then began going on holiday by myself. That has its downsides - like having to eat on my own in the evening - but there are so many upsides in being able to make your own plan and stick to it.