How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

So sorry to hear how they’ve treated you. Teenagers or not there’s no need for rudeness. My DD would never allow my GDs to spk to me like that or treat me that way. If it was me I’d definitely stop sending them anything it just teaches them it’s ok to treat you like that.

We always ask the AC what the GC would like for birthdays and Christmas - mostly they opt for the cash to put towards something they're saving for. We either get a text message or often a letter of thanks from everyone of them and we encouraged the exact behaviour when the AC were growing upon. Manners cost nothing - being ill mannered will cost them dearly.

That must be really hurtful. To return the gifts is beyond rude. What are the parents doing to allow this? I would speak to them about it... both adults and kids, say you feel hurt and also let the kids know that if they continue to act they way they are, ie no acknowledgement or thanks, you won't be giving them anything more. If the parents aren't teaching them manners maybe this will.

But I would never buy an actual present for them unless you have asked them what they want. They are VERY fussy these days and it's money down the drain otherwise.

Many kids these days have 'wish lists' on Amazon... you could get something from there. Also perhaps phone them up and have a conversation about what they would like. That is contact that should be a nice thing. If they are rude just say you'll put the phone down.

i would not give them either presents or money if parents ask why tell them the truth about how upsetting you find their rudeness if they don't like it then its their own fault

Stop giving anything to the ungrateful little sods!

I am not convinced that gifts have been returned, simply because most teenagers couldn't be ar*ed to go to the Post Office and would have a fit at the cost ! So,if as is likely, the unwanted gifts have been discarded into the bottom of a wardrobe, how do you know? Who told you?

We always ask what they would like for their birthdays, so sorry to hear that your gc are routinely rude to you! Just because they are teenagers there is never a reason to be rude. Our Ac wouldn’t allow rudeness. I wouldn’t be sending them anything!

Op says gc are routinely rude to her

What other instances are there?

The presents could just be the tip of the iceberg

It's all in the upbringing. My daughter in law has never thanked me for a gift and often gave away gifts I sent my grandchildren when they were small if she didn't like them. I enjoy knitting and have made countless jumpers / cardis for my grandchildren that they never got to wear. Extremely hurtful and disrespectful. Finally I've stopped giving. Their loss.

Fae1

A present given to somebody is not a promise to use it or wear it

We see this issue in handmade items all the time - they are not appreciated as expected by the giver

Don’t send any more. Tell them you are not prepared to tolerate their uncivil behaviour.

Hurtful for you OP. I think I'd say I was stumped as to what to buy them so could they choose from, for example, the goat, chicken, loo, water etc offered as gifts by Oxfam (other charities exist 🤣). Choose the amount you want to spend and they can then at least realise actions have consequences and that others would appreciate your generosity a lot more.

Easy to say, don’t buy anymore presents.
I did that with my nieces, because I was sick of never getting an acknowledgement, or my brother bothering with my children, something would usually turn up eventually, but obviously no thought at all had gone into it.
I regret it now, it seems childish behaviour on my part.

Your post has saddened me. As a new grandmother I wonder if my granddaughter will react the same way when she’s a teenager. You mentioned grandchildren - do they all behave the same way? Do you have more than one child? Just wondering what the family dynamics are.

Just read a few of your old posts, you said you'd returned a present that your grandson (I think?) didn't like and you'd give him the money instead?
Maybe she thought you'd do the same with her?

I'd take your DDs advice on board and not buy them anything as she was right, they won't like it. Give them the money instead and they can buy something they want.

Children are awkward to buy for when they get older.

I have experienced my monetary gifts being ignored by my nieces and nephews. This goes back to when they were children and their parents did not even say thanks on their behalf. As young adults they did not thank me for their wedding gifts. I can’t get replies to invites to family events like weddings , Christenings, Ruby Weddings and their cousins 40 th that were all catered events so end up paying for their food. I have tried and tried. I’m always blanked so I’m not even going to ask about them now. Sure as eggs they won’t come to my funeral or their uncles. I do feel sad about it but I must get over myself!

PoppyBlue

Just read a few of your old posts, you said you'd returned a present that your grandson (I think?) didn't like and you'd give him the money instead?
Maybe she thought you'd do the same with her?

I'd take your DDs advice on board and not buy them anything as she was right, they won't like it. Give them the money instead and they can buy something they want.

Children are awkward to buy for when they get older.

I remember the old posts but didn't know if I was allowed to mention them

Think I advised giving something that any child likes like sweets to open and some money on top

Things haven't improved

When my grandchildren were young I got a big list now they are in there teens I give cash and buy something to open ,if cannot be bothered telling me what they want so be it

Goodness me, it seems rather harsh to blame the OP. The grandchildren's behaviour is simply not acceptable, you don't return gifts you don't like to the sender!!
What are their parents thinking of letting them behave like that?
Do you see your grandchildren at all?

My two oldest, young adults now get money, the next three, I buy only exactly what they ask for, only the little one do I still have the pleasure of choosing presents for.

I thought it wasn't the best or nicest thing to do (returning a gift) but if OP has done it in the past for 1 grandchild, she could of thought she would do the same for her.

Similar thing happens with my GC. Anyway it's just cards from now on.
I have pulled them up, kindly , on cell phone use at meals out and when asked how they are, telling them it's expected that they'll ask after the other person. All accepted with a smile from them.

Shocking behaviour from grandchildren. Returning your gifts to them is plain bad manners. I wonder if their behaviour is a recent change or has it always been like this and just got worse? I would stop buying them anything and if they ever asked then just tell them why. Of course this could cause a lot of family disharmony or even a falling out with your daughter which you may not want to face. The alternative is money for every gift and hope for a thank you. Your decision.

Children learn by example and depending on how old they are, this is something their parents should be addressing.
If they are teenagers or older, I see nothing wrong with calmly saying you don’t seem to be choosing presents they like or perhaps they are not receiving them as you never seem to get an acknowledgement, so from now on it will be cards only.
Tough love.

Despite have five children between us and a “blended” family we have just one grandson, my beloved step/daughters son now coming up to 9 - he’s always polite as constantly prompted to do so by his parents and when is he “rude” if in our home we call it out ! We wouldn’t tolerate rudeness in our own children and won’t accept it from our grandson - despite this we all enjoy good family relationships, I think honestly and openness is the key and explaining to our dear offspring what us and isn’t acceptable to us 😊