Role of Godchildren

I was thinking more of decision making and checking no-one is emptying your bank account, not changing your nappy. If a person needs care then that's another matter. It's just nice for someone to be making those decisions and keeping an eye out if the elderly person has lost their marbles.

😁

I would ignore what your friend has said she sounds to me as if she is in a low place herself.
The role of God parent can be taken seriously or not. I would never consider the role as a replacement carer or expect godchildren to look after me.
My godmother was a second mother to me, she helped often when I was a teenager when I was in trouble at home.
My godfather never thought about it again, his children did not know he was.
My godmother's husband took up the role and was brilliant.
I have two godchildren neither of whom I really know I was in the right place at the right time to be asked.
I think your friend is just venting her temper and disappointment at anyone and probably doesn't even remember what she has said.
Sorry for your loss.

I would not expect my Godson to look after me. He has his own mother who needs help.

I think Godparents are given a role, not the other way round. If she goes ahead and speaks to her godchildren, I think she will totally alienate them.

That is so sad that she never had children to spite her MIL, she has missed out on so much and must be a nice lady or wouldn’t be a godmother to so many children .

Surely this about what the Godparents will do for a child and not what the child will do for them? I’m no longer in touch with my Godchildren who are now in their 40s. This is down to me for not keeping in contact with them. They have no obligation towards me whatsoever.

1summer, is your friend perhaps starting with dementia? Godparents take some responsibility for children - but no 'return' should ever be expected. If she's thinking of upcoming care needs, she'll have to make appropriate arrangements, just like anyone else - or maybe ask for help to do so. She can't (and shouldn't) expect any one individual to care for her.

Being a godparent is an honor; it’s not supposed to be a burden for the godchild. Her expectations are not reasonable and way out of line.

A godchild is not a grandchild.

As a God parent you are supposed to guide & help your God child on the right path in life , no they are not their to be your carers at all ... you are privileged when asked to be a God parent , also I was under the impression if anything happened to the parents, you would look after them, but obviously , no doubt wouldn't go to the God parents , as no doubt relatives would do this ... personally ignore her ... or out of curiosity Google role of God parents

Gosh, I have 19 Godchildren and not a single expectation of any of them! (Though many of them are very kind and have continued to keep in regular touch long after my role could be said to have run its course.)

I do hope you are able to find a way of maintaining your long held friendship.

Coincidentally, my god daughter texted yesterday. She's up from London and wants to bring her new baby to meet me. Am looking forward to seeing them next week. I can't have failed completely.

Hope you have a lovely day Aveline.

So very sorry for the loss of your husband Isummer 🌹

Thank you silverlining48

As you said Isummer that her words were atypical of her I would imagine they were spoken in a stressful moment - the recent loss of her relative for whom she cared; she was perhaps having a moment ( or two) of self-pity. I agree with all the posts that the promises are made by the godparents and that godchildren have zero duty to them.
As in most relationships some adults respond generously to kindness and others not so much; such is life.
My own experience with our adult children's godparents is that where the godparent was present in their life the adult godchild has a relationship and on occasion visits the godparent bringing token gifts of flowers/ wine; where the godparent didn't bother there is no relationship and hence no visits/gifts.
Dh & I have been conscientious and generous godparents to our niece ( now in her 40s) who has never acknowledged us in any way. We both found this hurtful as we both love her.
Both of us would be abhorred to presume anyone in the family including our own adult children would be our carers as we age and have made provision for care if it's needed.
At the same time we are blessed that our adult children are caring, generous individuals who are more than happy to help out where & whenever their busy lives allow.
I think isummer you said your daughter was fond of your friend as a godmother so there appears to be good-will there. I wouldn't spoil that by mentioning to your daughter something that you probably know was said in haste/heat.
Your friend was feeling particularly lonely and as another poster suggested was just venting.
I too am sure her comments as to her childless state were bravado.
Women often feel shame & obliged to explain why they have no children.
Shame on those who make them feel that way.

Sadly, she sounds like a dreadful and bitter woman ! I’d “warn” your daughter just in case

Every time an older person on Mumsnet or Gransnet gets a bit assertive someone suggests it could be the "start of dementia".

I think she is probably very frightened of dying alone and testing out as to whether there is a possibility that a godchild might help her.
However I don't think that excuses her lack of empathy for your or your DD's grief and mourning...
sending much sympathy and well wishes at this terrible time

biglouis

Every time an older person on Mumsnet or Gransnet gets a bit assertive someone suggests it could be the "start of dementia".

Yes, dismissive, isn't it!

She doesn't sound as if she's getting dementia.
But she does sound rather selfish and demanding.

Her expectations of what being a Godmother means are unrealistic.
What kind of Godmother was she anyway?

Somw examples cannot be called assertive at all
Entitled, irrational, selfish, old fashioned

Well thank you all for all your advise and comments. I had an interesting conversation with my friend on Friday. After about an hour of having a nice chat, I said could we just go back to what she said about godchildren as I wanted to say I was very hurt about the conversation. I think she genuinely didn’t know what I was talking about, I reminded her of what she said and she was shocked and upset about her comments and maybe she was trying to make a silly joke but realises it wasn’t funny.
She was very apologetic about this and said the only thing she could think of is that some new medication she is on for her heart has made her very spaced out and unable to sleep and she has days when she feels unable to cope. But she has a hospital review this week.
She said she wouldn’t want to hurt me for the world also my daughter.
She also said her will is very complicated having no children and very few of her godchildren are included anyway. Also she expects not much money to be left as her and husband have been thinking of moving into a luxury sheltered housing estate. We ended the conversation on good terms as I wouldn’t want to lose her as a friend as she has been very good to me during husbands illness and death and generally is a kind and generous person.

So pleased you've spoken to her about this 1summer and have cleared the air.

I can see how being in bad health and worry about the future could lead to her thinking along those lines due to fear.

But please be careful, something feels a little off in her response to you Friday after you expressed your hurt to her.