How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

It's always the same names on every thread

When it is targeted at me even though othets are saying the same thing it certainly feels personal

Im just trying to help OP though, these relationships matter and when they are damaged it's so hard to come back.

I'm not styling myself as an expert on anything though and im not defending rude behaviour. I just know one fundamental truth, we cannot change others, only ourselves yet sometimes changing ourselves has a positive outcome with others

Also teens are teens lol

VioletSky

I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone

The days of giving respect to get respect are here

Disagree, my children would never have been so disrespectful. If they did not like something fair enough, but they would still have said thankyou to their Grandma.
If my children had behaved in such a disrespectful way, they would have really been told off,them asked to apologise to Grandma. I am sick of people pandering to brattish behaviour.

I'm not styling myself as an expert on anything though and im not defending rude behaviour

That's very much how you're coming across though.

Cool

I'd advise not talking to me then, I won't mind

Now can we stop turning innocent OPs threads into arguments and let people give their own advice and move on?

I think it's best to carry on giving gifts and ignore the rude behaviour. Hopefully they will learn good manners in the future but don't make it your job to teach them as you may jeopardise your relationship. If the family give you gifts you can say thank you in their hearing without making a big thing of it.

Very good post @ 18.39 Elegran

What is NOT helpful to the grandmother, or anyone else in the family, is to assume a hectoring tone which instantly puts the poster in the wrong and elevates the child to seem a victim of a cold uncaring grandmother - a professional counsellor would not do that.

I can't see GM rushing to chat with someone who casts them as the villain of the piece.

We've always taken the grandkids out to choose their birthday gifts. The toy shop when they were younger, now they are 11 and 13 it's Primark or New look . Always get lots of hugs and thank you's , we are close though. They are my daughters children and we are the only grandparents

If one of ny teens did something like this, I would be all over them.

My MIL is distant from my children ( her choice to not know them personally). She sends them gifts every birthday that are never appropriate, because she doesn't know them. I still parent them to know that acknowledging a gift is what to do. And they would NEVER return a gift.

This sounds like a parenting problem, not a "teen" problem.

So my answer is to contact my own child (the parent) and let them know that there will be no gifts going forward due to this behavior and let them deal with the teens.

It is targetted at you, VS because no-one else has been so hard on the OP - almost as though you had personal experience of her "distance" It was your post that was condemnatory of the Op for being "distant" after only a few other replies, and ignoring one sentence in her post "Yes, she is a teenager, but it goes beyond that."

You are not being specially chosen for criticism, you are being reminded not to interpret another person's story purely in terms of what you imagine it to be all about - the shortcomings of the poster - or what it would be about if the child were you.

Aww this was sad to read OP. I agree with the above poster, imaround in that it sounds like a ‘parenting’ problem. I’d definitely speak with the parent and share how this felt.

I haven't been at all hard on the OP

I've asked a couple of questions and given some advice

I haven't made any personal comments against anyone on this thread and I would not trust those who do to give advice on important relationships though

Hithere

Yammy

That is a personal attack

What is?

Debbi58

We've always taken the grandkids out to choose their birthday gifts. The toy shop when they were younger, now they are 11 and 13 it's Primark or New look . Always get lots of hugs and thank you's , we are close though. They are my daughters children and we are the only grandparents

This works really well doesn't it

VioletSky

Smileless as ever I am happy to talk to the OP not those speaking for them

Thank you

I’m sorry, but I find that response rude.

rafichagran

VioletSky

I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone

The days of giving respect to get respect are here

Disagree, my children would never have been so disrespectful. If they did not like something fair enough, but they would still have said thankyou to their Grandma.
If my children had behaved in such a disrespectful way, they would have really been told off,them asked to apologise to Grandma. I am sick of people pandering to brattish behaviour.

I agree rafichagran and I'm waiting to see if someone reports me for agreeing and gets my post deleted like my others. When many others say exactly the same thing.
I think I am being trolled. Beware, everyone.

I haven't reported anything

But that comment breaks guidelines too Yammy

I'm just a person, and not a bad one, stop creating monsters

You can tell by the response of certain posters that they don’t know the meaning of respect, one person even saying there must be a problem with the grandparent for not having a good relationship with their loved grandchildren. They don’t know the circumstances. Parent lead the way as to how much access grandparents have to their grandchildren, there are a lot of embittered controlling mothers.
Agent, you are quite rightly upset by such bad manners, why don’t you ring the child and ask what she meant. We don’t give to receive but common courtesy doesn’t hurt. I cannot understand the poster who says they expect no acknowledgement, their gifts. As if anyone would year after year would send money without a simple acknowledgement in return. They obviously don’t need anything so give it to the NSPC.

mumofmadboys

I think it's best to carry on giving gifts and ignore the rude behaviour. Hopefully they will learn good manners in the future but don't make it your job to teach them as you may jeopardise your relationship. If the family give you gifts you can say thank you in their hearing without making a big thing of it.

This

So did I maddy as well as untrue.

One thing I have learned is respond don't react

A response would be explaining that feelings were hurt and saying that you would like to make sure they enjoy your gifts in future but would appreciate a thank you

A reaction would be not sending gifts in future

Respect goes 2 ways

Give and you shall receive

Rudeness or trying to disengage from yet another unwanted argument?

I know the right answer

rafichagran, I completely agree with you. I was brought up to believe that a present wasn't really yours until you had said thank you for it, and passed that sentiment on to my own children. Respect may go two ways, but as I said in an earlier response, manners cost nothing, and it's simply good manners and courtesy to thank someone for a gift (even if you didn't like it!).

mumofmadboys

I think it's best to carry on giving gifts and ignore the rude behaviour. Hopefully they will learn good manners in the future but don't make it your job to teach them as you may jeopardise your relationship. If the family give you gifts you can say thank you in their hearing without making a big thing of it.

I agree with you.

I don't think anyone is defending rude behaviour

But as adults we should be able to respond well to it

VioletSky

I haven't reported anything

But that comment breaks guidelines too Yammy

I'm just a person, and not a bad one, stop creating monsters

Which guidelines we don't get a chance to answer you back. w You take up 50% of the posts telling us where we are all going wrong and what a marvellous life we would lead if we follow life advice according to VS. Who is to say you are right when the majority of us disagree with your theories?
If this goes I give up. I am not creating monsters and don't accuse me of doing so if you think I am then they are your thoughts not mine.