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AIBU

Role of Godchildren

(110 Posts)
1summer Wed 08-Feb-23 12:14:05

My very good friend of over 40 years is now suffering from bad health and becoming increasingly housebound. Her and her husband never had children - she always said it was to spite her MIL who constantly asked. Both her and her husband came from large families and she has numerous nieces and nephews but also she has 12 godchildren,!! Including my own daughter.
She was recently saying to me how disappointed she is in her godchildren how they rarely visit or contact her and how she expected these people to look after her now she is getting old.
Most of them have families, elderly parents, stressful jobs and lives. She said to me that she is going to tell them they will be taken out of her will unless they step up to the mark!
I was horrified and will feel very upset if she says anything to my daughter. My daughter is absolutely not expecting anything from her in her will, she has always thanked her for any gifts she gave her and is often invited to family events and celebrations. But my daughter nor myself have ever thought about a caring role.
I will fall out with her if she says anything to my daughter who is at the moment grieving for her Dad (my husband) who died recently aswell as coping with a new job and a 3 year old.
I really don’t know what to say to her.

silverlining48 Mon 13-Feb-23 11:17:26

Glad it’s all sorted out Isummer. I thought something like that might be the case.

Callistemon21 Mon 13-Feb-23 11:38:42

I'm glad you cleared up the misunderstanding.
She does need to realise, though, that no-one is expecting anything at all from her will, they must spend their money ensuring a comfortable old age and may need to pay for care at some point, although, of course, not everyone does.

Allsorts Mon 13-Feb-23 13:11:08

You’ve known your friend for 40; years, so you know what kind if person she is, now she’s in bad health, she’s explained how she feels about things, she sounds a kind person. Perhaps she wanted children and couldn't have them, sometimes people are so insensitive asking people without family why they haven’t got them, it must be upsetting and a flippant comment just takes the pressure off. I have had friends fir 50 years know their views on most things, I

happycatholicwife1 Sun 19-Feb-23 22:10:44

I disagree with some of the comments about children. They have a Christian responsibility to help look after their parents as much as they are reasonably able. However, God-children, unless they are very close to the godparents, wouldn't necessarily have any moral responsibility. It would be nice and proper, certainly, if they returned some of the caring attention of a close godparent. There are lots of ways to demonstrate care, though: you can fix a meal and deliver it, or mail a small gift card for a meal. Someone could hire a neighborhood boy to do a bit of work in the garden, etc. I have to say that by not having children, she sort of shot herself in the foot in that area, but she probably knows that. It is getting ready to be Lent. This morning's homily was about forgiving, not forgetting, not involving yourself closely in a relationship with someone who is repeatedly difficult, but by Christ-like loving. I probably would have a talk with the woman and gently try to make her see what might be amiss in her thinking. I might even suggest to people whom you feel comfortable talking to that she is looking for a bit of Christian help.

Callistemon21 Sun 19-Feb-23 23:33:00

I have to say that by not having children, she sort of shot herself in the foot in that area

😲
That is a truly offensive comment, happycatholicwife1

There are many people who cannot have children even if they want them and they may brush off other people's insensitive comments with excuses such as the OP's friend used as a form of defence.

jocork Tue 21-Feb-23 12:46:26

Chestnut

Some very harsh comments here. Everyone needs someone to bat for them if they are unable to make decisions due to mental decline. Either a child, nephew or niece needs to step up or the person will either die alone and neglected or will be taken over by social services, in which case no-one will be around to keep an eye on them.

I know an unmarried male aged 73 who has two estranged nieces. They won't help him, although they know he's completely alone in the world.

We (neighbours) are currently trying to find the estranged only son of an 85 year old woman with severe dementia who lives alone and needs to go into care. She has completely lost her marbles, so someone needs to make decisions for her.

In cases like these contacting an estranged relative will not enable them to help. This is why we need to arrange a lasting power of attorney so that someone you trust can manage your affairs if you no-longer have the capacity to do it for yourself.
The named person(s) would have to agree to this in advance! If someone already has dementia it is too late!

Aldom Tue 21-Feb-23 13:01:17

Callistemon21

^I have to say that by not having children, she sort of shot herself in the foot in that area^

😲
That is a truly offensive comment, happycatholicwife1

There are many people who cannot have children even if they want them and they may brush off other people's insensitive comments with excuses such as the OP's friend used as a form of defence.

Well said Callistermon. Such an uncharitable remark from a Christian woman. happycatholicwifeshould apologise to all childless women.

Callistemon21 Tue 21-Feb-23 13:02:58

Thanks Aldom, I must say that I was shocked at such an insensitive comment.

LadyHonoriaDedlock Tue 21-Feb-23 13:33:51

Maybe I've got this wrong but I thought the role of godparents was to oversee the proper Christian upbringing of children, meaning in practice from what I've been able to see that they are extra aunts and uncles who give presents at birthdays and Christmas. I wasn't aware that the responsibilities extended into adulthood.

I never had godparents myself as I was baptised as a baby into a dissenting (Methodist) tradition so I really only know about them from young Anglican friends in my childhood. I certainly didn't think there were any reciprocal, non-spiritual responsibilities for the godchild.