I wonder what kind of person is this friend? She didn't have children to spite her MIL ! As for being cared for by godchildren, do you think she maybe said these things to you hoping you would mention to your daughter who would then rush round to care for her?
In any event you are grieving a great loss (me too) and I wouldn't have expected to have to listen to what is basically a criticism of my own child.
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Role of Godchildren
(110 Posts)My very good friend of over 40 years is now suffering from bad health and becoming increasingly housebound. Her and her husband never had children - she always said it was to spite her MIL who constantly asked. Both her and her husband came from large families and she has numerous nieces and nephews but also she has 12 godchildren,!! Including my own daughter.
She was recently saying to me how disappointed she is in her godchildren how they rarely visit or contact her and how she expected these people to look after her now she is getting old.
Most of them have families, elderly parents, stressful jobs and lives. She said to me that she is going to tell them they will be taken out of her will unless they step up to the mark!
I was horrified and will feel very upset if she says anything to my daughter. My daughter is absolutely not expecting anything from her in her will, she has always thanked her for any gifts she gave her and is often invited to family events and celebrations. But my daughter nor myself have ever thought about a caring role.
I will fall out with her if she says anything to my daughter who is at the moment grieving for her Dad (my husband) who died recently aswell as coping with a new job and a 3 year old.
I really don’t know what to say to her.
Thank you mumofmadboys and callistemon 🙂
It sounds to me as if your friend is hoping you will speak to your daughter and urge her to do more. You won't of course because you understand the parent role and how much your DD is coping with just now. If you could just put the whole thing out of your mind it might be best. Perhaps drop into your talks sometime info about your children and how you don't expect them to care for you. Although she probably won't take the hint.
She couldn't be joking could she? My dad used to threaten sometimes to cut us out of his will. We knew it was a joke and he'd left everything to my mum.
The flipside to this is that she does not owe & is not duty-bound to leave her godchildren anything material or otherwise. Even a simple farewell letter to all in her will would be enough. Meanwhile she can spend all her wealth on the care & appropriate social life that she needs
I think its rather sad, your friend is frightened of her future while you are grieving. Take care of yourself 
If she had had a child maybe she would be a nicer person.
She sounds like a bitter old bat,i would not have anything to do with someone like that.
I only found out a few years ago my Aunt was my Godmother.
And my children have no Godparents due to them not being christened.
It`s outdated imo.
Your daughter's godmother certainly has very odd expectations of the role any young people these days play in the lives of their elders!
I am very sorry that this discussion with her has cropped up just when you and your daughter are grieving for your husband and father. Like everyone else I am sorry for your loss.
I am 71 and to me the days of elders expecting to be looked after in their old age by their children, nieces, nephews or god-children were over and done with when my grandparents were of retirement age.
This might be a way of broaching the subject to your friend, if you feel up to doing so. I doubt though that you will influence her in any way, so I would save myself the trouble, if I were you.
What I would do, is mention the subject to your daughter - making it very clear how unreasonable her godmother is being in this matter.
I realise that your daughter, like you, is coping with a lot of emotional issues right now, but if there is the slightest risk of her godmother coming out with the spiel she has given you to your daughter, you would do well to warn her.
The risk of your poor daughter being taken unawares and therefore promising something that she neither could nor should be expected to take on would worry me.
Discuss this with her, so she is forewarned.
If the matter is brought up again both you and she need to stand firm and tell the godmother that neither of you can or are able to care for her. If you feel you can manage to do so, you could offer to put her in touch with those who can. Just don't be led into making definite arrangements on her behalf.
If you do so, and they do not suit this woman (which however good they are is almost certain to be the case) she will make it very plain that this is your fault!
I agree with others here who say that it's a bit insensitive of your friend to talk about this whilst you are so recently bereaved. Please accept my condolences.
I've never heard of godchildren caring for godparents, and my children have great, interested godparents. Mine were baptised because we planned to bring them to church, which we did. Interestingly, I have heard of vocal atheists baptising their children because of schools...
.
The sudden conversion of parents of 8/9/10 year olds to religion is very popular around here chocolate.
Even earlier in the case of pre primary school children.
MerylStreep
The clue was there when she told you the reason she didn’t have children. Nothing should have come as a surprise after that revelation.
Agree! I wouldn’t have missed having children for anything, despite the fact my M-in-law was desperate for grandchildren! (And I have to acknowledge she was a brilliant granny!)
Hithere
Very sorry for your loss
Glad she didn't have children, with the unrealistic expectations she has
Is this the first time she expresses ideas like this?
A person doesn't become so entitled out of the blue, the will threat is a classic manipulative move
Talking to her might not work at all.
It is nice you want to shield your daughter but she is an adult, she can handle this herself
This.
Sadly your friend souds like a nasty piece of work.
Thats harsh. She sounds frightened to me. Not a nasty piece of work.
She sounds like my late mil archaic!
I think the kindest thing I could bring myself to say about her is that it sounds as though she could have early signs of dementia. I feel that there should never be any obligation on anybody to look after someone elderly. If our relatives have been kind people then of course we are only too happy to help them.
Am told by DD that although few of her friends have had their child baptised, they still talk about people as the child’s godparents. It seems a shorthand for “really good friends” for some people?
I was looking for godparent cards once for church and came across one which said “Please be my godparent so you can teach me to drink and swear “. 😱
Your friends behaviour sounds like it is changing. Maybe she needs professional help. These could be signs of dementia.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Isummer - you should not have this to cope with as well. If the remark about not having children to spite her mother in law is/was not a joke, I think this is a rather odd and maybe not very nice lady. Her attitude to her godchildren may be a sign of some type of dementia, although as I understand it that's more likely in the later stages. Protect yourself from this woman, you and your daughter need kind friends now.
Sorry but I agree with her
Who is there for you in your hours of need deserves
Those who are not deserve nothing
🤔
If she needs carers and has no family to do it she will have to contact the Adult Care Services in her area. In which case, there wont be much left to leave in her will anyway.
Some very harsh comments here. Everyone needs someone to bat for them if they are unable to make decisions due to mental decline. Either a child, nephew or niece needs to step up or the person will either die alone and neglected or will be taken over by social services, in which case no-one will be around to keep an eye on them.
I know an unmarried male aged 73 who has two estranged nieces. They won't help him, although they know he's completely alone in the world.
We (neighbours) are currently trying to find the estranged only son of an 85 year old woman with severe dementia who lives alone and needs to go into care. She has completely lost her marbles, so someone needs to make decisions for her.
. Either a child, nephew or niece needs to step up
Perhaps but it is not the role of a Godchild as they do not have a role.
It's up to Godparents to step up if the child is in need of guidance when young and the parents are unable to help.
Agreed, I never said godchildren have any obligation because they don't, only sons, daughters, nephews or nieces. Maybe grandchildren if they are the only blood relatives.
I don't want any of them cleaning me up.
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