Role of Godchildren

Callistemon21

The role of Godparent is a spiritual one; they promise to look after the spiritual welfare of the child.

This person thinks it should be a totally different relationship.

Spiritual is one thing. And it depends on denomination- but it is very specific, which is why I would never make those promises

''Help them to learn more about the Christian faith, through
their church and in other ways. Go to church with her/him,
talk about what Scripture teaches us, and help them to
pray.
During the baptism Godparents say some very
important things, making promises that will last a
lifetime. You will promise to care for them, help them
take their place within the life and worship of the
Church; to turn away from all things that are not God-
like and by your life to model for your Godchild how to
turn toward Jesus and to follow him unreservedly; to
assist your Godchild’s parents in raising her/him in the
Church.''

not to do with the OP however.

Isummer. Yes, that is what you need to do. It sounds like this is not your friend’s normal behaviour.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. 💐

not to do with the OP however.

It's absolutely to do with the OP.
This friend des not appear to know what the rôle of Godmother is at all.

As you have pointed out quite rightly in your post - that is the rôle of Godparent and it doesn't entail a small baby or child promising to look after the Godparent in old age.

When that child becomes an adult (or even before them) a good Godparent will not keep badgering that child to follow any faith if that is what the child, now adult, does not believe.

As you have pointed out quite rightly in your post - that is the rôle of Godparent and it doesn't entail a small baby or child promising to look after the Godparent in old age

In exchange for worldly goods too!

Times change, things change, people change. The best friends I had all fell away when I became a full time carer, friendships of 40 years etc. Everything has a time limit. Enjoy your daughter and grandchild, allow yourself to grieve for your husband and leave 'your friend' to her choices. Life is too short. You are not responsible for her life nor should she be using her will as leverage - very manipulative.

Godchildren don’t have a role!

Well, to not have children to spite her mother in law says it all.

She sounds very selfish.

Just ignore this.
She is hoping you will mention it to your daughter. Pretty sure she won’t.
When anyone starts talking to me about my grown up sons. I say that’s between you and them as they are adults now. Call her bluff and frankly I would reduce contact but that’s your choice.
Your daughter bless her has enough going on.
Also you are grieving and need kind friends around you not this. So sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hug.

You do not say whether her husband is still alive. I would have thought he'd be the first port of call to look after her. Besides she has a large family of nephew's and nieces. Tell your daughter what she said but also make sure she takes it with a pinch of salt and laugh it off. She's under no obligation whatsoever!! Ignore the comment and retain the friendship.

she is being silly. Hopefully she wont say anything anyway and was just venting (for want of a better word)

I'm a failed Godmother. My only Goddaughter has converted to Islam. She's a nice girl and does stay in occasional touch and I have left her a little something in my will but do consider myself as having failed! Its the old story. She met a man...

razzmatazz

Well, to not have children to spite her mother in law says it all.

She sounds very selfish.

People used to say all kinds of things if they were unable to have children - I doubt that reason is actually true

In her mind she probably thinks of them as grandchildren as she hasn’t had any. I’d say to her kindly, that even grandchildren rarely look after or visit grandparents, when they are grown, it’s just how it is these days. A fact of life, you see it on here all the time. Let alone care for them. Also that she should spend her money on care or if she is wealthy enough, fund a nice posh care home which are like hotels now… it would be a shame to fall out now she is unwell and may have dementia. Also I’d say to her if she feels that way, to leave more to charity and less or none to godchildren, in a nice way. Be kind with your words is the best way, while suggesting she have a re think of what to do.

My godparents had no children of their own. They always took an interest in me and I kept in touch and visited them when I could.
Not out of a sense of duty, but because they were lovely people and I enjoyed their company.
I’m afraid your friend doesn’t sound like the sort of person I’d want to have anything to do with.

I don't think you should think you have failed at all Aveline. I don't know whether your goddaughter is a practising Muslim but at least she appreciates the spiritual side of things. Your prayers for her will never be wasted. She is keeping in contact which is great. Only God knows her heart.

Hi JaneA. Good to see you posting again x

Hello janeainsworth 👋👋👋
🙂

I think the problem is when these people are unable to look after themselves and will need some kind of care or intervention. If they lose their marbles then who will take responsibility for them? Definitely not the Godchildren, so it will have to be the nephews and nieces. But as there are so many of them who should it be? I think this is the core of the problem. There are too many of them so none of them will feel obliged to step up and take responsibility.

Maybe your friend should let them know she will leave all her money to the one who looks after her! Then they will soon be knocking at her door.

Godparents - a thing of the past? I never had them as far as I know and many people nowadays probably don't.

I looked it up
The role of God Parents ..
Godparents are among the most important people at a christening, who make big promises to encourage their godchild to grow in faith and commit to helping them understand how to live their life in a Christian way.

I am ‘godmother’ to two now grown up children, I’m not religious but was great friends with their mother who wanted me in her children’s lives in case anything happen to her. Sadly she died aged 45. I love both my god children, and we stay in contact and meet at family occasions, have dinner occasionally, etc.

BUT I would never consider expecting either of them to care for me. Not the ‘role’ of god children in my view.

Hopefully your friend was just being dramatic or, as one or two people have speculated, perhaps she isn’t well herself. Very upsetting for you, sending HUGE hugs and virtual flowers to you.

🌷🌷🌷

Not sure how many godparents do that. When my children were born we didn’t have them christened because we were not believers ( and didn’t want to ‘use’ the church as an excuse for a party). We had a register office wedding for the same reason.
We were surprised how many did though, despite many or most having no faith and who never went to church apart from weddings and funerals.
Aveline you didn’t fail, your goddaughter has faith, just a different one.

What an intriguing philosophical question. I’m a very spiritual but not overly religious person myself, although I was raised in Christian beliefs. Godmother to two beautiful now women myself. It was an honor to be asked.

I’ve read every single response and have to say I agree with every one of them! The nature of this question has been answered here. Take away what you want.

The whole question of “religion” has morphed over my lifetime. Being a godparents or godchild now does not mean the same thing as 50 yrs ago. Perhaps only to fewer people now.

I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry for your friend’s illness too which, I believe, is making her scared to die “alone.”

mumofmadboys

Godparents made the promises ,not the other way round. Of course it is lovely if godchildren are kind and caring towards their godparents as they age but there should be no obligation. I hope your friend says nothing to your DD.

Spot on, MOMB! If anything, god parents promise to look after the child, not the other way round! The focus is on the child. You’ve honoured your friend by asking her to take the role of god parent, OP, but you have no obligation to her, and nor does your daughter.

You’re obviously going through a difficult time in your life, having lost your husband. I hope you have the support you need.

❤️

1summer

My very good friend of over 40 years is now suffering from bad health and becoming increasingly housebound. Her and her husband never had children - she always said it was to spite her MIL who constantly asked. Both her and her husband came from large families and she has numerous nieces and nephews but also she has 12 godchildren,!! Including my own daughter.
She was recently saying to me how disappointed she is in her godchildren how they rarely visit or contact her and how she expected these people to look after her now she is getting old.
Most of them have families, elderly parents, stressful jobs and lives. She said to me that she is going to tell them they will be taken out of her will unless they step up to the mark!
I was horrified and will feel very upset if she says anything to my daughter. My daughter is absolutely not expecting anything from her in her will, she has always thanked her for any gifts she gave her and is often invited to family events and celebrations. But my daughter nor myself have ever thought about a caring role.
I will fall out with her if she says anything to my daughter who is at the moment grieving for her Dad (my husband) who died recently aswell as coping with a new job and a 3 year old.
I really don’t know what to say to her.

I regret being pressured into having my 2DS baptised in Catholic church as neither of us were or are religious in a churchy way! My ds has 3 darlings and none have been christened even, so what? I think it's a form of insurance policy just in case there IS something after life but the thought that unless you've paid your dues (names not on the list!) That you can't come in!! It's nonsense as far as I'm concerned, your friend has a somewhat old fashioned idea of what children are, they're not produced purely to wet nurse the old when they're at the tail end of life!! She sounds bit selfish and maybe it's a good job she had no kids, wouldn't like to think how she'd have brought them up! No guilt or duty for god children, I think they're there in case parents taken, then someone trusted can look after children, but sadly child services take over and sometimes even grand parents are not allowed to bring up their own!! I'd be telling her to can it! Nobody likes a bitter old moaner!