Rude grandson

Summerlove

welbeck

that's just how he is.
sounds a bit self-important to be offended by it.
he's just minding his own business, not doing anything to harm you.
not wanting to interact particularly is not rude.

This is my opinion as well. As a shy introverted child, being forced to socialize properly with adults and guess at how each one wanted me to act was exhausting. Being forced to hug people if I didn’t want to felt like torture.

I always insisted my children say hello and goodbye, but after that socializing was on their terms.

Summerlove As a shy introverted child, being forced to socialize properly with adults and guess at how each one wanted me to act was exhausting. Being forced to hug people if I didn’t want to felt like torture.

Precisely what I attempted to say, inarticulately. Well done you.

Being an introvert is exhausting in a noisy world.

Neurodiverse ?? shy, hormonal or depressed teenager ??
Ask him to teach you chess or challenge him to a game of chess, engage him any way you can.
As he is nearly sixteen how about discussing a premium bond a/c with him instead of presents or getting him involved in a small home grown business /craft/ manufacturing venture appropriate for his age.

People just aren’t reading this thread and it’s annoying
He is not just a teenager he has been this way since he was a toddler so it’s nothing to do with teenage angst
If Pip has not had a relationship with this lad in 16 years it isn’t going to happen now is it ?

Speak to the parents ( which you should have done years ago) saying you are concerned about his lack of communication skills and the least you expect is a hello, goodbye and a thank you for presents and hope that they at least speak to him

I doubt he’s being rude as such, there sounds much more depth to it than that

I m amazed that you’ve waited probably 13/14 years for this conversation

You can't make a difference in the price of gifts or the amount of money you give them, that is breeding hostility. Boys can be really grumpy teenagers.

This could almost be my son. Apart from the fact he did once have a relationship with his gp’s till he was pushed out.

His however alway been very shy, not one to talk even to family unless he felt very comfortable or only certain people around.

I’ve told him many a time to just say hello and goodbye like a good parent but how do you actually make them. You can’t. Could I take away his Xbox? Yeah I could but then he wouldn’t even be talking to his online friends or the small group of mates he has at school.

He knows exactly how is “d”gm feels about his lack of manners and how his aunty just think his rude but his just him his not a people person, his shy, he hates talking in front of groups of people etc even school day the same. Also frankly after he was pushed out they reep what they sowed with him now not giving them the time of day.

He sounds very similar to one of my sons, now 46, and I've always wondered if he was on the spectrum somewhere.He fell out with me for over 4 years and I didn't know why until he decided to speak to me again. As it turned out he thought I'd given one of my grandchildren a lot of money and left his children out - I hadn't. He's been like this since he was born although the huffs manifested in a different way when he was a baby. I now just take him as I find him. If he's speaking to me I'll call and contact him. If he's not speaking to me there's no point in contacting him as he'll just ignore phone calls, emails, messages through my other children. He speaks to me when he wants and I reciprocate. I don't hold grudges and I'm pretty sure he's on the spectrum somewhere but these things weren't as quickly recognised in the '70's.

Teenagers can be very socially inept, they have raging hormones and can feel very awkward which can sometimes come over as rudeness, disinterest and can lead to mental health issues especially if they feel they are being treated differently. I personally would continue to be the bigger person, show them the same love as the others and don’t discriminate and they will remember that as they get older. My 3 chikdren are now adults and they always say what a difficult time they gave me when they were teenagers but they understand now how hard it was for me, don’t despair, it ll come good in the end. As someone said further up he may be on the autistic spectrum somewhere which can manifest itself in teenage years and a sign of that is being uncomfortable in social situations, social anxiety disorders are rife at this age. Hope this helps

maybe he just has a dour personality. he sounds sullen rather than downright rude! does he take after mum or dad in that way.

And still posters are going on about teenagers
HE’S BEEN LIKE IT SINCE A TODDLER 🤣🤣

Two things I want to say about this post. The first is that many Gransnet subscribers seem not to read the original text. I often notice that some people answer as if they haven’t read the original post nor other responses. What good is that? This lady clearly stated that the grandchild had been like this since he was a toddler so several people have responded “ He’s a teenager, they are like that “ or similar.
Also why are people keen to say when kids are badly behaved that it might be Asperger’s. This is so wrong, bad behaviour is that, sloppy parenting and lack of limits, Asperger’s is quite different.

the fact he's been like it since a toddler just confirms it's his personality, dour!

BlueBelle

And still posters are going on about teenagers
HE’S BEEN LIKE IT SINCE A TODDLER 🤣🤣

........ No need to 'shout'

Is it worth talking to his sister about him
"I find it a bit hurtful that X never speaks to me.'
'Have I done something to irritate him?' Or ' Is he like this with everyone?'

I have a 16 yr old grandson - privately educated too- not that that makes any difference- he’s a teenager- spends ages on devices- is pretty monosyllabic - his father (my son) was just the same when he was 16 - although didn’t have any devices of course- forgive the boy- I think it was Mark Twain who said something like ‘ it was quite remarkable how much my parents had learned by the time I was 25’ - in other words you might find a very different guy, when he reaches that great age! It will pass - also please give your grandchildren exactly the same - whatever you can afford. It’s the thought isn’t it?

Friend’s son was like this, but he was just painfully shy and scared of social interaction. His parents enrolled him into martial arts. Transformed him. Perhaps feeling physically strong and secure enabled him socially. He’s now a lovely, confident young man. Worth a thought!

Suddenly, after years of being ignored, it has become a problem and we are all wondering why.
I would try this. Give a wee card to each and all of them saying,
'Dear (or Hi) ....,
To make things easy for me, I will be getting you gift tokens from now on, instead of actual gifts. Tell me, next time I visit, which shop you prefer. Love, Gran'
See what happens. Then take it from there. Gives you a talking point, to address any issue with the Parents.
Good luck.

*M0nica

Is he borderline autistic?*

There's no such thing as "borderline" autistic. He either is, or he isn't. He may be (and I hate the term), "high functioning", but that doesn't mean borderline.

Oddone Autism and its characteristics, or indeed any personality characteristics are not a black and white line. They are a long shade of grey, from those who are not neurally diverse but show traits of character that are associated with a specific neural diversity lke autism, to those who have problems sufficiently severe to be diagnosed as having a specific neural diversity.

Neural diversity runs strongly in our family, autism, dyspraxia and ADHD, but we have had several members of the family, whose problems with social interactions, while not severe enough for them to be classified as having autism, are sufficient to be recognisable as associated with that problem.

Assessment systems have to have black and white lines, but life is not like that, it is all grey areas. These grey areas are the borderlines.

Hmmm. Privately educated? Is his sister privately educated, too, and at the same school? Could it be that his private education is something to do with something like autism or aspergers or something?
Have you ever asked his parents about his/their school/s?
I'd definitely have mentioned something to the parents, if i was you, at least to your son, regarding his child's behaviour!
I wonder what he's like with his mother's family? Do they just let him hide away and play on games or whatever?
Definitely broach the subject about why your GS doesn't show his face and spend at least a little bit of time with you? If you don't, then you'll always be judging him for this behaviour when you could be made a bit more understanding and be having a better relationship with him!!!

Farmor15

Another one here whose first reaction was some element of autism.

Me too.
There are elements of that behaviour, present since he was very young, that strongly suggest autism and/or ADHD, and maybe Oppositional Defiant Disorder or something similar thrown in too.

lemsip

the fact he's been like it since a toddler just confirms it's his personality, dour!

I strongly disagree. It confirms nothing whatsoever.

M0nica

Oddone Autism and its characteristics, or indeed any personality characteristics are not a black and white line. They are a long shade of grey, from those who are not neurally diverse but show traits of character that are associated with a specific neural diversity lke autism, to those who have problems sufficiently severe to be diagnosed as having a specific neural diversity.

Neural diversity runs strongly in our family, autism, dyspraxia and ADHD, but we have had several members of the family, whose problems with social interactions, while not severe enough for them to be classified as having autism, are sufficient to be recognisable as associated with that problem.

Assessment systems have to have black and white lines, but life is not like that, it is all grey areas. These grey areas are the borderlines.

I understand all that. I'm autistic, as is my GD (and, I suspect, my DD), I'm also being assessed for ADHD, and my son, and my partner both have ADHD. But again, one cannot be borderline autistic. That is neither a diagnosis, nor even possible. One is either autistic (and these days, that's is one of three levels), or not. Level one, which most would say (I believe, incorrectly) is the least impactful, but borderline, it's not. One can have autistic traits, and many people do, but that does not mean that they're borderline autistic.

If he's been like this since he was a toddler why the concern now?

Just give him the usual gifts and accept that we're not all made the same.

My 14 year old GS has turned a bit surly etc etc. We just leave him to it.
Best not to get too upset

M0nica

Oddone Autism and its characteristics, or indeed any personality characteristics are not a black and white line. They are a long shade of grey, from those who are not neurally diverse but show traits of character that are associated with a specific neural diversity lke autism, to those who have problems sufficiently severe to be diagnosed as having a specific neural diversity.

Neural diversity runs strongly in our family, autism, dyspraxia and ADHD, but we have had several members of the family, whose problems with social interactions, while not severe enough for them to be classified as having autism, are sufficient to be recognisable as associated with that problem.

Assessment systems have to have black and white lines, but life is not like that, it is all grey areas. These grey areas are the borderlines.

Oh, and the autistic spectrum isn't like a "long shade of grey". Most autism professionals now believe it's far more like a colour wheel. So a person may be less affected in one area, but far more affected in another area. So, rather than just "mildly affected", as the linear model might suggest, if they were categorised as level 1, for instance.

Oddone Please stop misunderstanding me. I am not referring to autism as one shade of grey, I am using the phrase in the generally accepted meaning that something does not have a cut off point as it goes from black to white but fades from one to the other through shades of grey

I am sorry to move so quickly to dictionary definitions, but here it is

^This phrase actually originated from a popular saying which “things are not black or white”. When something is said to be in black and white, it is distinctly referring to a clear choice such as yes or no, left or right. When this is not clearly defined, then it is said to be in a grey area just because the color grey is between black of white. So when a situation is not clear as black and white, it was then said to be various shades of grey.
www.theidioms.com/shades-of-grey/ and other sites.