Expecting grandchildren to tidy toys.

We adore seeing our children and grandchildren but we have created a lovely home for two people. It is open plan, we are in our mid-seventies and find that we get tired more quickly these days. One of our children and spouse and children live a three hour drive away. Likewise if we go to them they have three bedrooms and teenage children of different genders. So basically their routines are disrupted when we stay there. So we have found a solution that suits us all. There is a lovely house just about 50 yards from them that has a lovely self-contained wing. We stay there and it is lovely. We all have our privacy. We are early risers so we have breakfast and read the papers and we see them around 11am. So we are not under their feet in the morning. When they come to us they book into a Premier Inn and they have somewhere to leave their stuff. They have breakfast there and arrive at our house around 11am with everyone already showered and our house does not get too untidy. It is all very civilised and stress-free. Our other child, spouse and grandchildren only live about 12 miles away so there is no need for us to stay at each other's houses. They all go home by early/mid evening, by which time we are tired and ready for some quiet time. We all have quality rather than quantity time together, we never fall out. I totally recommend it.

When my daughter and her three children were living with us, my husband used to say he couldn’t wait for her to get her own place.
Because he was going to go around and chuck all the cushions and throws on the floor, then he was going to get every toy out and leave them everywhere, he was going to turn on every television at full volume, and then sit in a corner with his headphones on, playing games.
Finally, he’d manage to use about ten glasses in a morning, and leave them dotted around the house.then leave, leaving all the lights on, and the door unlocked.

Have you tried making a game of it? Our grandkids have races who can collect the most red blocks etc. They also have individual jobs; one to lay the table etc. They know the table has to be cleared of toys when we eat. I also make a really big point of praising them to the hilt and thanking them and they are delighted to be praised. Grandson has only just turned 7 and very proudly came downstairs to tell me not only had he made his bed, he’d made his sister’s bed too. I was straight up with them a while back and told them that I had been poorly and it would really help me if they could help. They are little stars and I think it’s because I make such a big thing of thanking them and praising them. It’s so easy to focus on bad behaviour and not remark on positive. I think we’re all guilty of it from time to time. Good luck

If their home isn't a permanent tip, then they are taking advantage of you and slipping back into child mode when with you. This means it just doesn't occur to them to help unless told to.

If you can't bring yourself to confront your son, then the only other alternative is A MIGRAINE!! Or other illness of choice. Preferably around mid-morning you have to take to your bed. And stay there. A stash of biscuits in the bedside drawer may be necessary. Do not recover until you smell dinner cooking.

retiredlady anything that’s spilled or marked on the furniture or floor is just left

Easy solution to that one bit, imo. We don't eat or drink except at the kitchen or dining room table. I lay the table for meals, we eat sitting in chairs, napkins on laps - perhaps a 'rule' might help.

My son`s and d/in-laws tell the g/children to help g/ma and tidy up after you have finished playing.
So it has never been an issue.
If i were you,i would tell them what toys you get out you must put back.

It looks like you provide them with toys at your house. If they had to bring their own they would probably take them home leaving you less to worry about. Have you got a dish washer? I find with people in the house that before I sit down to a meal I put everything in that is lying around and press the quick cycle regardless of how full it is. this means its ready to unstack after the meal and then one can reload with the crockery and cutlery used at table quite quickly. I have an Amazon subscription for the dishwasher tablets as I cannot afford to run out.

I have plastic table cloths and give a cursory wipe. My family brought home a take away Indian meal and this they served in the boxes directly on the plastic cloth not on a tray. As a result the spices stained the plastic cloth. I did then have a go getting it off with a mix of bio laundry liquid and Vanish powder. It did drip on the floor tiles and bleach them a bit. However the cloth is fine!!! The tiles do not show up anylonger.

Just this, really