How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

FannyCornforth

fancythat

Is this going to be {yet] anopther thread where a poster never returns? I find those situations tedious.
I wondered when I posted whether that was going to be the case.

That’s exactly what I am thinking.
I read the entire thread, almost totally certain that the opening poster wouldn’t post again.

If you are reading Agent, I’d like to know what the presents were, the ones that were returned.

That is a rather hostile action in my opinion, far worse than a present going unacknowledged

I hesitated to post in the first instance.
It takes everyone time, to be thoughtful and hopefully helpful.
Now I have got older, I am a lot more thoughtful about how I choose to spend my own time.

Of course, there could be a very good reason why the op has not yet replied to anyone.

That puzzled me too M0nica that presents could be returned!
It's hard enough posting them so they arrive in time.

My latest gift to 8 yr old arrived broken so I had to have another one sent. Quite a faff

Teenagers are tricky to buy for but I wouldn't be offended by the thx.
I think it shows a relaxed attitude to present giving.
You are keeping the communications open which is good. Just keep it simple a tenner in a card will suffice.

I very much feel for you, not really any excuse for being so rude.
But buying for teenagers is practically impossible.
I’ve got two thirteen year old granddaughters, one lived with us for years. I know their favourite shops, but I wouldn’t buy as much as a T-shirt without checking with them, I’d be 100% certain of getting it wrong.
If I bought a surprise present, I would always enclose the receipt, and say feel free to get something you prefer, but I would be very cross if they just gave it back unwanted.
You relationship does sound a bit strained, next time why not take them out to choose their own present, get lunch, make a day of it.

Call me cynical (), but do teenagers still use txtspk? That was the 90s when texts were limited to a few characters. My lot used to send indecipherable txts in those days but it’s more effort to keep over-riding the autocorrect now😂

This has the ring of a ‘this’ll get them going’ post to me. There are several on the go, but it’s the Easter holidays.

I have been wondering about the mechanics of giving gifts back.
Who does this?
Children, especially teenagers, are unlikely to put much effort in.
Did you, 007, say it/they could be exchanged?

I'm not bothered about written "thank yous" anymore - I think those are rarer these days - but a text message (more than yours), or a verbal one should really be little effort.

NotSpaghetti
I agree, I can’t imagine any of mine returning anytime, it would be way too much effort. It would just be shoved in a drawer somewhere, never to see the light of day.

Not anytime, anything

I have had something given back once when I bought something expensive for my daughter that I knew was a risk!
She was told firmly to return it to me if "not her thing" though - so a bit different.

I was wondering if something like "I'll exchange it if you don't like it" had been said.

I give them money and a token gift for the little ones. Teenagers get money and a nice card.

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My teenagers very much use text speak but even harder to figure out is that they now use emoji speak or communicate in gifts which are short soundless videos with a text overlay.

My daughter is very chatty in person but when I'm trying to be mum taxi and figure out where and when she needs picking up I often get one word answers that don't give me enough information

Not easy when you are a wordy person lol

VioletSky

My teenagers very much use text speak but even harder to figure out is that they now use emoji speak or communicate in gifts which are short soundless videos with a text overlay.

My daughter is very chatty in person but when I'm trying to be mum taxi and figure out where and when she needs picking up I often get one word answers that don't give me enough information

Not easy when you are a wordy person lol

Do they? Mine gave it up when you could send War and peace via text, but they haven't been teenagers for a while. I remember my daughter texting me from Glasto ages ago saying she had 'gt brnt lgs'. I had no idea what she meant. It turned out that she had got burnt legs

I tried to write something in txtspk in my last post, but autocorrect wasn't having it. It feels like a lot of effort to go to for something that is meant to save time.

Common ones I see are

LMK (let me know)
AFK (away from keyboard)
BRB (be right back)
NVM (never mind)
AFAIK (as far as I know)

The emoji speak, I have not learned any of this language lol

My AC use a boy of text and emoji speak to each other in the family whatsapp but I get full sentences now

Autocorrect is the worst AC use a bit of text speak

Oh yes, I get (and use) the acronyms, but not the abbreviated text speak of old.

Maybe thx is somewhere in between, though.

Hi Doodledog, my Gdaughter uses 'thx' in Whatsapps, so it is still in vogue.

They’d be getting vouchers for useful things (Eg book tokens, stationery, Boots etc) till they were 18 if they’d rudely returned my presents!

I always ask the parents what they'd like - or just send a voucher (via email) so that they can choose for themselves.

I don't expect a formal thank you letter or phone call (those we were made to do as children - and resented) as we're much more relaxed and casual these days.

I often think that presents are more about the giver, anyway, as we all have so much now. I give because I want to - but there's never any obligation!

My grandchildren and from 14 to 24 years old. Ever since they stopped wanting toys, I have always asked them what they would like for Birthdays and Xmas and offered a fixed amount of money instead if that's what they wanted. Prior to that I always either knew what they were into or asked their mothers. They have always either said thank you or text me thanks. Not tks. I blame their parents, sorry if this upsets you but I do.

Well my grandson was 16 yesterday and my son-in-law sent me a Video text of him opening the first of the quite inexpensive little presents I bought for him….he knows my financial circumstances have changed drastically lately. There he was sitting crossed legged on the sofa opening pressie number one , that looked like a belated calendar in shape…. and from under his new hoodie , his face lit up as he saw what I’d got him …a metal Anfield Road sign for his bedroom( Liverpool FC fan) ..it cost £9 …and he was ecstatic and threw himself at the phone that was filming , and kissed the screen. I have never had one moment of rudeness from either of them and not one time when they failed to thank me ….yesterday he did forget , but his reaction said it all!! I do not understand your grandchildren’s upbringing g that has allowed them to be rude to a grandparent…. being a teenager is no excuse. I’m sorry you’ve been so hurt …💐

I’m not a grandparent yet, but my children actually write thank you letters so will expect that tradition to be passed on through to their children if and when they have them. Not only is it just good manners but showing gratitude is something we should all do more.

Maremia

Hi Doodledog, my Gdaughter uses 'thx' in Whatsapps, so it is still in vogue.

Nothing wrong with this if it is part of a proper message. On its own, it is very rude, teenager or not- vogue or no vogue.

….buying for teenagers isn’t difficult if you take an all round interest in thier doings and goings on . If that fails …ASK!!

Easy no thank you…no gift!

The reason children are rude and don't appreciate what they are given is because people pander to them. Therefore they don't learn. Hopefully when they have children of their own they will realise how rude and thankful they have been.