How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

Agent007. How very hurtful and so rude. I really cannot understand how any GC could be so ungracious having received a gift from his/her grandparents. We are very fortunate to be grandparents to 4 girls and 2 boys. It becomes a little difficult to choose birthday and Christmas gifts, which we really would like them to enjoy and appreciate. So, the GCs make lists and we then liaise with other family members so thee are no duplications. It seems to work and they all send notes of thanks. It’s how I brought up my own children. I think VS you are on a different planet. C’est la vie!

Allsorts spot on 👍

“ It's always the same names on every thread” - you don’t often see my name on these threads, do you, VS?

I feel compelled to respond to your unpleasant insinuations, your value judgements of the OP: “You don't seem to know them well enough”…” The days of giving respect to get respect are here” (are you suggesting Agent isn’t respectful of her DGC?)…” Expecting a level of respect from children just for being an adult is wrong” (OP did not suggest this).

“I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone”. Well my son and DiL wouldn’t agree with you.
“ I haven't been at all hard on the OP”. Oh, I think you have.

I’ve been in your shoes, OP. One never said thank you, the other disdainfully pushed an unopened present out of her way, overlooked it and left without it.
One year the former bemoaned others’ ingratitude at her generosity. When I joined in the conversation - the irony of the situation highly apparent to those around us - she became even more enthusiastic yet still the penny didn’t drop. Her mother silently and knowingly observed, having given up herself.
🤷‍♀️
Whilst I haven’t had this situation as a grandmother, the advice from PP to put £10 in a card seems wise.

Yammy

I just want to give my advice and move on

I'm not starting any arguments only defending from statements directed at me or quoting me

I literally doing nothing except being different

Total pile on

One of my cousins had a granddaughter who she brought on holiday with her. The girl was a brat and 12 years old. One afternoon it was arranged that 7 members of the family go out for afternoon tea. The child had to come and threw one almighty temper tantrum. I had arranged to meet the other members of the family at the arranged hotel. After waiting for an hour I left. Their excuse, said granddaughter was having a wobbly. If she had been on holiday with me I would have torn a strip off her and blown the consequences. My cousin however always takes the line of least resistance and her family treat her like a cash cow. I would not want to be popular but as I am the adult and the child the child I think reading the riot act is well within my rights rather than tolerating a brat.

VS time to get the glass of vino out and put your feet up, let the dust settle eh? tomorrow is another day

I’m not the kind of person who piles on. Being different is wonderful; being unkind isn’t.
If you don’t like me quoting back what you’ve written, I’d advise you to be more thoughtful in future. End of.

Sassanach512

VS time to get the glass of vino out and put your feet up, let the dust settle eh? tomorrow is another day

I'll settle for rum 😊

I've told people before I'm not neurotypical and don't mean to come accross badly or be misunderstood

I'm giving my genuine advice and trying to help

Not interested in reciprocating the nastiness

You might well be trying to help OP but you haven’t come over well.

That's a very fair post Nannagarra.

Total pile on Seems to happen to you quite a lot doesn't it? But there's a big difference in being different and being plain downright rude which you have been to several people, including the OP on here. That's why posters have taken the time and trouble to kindly point that out to you. Be kind.

Thank you Hermother. You’ve echoed my thoughts.

I didn't notice the OP specifically asking for advice/help Violetsky. Sometimes it's best to keep our thoughts/opinions to ourselves.

Are you being guided by what I have said or others interpretations?

Please worry about your own behaviour before judging me

I haven't meant to upset anyone

If OP is upset I'll apologise and explain

I'm pretty upset now if that counts for anything

VioletSky

Are you being guided by what I have said or others interpretations?

Please worry about your own behaviour before judging me

Is this addressed to me?

As I’ve quoted you, be assured I’m guided entirely by what you’ve said. Yes, it is causing me to judge you. I’ve tried to appreciate that the impression you’ve given does not match your intention but you’re still coming back fighting, aren’t you?

I’m totally calm but you don’t seem to be.

Hope you are not upset because of comments on this thread. Just not worth it.

But I do think it takes two to tango- three in fact, three generations, and respect all round. Shouldn't be just respect from GPs for ACs and GCs- but the other way round too. Same for communication.

Sassanach512

VS time to get the glass of vino out and put your feet up, let the dust settle eh? tomorrow is another day

Excellent advice.

Fleurpepper

Hope you are not upset because of comments on this thread. Just not worth it.

But I do think it takes two to tango- three in fact, three generations, and respect all round. Shouldn't be just respect from GPs for ACs and GCs- but the other way round too. Same for communication.

Totally agree

OP, I’d have joined the advice to just send a token tenner and a card.
I ask my DGC or their parents, what they would like. If it’s more than I can afford, I send money with a note to say I’d love to know what they use it for.
I can understand you being upset by your DGC, but don’t be upset by comments on here.

Is this going to be {yet] anopther thread where a poster never returns? I find those situations tedious.
I wondered when I posted whether that was going to be the case.

I am puzzled by this problem and think there is more to it than meets the eye.

For grandchildren who cannot be bothered to say thank you to go to the effort of returning presents, suggests to me a parent behind the scene doing some organising and chasing.

In a family where grandparents, parents and grandchildren have a close and happy relationship, family members do not behave like this and if they did the matter would be discussed.

I think what we have here is a description of events that are the result, not the cause of any existing fractured relationship.

fancythat

Is this going to be {yet] anopther thread where a poster never returns? I find those situations tedious.
I wondered when I posted whether that was going to be the case.

That’s exactly what I am thinking.
I read the entire thread, almost totally certain that the opening poster wouldn’t post again.

If you are reading Agent, I’d like to know what the presents were, the ones that were returned.

That is a rather hostile action in my opinion, far worse than a present going unacknowledged

Monica, I agree with you. There’s a lot going on here.
It would be helpful if the op returned.
You wonder if you’re just whistling in the wind tbh…

I am a big fan of positive reinforcement. My grandchildren’s manners are impeccable with me, not quite so much elsewhere (although they are good children on the whole). I gently remind the on every single occasion they forget, but equally important I praise them and thank them when they do remember. I try not to raise my voice and to speak to them as I would like to be spoken to. My eldest grandsons are 15 and 13, the littles are 9(f) and 6(m). The 13 year old is going through an interesting phase, one word answers to everything. He is neither rude, or disrespectful, just monosyllabic. I am assuming he will grow out of it. The two oldest I just give money to for presents, I would prefer not to, but it makes sense. Your grandchildren are older, but positive reinforcement works no matter what the age as long as you are careful not to patronise.