Food bank rollercoaster. Huge empathy to Fury!! Is it just me?

Primrose53

I could never in a million years imagine collecting food for my kids from a food bank but spending £40 getting my nails done or anything else like Tattoos, Red Bull, cigarettes etc.

Even dressing it up as “a wee boost” to myself wouldn’t cut it! My biggest boost would be seeing my kids happy and well fed, they would always come before my own wants.

How could any Mother watch their kids go off to school with no breakfast because she has spent £40 getting her nails done?

A comment after my own heart.

Where in this long thread, has anyone said that children going to school hungry (and, sadly yes there are far too many who are these days), have Mums who are spending on having their nails done????? Talk about adding 2 plus 2 and making 5!!!!

I have NEVER been to a nail bar, but understand that gel nails last for several weeks, so that forty pound charge is probably working out less than a fiver a week!!!! I have, sadly, been in the position of having to bring up a family on benefits and eeking out a small amount of money to provide meals, clothes and entertainment for my children. Week on week, month on month.......and I know the toll it took on my own mental and physical health!!! Fortunately, this was all a long time ago for me, but will never forget it. Anything that could have given me some sort of boost would have been worth while just to keep me going!!

Until someone has actually walked on the shoes of those who are struggling, perhaps they should not criticise.

Franbern

Where in this long thread, has anyone said that children going to school hungry (and, sadly yes there are far too many who are these days), have Mums who are spending on having their nails done????? Talk about adding 2 plus 2 and making 5!!!!

I have NEVER been to a nail bar, but understand that gel nails last for several weeks, so that forty pound charge is probably working out less than a fiver a week!!!! I have, sadly, been in the position of having to bring up a family on benefits and eeking out a small amount of money to provide meals, clothes and entertainment for my children. Week on week, month on month.......and I know the toll it took on my own mental and physical health!!! Fortunately, this was all a long time ago for me, but will never forget it. Anything that could have given me some sort of boost would have been worth while just to keep me going!!

Until someone has actually walked on the shoes of those who are struggling, perhaps they should not criticise.

Wow … justifying getting expensive gel nails rather than feeding your kids!

That money passes through their hands at some point and I still cannot imagine handing over £40 to a nail technician rather than buying £40 worth of groceries!

I am sure many of us struggled when we were young parents so we do understand and in those days there were no benefits other than “family allowance” for the first child! I was very often first in the queue at the PO to collect mine to get us through a couple more days. I can hand on heart say that every penny of mine went on my kids, not myself.

Well said Franbern. A few bad apples exist everywhere but that shouldn’t stop those of us who can, contributing to help others.

The key problem is how did our country become a place in which food banks are seen as acceptable. It’s shameful that the government sits back and lets charity step in to provide basics.

Is it any wonder that benefits go unclaimed when people are judged for having their hair or nails done, or having others decide from their appearance whether they ‘need’ things or not? Do people want claimants to be in rags?

I have never had my nails ‘done’ so I wouldn’t miss it if I couldn’t afford it, but I get my hair cut regularly and would feel scruffy if I couldn’t. I cut it myself during lockdown with truly dreadful results.

The tattoos, gel nails and fake tan look mentioned above probably doesn’t suit many of us, but young women have always wanted to look attractive, whether their parents liked the look or not. How many on this thread didn’t look after their appearance when they were young- whether that was a shampoo and set, a beehive, a sharp bob, a Purdy cut, a Diana flick, spiral perm or a Mohican? Did you wear plain grey shifts whilst your friends had minis, cheesecloth or safety pins and chains? Most people follow fashion of some sort, at least when they are young.

I am no longer young, but I don’t begrudge young people the right to look how they see as attractive, and as sure as hell I would look my best if I had to go to a food bank or to claim benefits. They may well be doing it by shopping in charity shops and getting friends to do their hair and nails. It doesn’t have to mean that their children are starving or that they are frittering money away. The judgement is horrible- let people have some dignity, even if they don’t choose to express it the same way as you.

The woman in question may very well have had her nails done for free!

I have lots of nail stuff and a curing lamp (shoot me now!) and I often do my step-mom’s nails and those of my next door neighbour.

I don’t think that I would have immediately linked the need for food / nails thing

Fanny
Your not alone, I have all the kit.

Meryl I really like peel off base coat. Sensationail do a good one

@growstuff

I asked a valid and important question to which none of you who state that you volunteer for food banks have supplied an answer.

So rather than trolling over one word which you dont like perhaps you would care to explain how a housebond/mobility impaired/no transport person gets "referred" to your organization without having social services busybodies buzzing around.

I’d be interested to know the answer too biglouis

biglouis

@growstuff

I asked a valid and important question to which none of you who state that you volunteer for food banks have supplied an answer.

So rather than trolling over one word which you dont like perhaps you would care to explain how a housebond/mobility impaired/no transport person gets "referred" to your organization without having social services busybodies buzzing around.

Presumably you have a GP.

It's not trolling to consider your attitude judgmental. You even can't resist having a "go" at social workers.

I doubt very much whether you're in dire enough straits to be eligible for a foodbank a couple of times a year. You're always saying how successful your business is, how you know all the loopholes and what a successful career you had.

I wouldn't have thought it beyond your wit to work something out, if you were eligible.

Foodbank referrals, certainly for the Trussel Trust, can be made by email, and if a client explains that they are unable to attend physically due to mobility issues, delivery can be made. Good kind people work these things out, you know.

HousePlantQueen

Foodbank referrals, certainly for the Trussel Trust, can be made by email, and if a client explains that they are unable to attend physically due to mobility issues, delivery can be made. Good kind people work these things out, you know.

The only foodbank I know much about is the local Trussell Trust one. I knew that they can deliver for some clients.

A significant number of referrals are because people's benefit payments are delayed and the DWP signposts people to foodbanks.

I don't know anything about the foodbanks run by other organisations which don't need a referral. People seem to think the Trussell Trust foodbanks provide unlimited supplies of food. They don't. People have to be desperate to be referred and can only have a limited number of vouchers.

Even the poorest and most downtrodden deserve a sense of self-worth and I don't suppose they're keen on people prying into every aspect of their life.

Perhaps those who need to use places like foodbanks, should have the appearance to show how poor they are. Unwashed (hot water and soap all cost money - even cold water does), unshaven , perhaps a special costume of sackcloth to wear tied with string. Definitely no make-up or jewellery, even costume.

Am I being ridiculous? Not when we read some of the posts on here.

We can visit to take details, or another agency can do this. Some of our folk are sent our way by the Probation Service or Health Visitors etc; and the housebound can nominate someone to collect on his/ her behalf. Many of our clients come on a bus.
Our support is limited to 12 lots of parcels. I hope that this answers the questions.

Absolutely agree with Doodledog .
Not everyone is as perfect as some on this thread, but I bet the imperfect ones are kinder.

Oh and "social service busybodies" are not interested in foodbanks - they're just too ...well..busy, biglouis.

It’s very easy to be judgmental when you are looking on from a more comfortable position.
My husband always reminds me that we had practically nothing when we were first together, but the difference is, that we never considered it would last very long, and for a lot of families now, there doesn’t seem to be a way out of it.
There has to be a little joy in life, and while I think the children should always be fed before you get your nails done, if you manage to budget that in, and it makes you feel better, where’s the harm?

Someone with their nails done could work at a nail bar or have the experience to do it themselves or it could have been a gift for their birthday.

It's too easy to judge when people don't actually know

If a thread like this put off even one person from donating that could translate to a meal a week someone is going without.

What about all those mobile phones and flat screen televisions? Luxury 😏.

Referring to hard pressed social workers as busy bodies buzzing around adds another judgemental layer to this. Absolutely bonkers

The 'oh but they can afford mobile phones' comment always amazes me. Clearly some people don't realise that you need a mobile phone to do so many things like applying for jobs now. They're an essential part of life for most people now.

Primrose53

Franbern

Where in this long thread, has anyone said that children going to school hungry (and, sadly yes there are far too many who are these days), have Mums who are spending on having their nails done????? Talk about adding 2 plus 2 and making 5!!!!

I have NEVER been to a nail bar, but understand that gel nails last for several weeks, so that forty pound charge is probably working out less than a fiver a week!!!! I have, sadly, been in the position of having to bring up a family on benefits and eeking out a small amount of money to provide meals, clothes and entertainment for my children. Week on week, month on month.......and I know the toll it took on my own mental and physical health!!! Fortunately, this was all a long time ago for me, but will never forget it. Anything that could have given me some sort of boost would have been worth while just to keep me going!!

Until someone has actually walked on the shoes of those who are struggling, perhaps they should not criticise.

Wow … justifying getting expensive gel nails rather than feeding your kids!

That money passes through their hands at some point and I still cannot imagine handing over £40 to a nail technician rather than buying £40 worth of groceries!

I am sure many of us struggled when we were young parents so we do understand and in those days there were no benefits other than “family allowance” for the first child! I was very often first in the queue at the PO to collect mine to get us through a couple more days. I can hand on heart say that every penny of mine went on my kids, not myself.

No, nor me. A basic haircut was my lot when the kids were little.

It's all about priorities when you have children.

Other than the nail bar "sweat shops", where the girls are worked non stop for hours, springing up everywhere, I don't know a decent place where gel nails only cost £40.

I'm getting mine done next week, by a reputable nail bar, and it's £55 plus extra if you want spray art/patterns.

There will always be scams, with benefits and things like food banks, there always have been, but, of course, the majority of people are genuine.

Professionally referred food banks work best. The self referral ones have become a bit of a free for all.

VioletSky

Someone with their nails done could work at a nail bar or have the experience to do it themselves or it could have been a gift for their birthday.

It's too easy to judge when people don't actually know

If a thread like this put off even one person from donating that could translate to a meal a week someone is going without.

Yes, I said much the same yesterday VS, the fact of having had one’s nails done is hardly synonymous with having money to burn (the new ‘huge flat screen telly’?)

Franbern - I loved your post!

DiamondLily - you can get gel nails done for less than £40 around here, and that's at reputable salons.

Old wisdom: Cut your coat according to your cloth.